Updated Part

Title: My Way or the Highway
Author: Christine
Contact: QsMistress23@hotmail.com
Series: Xena/Hercules
Rating: [NC17]
Codes: A/J and C/S
Website: http://www.slashheaven.com/

Archive: Mpreg and my website only. All others please ask first, I'm sure I'll say yes.

Disclaimer: Renaissance Pictures owns everything Xena and Hercules. I own everything and everyone I made up. Am I making money from this? What the hell are you smoking!?

Feedback: Please do.

Author's Note: This is my very first Xena/Hercules story. The idea is all my own and hopefully I did a good job of it too. I got the title from listening to way too much Limp Bizkit.

Acknowledgements: I'd like to thank Sherri for betaing this and encouraging me to keep on going. :::Hands a box of cyber chocolates to Sherri::: Also, I would like to thank Kris for doing the same. With both of these wonderful ladies betaing this, it turned out way better than it would have. :::Hands flowers and candy to the two wonderful ladies:::

Summary: Due to not following orders, three Gods go on the adventure of their lives.

"You can't be serious!"

"Indeed I am. You were at the meeting along with all the other Gods and Goddesses when I made my proclamation. 'All Gods and Goddesses must have a consort before the next full moon or they shall be made mortal and left to fend for themselves until they are married'," Zeus angrily replied. He did not take kindly to having his orders disobeyed. Especially by his hard headed children.

Eyes wide as saucers, mouth agape, Ares fell heavily into the chair suddenly behind him. He could *not* believe his own father was going to make him mortal just because he hadn't found someone worthy enough to be his mate. He was fifteen hundred years old for Zeus' sake! No longer a child. If he didn't want to be married, that was his decision to make. *Not* his father's!

Where in Tartarus was he going to go? How was he going to survive with no money, no weapons...no nothing? He was going to be thrown to the wolves! Never in his long-lived life had he ever been more afraid, but he sure as Tartarus wasn't going to tell anyone.

"You won't be alone, son," Zeus replied to Ares' frantic thoughts.

Ares looked up at his father, "I won't?" He hadn't expected *that* reply from his poor excuse for a father.

Zeus got up from behind his desk and walked stiffly towards Ares. "No, son. You won't. Two other Gods will be joining you."

At this Ares smiled slightly. He was just a wee bit curious to know who else would be joining him in this vile situation. Well, at least this bit of news made him feel a little better, but not much.

Zeus rolled his eyes in exasperation. Only Ares would find pleasure in another being's suffering. Zeus, quickly losing his patience, mentally summoned the other Gods.

In a subdued flash of twin lights, the other two Gods appeared. Neither any happier about their predicament than Ares.

Ares looked over towards his left and his eyes went wide. He had a feeling about one of them being there with him, but not about the other. "Strife, I knew you'd be here. But you, Cupid? I thought you were married to Psyche?"

Cupid growled at the mention of his estranged ex wife. "The bitch left me for Poseidon! Told me he was more of a man then I was," he spat venomously.

Ares was in shock at hearing this. He thought they had a perfect marriage. //Guess I was wrong.// "Did she take Bliss with her?" he asked. He had no intentions of letting his grandson stay with Psyche.

Cupid brightened slightly at the mention of his cherished son. "Thankfully, he's staying with mom. Psyche didn't want to be tied down with having to bring him along everywhere with her. I'm glad too, I'd have fought tooth and nail with her if she thought I'd just let Bliss go with her." Cupid folded his arms across his chest, trying to get himself back under control. He was still upset by the whole thing and his current situation wasn't helping much either.

Strife looked on as Ares and Cupid chitchatted with each other. He was both glad and angry with Psyche. He was angry for her cheating on Cupid, yet glad she did. He never did like, or trust, the woman.

Zeus silently watched his son and grandson talk. He too was glad Psyche was finally gone. He had thought from the start that Cupid could have done better than marry a woman like Psyche, but he stayed silent, wishing nothing but happiness for his grandson.

After a few more minutes of hearing about family problems, Zeus cleared his throat. The other Gods immediately stopped talking and looked over at him. Seeing he had their full attention, he began, "You all know why you are here today?" This got him a few groans of acknowledgement.

"Well, then you all know about the consequences of noncompliance also, correct?"

The three younger Gods all slightly nodded at this.

Zeus continued on, "Good. Now, as you all know, you will be made mortal and left on earth." Two groans and a whimper. "Being the nice God that I am, I will make this easier on the three of you." Three sets of eyes widened in unabashed surprise at this statement. Looking dead center at Ares, "I am going to drop the three of you off with Xena."

Hearing this, Cupid and Strife both looked to see Ares' expression. They weren't disappointed. Ares' eyes were wide and his expression was a cross between shock and disgust.

Strife giggled inwardly. It wasn't every day you got to see that expression on the War God's face.

Zeus took a small amount of pleasure in seeing his eldest son's face. //That'll teach him to underestimate me.//

Before anything else detrimental could be said, Cupid piped in. "Are we going to be disguised?" He thought it a silly question, since surely Zeus wouldn't let others know who they truly were.

"No," Zeus replied. "The three of you will be dropped off on earth looking exactly as you are now. How are you to serve your punishment correctly, if people don't know who you are?"

Now there were three open mouths facing Zeus. Each had an expression on their face as if saying 'you've gotta be shitting me?'

"You mean, I'm going to be strolling around mortals with my wings visible?" Cupid asked as it finally sunk in.

"Yes. But, you won't be able to use them for flying. Only for show." Zeus replied, turning back towards his desk and walking around the front to be seated once more behind it.

Placing his hand against his face and lowering his head, "Xena's gonna just love this," Ares sarcastically muttered.

"Well, if you three are through. It's time to begin." Zeus waved his hand and the three Gods felt their power get taken away, leaving them feeling empty and scared shitless. "Don't fret my young ones. You will once again become Gods after you find someone to marry. Until then..." He waved his hand a second time and the three, now mortal, Gods vanished.

************

Xena and Gabrielle made their way through the woods, followed by a singing Joxer.

Gabrielle groaned as Joxer went into his fifth verse of 'Joxer the Mighty'. "Xena, I swear if I hear one more verse of that blasted song, I'm gonna kill him!" Gabrielle whispered.

Xena slightly nodded in agreement. She felt the exact same way. Of course, she had to admit that his singing had improved over the years.

Just as Joxer went into yet another verse of song, there was a bright flash of light behind them. The three travelers turned in unison to see what had caused the light. Laying flat on their stomachs, faces to the dirt, the three mortal men groaned.

As realization dawned on Xena, she unsheathed her sword and pointed it towards their unexpected visitors.

"I can *not* believe gramps just dumped us here like this! This...this is like, totally humiliating!" Cupid growled as he got up onto his knees, brushing dirt off of his hands.

"No shit, Cupe!" Strife agreed, also getting up.

Ares just laid there, contemplating on how many ways he could get back at his father.

All three turned their heads at the sudden clearing of a throat. //Shit!//

"Excuse me, but...uh...why are you guys laying there in the dirt?" Joxer shyly asked.

Xena nodded her head, wondering the same thing. Gabrielle rolled her eyes at Joxer. "Isn't it obvious? It's some sort of trick to keep us from going any farther."

Strife snorted as he glared at the blonde bard. "Yeah, right! We always show up like this, face down in tha dirt just ta upset ya puny mortals! Can ya say duh?"

Listening to her friend and the young God bicker amongst themselves, oblivious to the other's scathing looks, Xena threw up a hand. The two of them stopped their argument and looked her way. "Fighting is getting us nowhere. Now, what I want to know is what the three of you are doing here? And none of your lies, Ares," she said, looking squarely at her father.

Ares finally got up from his prone position, brushed the dirt from his hands onto his leather pants, and turned to glare at Xena. "If you *must* know. Zeus, in his infinite wisdom..." This got him a few snorts of suppressed laughter from his son and nephew.

Ares glared daggers at the two young Gods. Seeing the God of War's angry expression, both Gods quickly recovered. Both heads bent down, suddenly finding their boots fascinating.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Ares continued, giving his son and nephew 'the' look. "Zeus came up with some dumb ass proclamation about all Gods and Goddesses in the entire Pantheon having to be married before the next full moon. And guess what? The three of us decided not to follow his orders, so here we are, stuck on earth as mortals until we find 'that special someone'," Ares growled.

Joxer wrinkled his brow in thought. Looking over the three ex Gods, he turned to Cupid. "Weren't you married to someone named Psyche?"

At the mention of *her* name, Cupid began to growl as both Ares and Strife threw their hands towards their faces, shaking their heads simultaneously. "Aw, man! Don't go startin' in on that line of questionin'!" Strife groaned as he exchanged a look with his uncle.

Before Joxer could ask for clarification, Xena jumped in, "Okay, so you three have to find wives. What's the big deal? We'll just go to the nearest village and find three women who would be willing to marry each of you."

"It doesn't quite work that way," Ares interrupted.

"How can it not work? Who wouldn't be thrilled to be the wife of a God?" Gabrielle asked, ignoring the dirty looks being thrown her way by Strife.

"It won't work out 'cause like, whoever we get hitched to will be linked to us for like, ever. So, whoever we *do* marry, will have to be totally in love with us and vice versa," Cupid replied, ignoring the tiny voice in the back of his mind reminding him of exactly how he knew about the whole procedure.

"Well, scratch *that* idea then!" Gabrielle muttered under her breath as she threw up her hands in exasperation.

Overhearing Gabrielle's unwelcomed comment, Strife started edging towards her. She finally got on his last nerve. Cupid placed a hand on Strife's arm to still him from killing the annoying bard. "She's not worth it, cuz."

"Enough you two!" Xena commanded. "Look, it's getting late so maybe we should set up camp here for tonight and start fresh in the morning." Everyone muttered his or her acknowledgement at this. "We only have three bedrolls for the six of us, so we're all going to have to team up. Gabrielle and I will share one. Cupid, you and Strife will share the second one. And Ares, you and Joxer will share the last one. Sound good?" Strife opened his mouth about to protest, but immediately shut it when Xena gave him the evil eye. "Good!"

Xena headed over to Argo where she unstrapped the three bedrolls. Unhooking one at a time, she then proceeded to toss them to their prospective users.

Catching his with a growl, Strife knelt down onto the ground and unrolled the bed.

Cupid watched and waited until Strife was finished. "You don't mind having to share with me, do you?" Cupid whispered to his cousin as he helped Strife up.

"Nah, it's cool. With us being mortal now, we'll feel tha chill of tha night so tha extra body heat'll keep us warm," Strife replied as he accepted Cupid's extended hand.

Inwardly sighing with relief, Cupid gave his cousin a warm smile. "I, like, gotta sleep on my side so I don't squish my wings."

Strife giggled a bit. "That's fine. I'll sleep on my side too and ya can sleep behind me...if that's cool with ya?"

"Yeah, it's cool."

**************

As Strife and Cupid were talking with each other, Ares had already caught Joxer's and his bedroll and began rolling it out.

Joxer wasn't sure how he felt about having to bunk up with the mortal War God, but had held his tongue so no one would get pissed at him for his concerns.

"Um...Ares? Do you want to...uh...face the center or the outer edge of camp?" Joxer nervously asked, unable to look his angry mortal God in the eyes.

Biting back a growl of frustration, Ares replied, "It doesn't matter to me. I don't think I'll be able to sleep much anyway."

Joxer nodded his head in agreement. "I...I sometimes can't get to sleep very well either when I'm...uh...in new surroundings." He then dropped to his knees and sat down on his side of the bed, which would be closer to the fire once it was made. He watched as Gabrielle unrolled her and Xena's bed while Xena placed some twigs and branches in the middle of their semicircle. He also saw Xena strike against a flint, getting the fire going.

**************

"Xena? What are we going to do with those three? Are you going to let them come with us to Thebes? I mean, two *whole* weeks of obnoxious ex Gods? We can't just..." Gabrielle trailed off as Xena turned to her with a look of mild annoyance written all over her face.

"Gabrielle, I know you don't think that would be a very good idea, but unfortunately they *are* family and I don't foresee them being able to survive on their own being mortal without their powers. Remember what happened last time Ares was mortal? Believe me, they will definitely need our help," Xena said as she brushed some loose dirt from her hands and knees.

"But..."

"Look, we'll talk about this later, okay? Now, I need to go hunt for our dinner." At this, she walked off into the woods, alone.

Gabrielle watched as Xena walked away. Gabrielle sat down onto the bed, arms crossed over her chest, a pout forming on her face.

**************

Strife sat next to Cupid, bored out of his mind. There was absolutely nothing to do, so he had turned his attention to the exchange between Xena and Gabrielle. Being mortal now, he couldn't hear what they had been talking about, but from the way Xena stalked off into the woods and Gabrielle's pouty face, he was sure it had something to do with him and the others.

A strange noise suddenly brought him out of his thoughts. He looked around to see where it had come from when Cupid gasped, clutching his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Strife asked, looking at Cupid curiously.

"My...my stomach, like, growled at me!" Cupid replied. He had no idea why his stomach was suddenly pissed at him.

Strife's eyes went wide with concern. Not knowing what else to do, he yelled for his uncle. "Unc! Somethin's wrong with Cupe!"

At Strife's frantic cries, Ares jumped to his feet and quickly made his way over to his son and nephew. Seeing Cupid's worried expression, "What? What's wrong, son?"

Before Cupid had a chance to answer, another noise interrupted him.

"Oh, Gods! It's spreadin'!" Strife yelped as he clutched at his own stomach, trying to quiet the noises coming from it.

Ares looked at the two young mortals, raised an eyebrow and burst out laughing.

"Hey! It ain't funny! There's somthin' wrong with us, Unc!" Strife yelled, giving Ares a look Discord would be proud of.

Trying his damnedest to stifle his bout of uproarious laughter, Ares coughed then snorted. "Your stomachs are making growling sounds, correct?"

Two heads nodding frantically in agreement answered him.

"There's nothing wrong with you. You're just hungry," Ares stated matter of factly.

"Hungry?" Cupid asked. Ares just gave him his equivalent of the 'duh' look.

"Yes, hungry. You know, needing to eat? Starving if you don't."

Ares bit back another round of laughter. He could almost see the candle being lit above their heads as realization dawned on them.

"I...I think...um...Xena went to go get us dinner," Joxer quietly added, overhearing the exchange between the three men.

Ares turned around at Joxer's voice. Joxer flinched a bit, thinking he had stepped out of line interrupting the ex War God. He sighed in relief when Ares turned back to his relatives. "When Xena gets back with the kill and Blondie...I'm assuming she'll be the one to prepare it for us?" Ares turned his head to look over his shoulder at Joxer, who nodded in confirmation. "We'll get to eat and your stomachs will stop making noises, understand?"

Cupid and Strife nodded their understanding.

*************

Hating when Xena was right about something, Gabrielle continued to pout. She liked pouting; she thought it made her look cute. And why not? It worked on Xena...most of the time. Joxer always fell for it, although she tried not to pout too much around him. Just thinking of what Joxer would do made her queasy. She did *not* need *that* mental picture haunting her.

She jumped when she heard Strife yell out for Ares. She rolled her eyes. //Wonderful!// Just what she needed, whining ex Gods. Complaining about simple mortal functions. Didn't they know anything about the normal happenings of being mortal? Had they never tried it before? For entertainment, maybe?

She watched as she saw Ares jump up and make his way over to his 'family'. //Yeah, family. Right. Not!// She had heard the saying down in Delphi, 'incest is best', but the Gods took it way too literally. She was genuinely surprised that their offspring didn't turn out dumb and stupid looking. Course she wondered about Strife sometimes.

She glanced briefly at Joxer, seeing him do his best not to stare at her too long. //Keep dreaming, loser!// Now, Cupid on the other hand. //Yum! Eye candy!// If he was here with Ares and Strife that meant that he was no longer with that Psyche woman. //Too bad I'm with Xena. Although, one *can* fantasize.// She absently wiped at a trickle of drool running down her chin.

A noise from the woods brought her out of her musings. Grabbing her staff, she went into a fighting stance, but relaxed and sat back down when she saw it was only Xena. She was glad to have her back. Now, she could make dinner and then settle down for the night.

***********

Having finished hunting for dinner, Xena bent down and picked up the carcasses. Hands full, she made her way back into camp. As she approached Gabrielle, she dropped her burden in front of the bard and walked over to Argo. She reached into one of the saddlebags and pulled out her sharpening stone.

Walking the short distance back to their bedroll, she sat down with a sigh. Riding all day on Argo's back had given her a few blisters. She definitely needed to get a new saddle soon or she'd start to walk like she had Gabrielle's staff up her butt.

*************

Cupid sat hunched over a bit, shoulders drooping, still reeling from his earlier embarrassment. How was he supposed to know about stomach growling when one was hungry?

Having nothing better to do, he stretched out his wings, bringing his left one into contact with his hands and began to preen them. He was a bit out of practice since Psyche or his mother normally did this for him. At the thought of his ex wife, he silently whimpered with loss.

Strife looked over at his cousin wondering what in Tartarus he was doing. As he watched, he saw Cupid first run his fingers through his feathers then separate them one by one. //That position he's in mus' be uncomfortable,// he thought, looking at Cupid's twisted posture. "Um? Do ya need any help with that?"

Cupid looked up from what he was doing to see Strife looking at him...concerned? "Uh, yeah, if you'd like to."

At Strife's smile, Cupid explained what he was doing and why. "It keeps them, like, aligned correctly so I can fly easier. But, since I can't fly now, I'm doing this out of boredom. You still wanna help?"

"Yeah, I do. Ya look uncomfortable in that position," Strife observed.

Cupid nodded and turned so his back was to his cousin. Spreading his wings out a little more, he leaned forward to give Strife better access to them.

Strife moved a bit closer so he was almost lined up with Cupid's body. He placed his hands onto the wings and began working on them. He smiled when he heard Cupid sigh in contentment. //His feathers are so soft, like a comfortable pair o' leather pants.//

Gods, but this felt good! It had been a while since he had this done to himself. He was almost purring, the feeling was very satisfying.

*************

As Gabrielle began to cut into the meat before her, she stole a side-glance over at the young mortals. Transfixed at the display between the two, she didn't look where she was placing the knife and cut a small gash into her left index finger. Growling and cursing to herself, she dropped the knife onto the floor, groping around for a cloth to stop the miniscule bleeding.

She whipped her head up at the sudden moan of pleasure coming from the ex Love God's mouth. //Damn, I wish I were in Strife's place right now,// she sighed. Shrugging her shoulders at the unlikelihood of *that* action taking place, she went back to her preparations.

************

Ares watched his son and nephew. They looked like they were having fun. He was glad Strife was helping Cupid out with his feathers. He knew how much it meant to his son for little things like that to be done to him, having witnessed Aphrodite do it herself when Cupid was a baby.

He turned his head with an inaudible growl when he heard the muttered curses coming from the bard. He saw some blood come out of one of her fingers. //Probably cut herself. She is only a bard after all. Serves the bitch right.//

"Why didn't you marry?"

Ares turned his attention back to the voice of his sleeping companion. "Huh?"

Joxer blushed slightly as he repeated his question. He was proud of himself for being able to look his ex God in the eyes this time without stuttering.

Ares raised an eyebrow at the question. Sighing, "I didn't find anyone I wanted to spend eternity with."

"Oh."

"Oh? What do mean by 'oh'?" Ares asked, curious in spite of himself.

Finding it a little easier talking to Ares now that he was mortal, Joxer replied, "Just that I understand where you're coming from." This got a wrinkled brow from Ares. "I...I...I just mean that I think it was wrong of Zeus to force you guys into marriage. Personally, I would've waited for nature to take its course."

"I agree, but Zeus is King of the Gods and unfortunately, what he says, goes," Ares replied, growling.

************

Finally done with the kill, Gabrielle got up from the ground and headed over to Argo. She searched through one of the saddlebags and pulled out something that looked like a frying pan. She then proceeded to walk back over to where she had left the meat, picked it up and placed it into the pan. With the pan and its contents in hand, she walked over to the fire and placed the pan down onto it.

Once she had done that, she settled herself close enough to the fire so she could keep an eye on the meat as it cooked. She didn't like burnt meat, so had learned to always watch for any signs of it over cooking. She didn't really mind cooking for her and Xena. Xena couldn't boil water without burning it and Joxer...she didn't want to go there. Last time she let Joxer cook, he almost torched himself and caused their dinner to get blacker than Ares' leather outfit.

Seeing that dinner wouldn't need to be turned over for another few minutes, she stole a glance at Xena. Watching her sharpen her sword with the sharpening stone. She saw Xena run the stone diagonally across the sword's blade every so often, then put the stone down and carefully run her finger along the edge to test for it's sharpness. //So beautiful, yet so deadly.//

************

"Hey, Blondie! Is tha food done yet? We're hungry!" Strife called out over his shoulder as he finished Cupid's left wing and started in on the right one.

Gabrielle reached for her staff as she yelled back, "Why don't you get your lazy ass over here and see for yourself!"

Seeing red, Strife gently let go of Cupid's wing, jumped up and walked towards Gabrielle. //That's it! I'm gonna kill tha bitch!//

Seeing Strife get up and move towards her, Gabrielle also got up with staff in hand. Before Strife could get within arm's reach, she lashed out with her staff and hit him dead on in the face. The others were too late to stop the assault.

Strife fell hard onto the ground, tears in his eyes. He felt a wet trickle run down into his mouth. Swiping a hand across his nose, wincing with pain, he saw blood on his hand. "Ya hit me!"

Surprised expressions turned as one towards Gabrielle. Before anyone could say a word, Joxer ran up to Gabrielle, yanking the staff from her hands. "Gabby, how could you!? He was unarmed!"

Ares' eyes widened at Joxer's show of anger. He never realized the wannabe warrior had such a nasty temper. All the times he had been around him and the others, Joxer was always passive, taking insults with a grain of salt. From then on, he would never see him the same way again.

"He's right, Gabrielle."

Gabrielle's mouth dropped open. "How can you say that, Xena? He was coming at me. What else could I have done?"

It was a good thing Cupid didn't have his powers. The look he was giving the bard could've melted the strongest steel. "You bitch! You were armed, he wasn't. He lost his fighting skills when he lost his powers. The worst that would've happened to you were, like, a few minor bruises!" Cupid yelled, helping Strife up, who whimpered in pain.

"But..."

"Dinner's burning, Gabrielle," Xena stated as she walked over to Argo, ignoring anything else Gabrielle tried to say. Reaching into one of the saddlebags, she pulled out a flask of water and some rags. Items in hand, she walked over to Cupid and Strife, who had already gone back over to their side of camp.

"Let me see your nose, Strife."

Having never had a nosebleed before, he complied mutely as Xena checked to make sure it wasn't broken. Satisfied with the results, she handed the rags and water flask to him. "Here. Hold this rag to your nose and pinch it closed. This'll help stop the bleeding." Forestalling any questions, she continued, "Don't worry, just breathe through your mouth."

Cupid sighed in relief. He was glad the bard hadn't done any major damage to his cousin, but grimaced when he saw the black and blue bruise forming around his eye and cheek. "What 'bout his face?"

Xena smiled ruefully as she gently turned Strife's face to have a look at the nasty bruise forming. "Pour some water onto this rag, wring it out and then have him place it over his eye and cheek. It won't make the bruise go away, but it'll make it feel better. He'll probably have that shiner there for a week or two, but it'll eventually disappear."

"Thanks Xena," Cupid said as Strife lightly nodded his head in agreement.

Xena let a smile form on her face that didn't reach her eyes and nodded in reply. She then went back over to her and Gabrielle's bedroll, keeping a stricter eye on her lover this time.

***********

Joxer had already walked back over to his side of camp; Gabrielle's staff still in hand, while Xena had gone over to her horse. He never realized Gabby had such a nasty attitude towards anyone who wasn't Xena. Maybe that's why his attentions towards her never got through to her. He couldn't help it. He used to love the blonde bard. But now, he wasn't so sure anymore.

Being the 'warrior' that he was, he was all for a good fight. But you didn't go and attack an unarmed opponent just because they got on your nerves. If that were the case, he would never have left Corinth. His two brothers always got on his nerves, but they were family...unfortunately and besides, Jett would've kicked his ass from Tartarus and back, and Jace may look squirrelly, but he could hold his own in a fight just as well as Jett.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard a throat clear next to him. He turned his gaze to see Ares fidgeting a bit. He raised an eyebrow at this display of nervousness, he never thought he'd see it come from the gruff God of War.

"You okay?"

Ares jumped. He hadn't realized he was doing this openly. "Yeah, I'm fine. I...uh...just wanted to say thanks." He coughed as he said this.

Perplexed by this, Joxer wrinkled his brow. "For what?"

Resisting the urge to fidget *and* squirm at this question, Ares sighed deeply. "Standing up for Strife. It's no secret that we're not very welcome here with you guys. We didn't even know Zeus was sending us to you, until the very last second. By then, we had already been stripped of our powers." Course Ares wasn't going to let on that they knew about this *before* their powers had been removed. He, for one, wanted to see another day.

Listening to Ares' confession about recent events, Joxer sheepishly smiled. "Ya know, before today, I don't think I would've been brave enough to do that. But I didn't like the way she was treating him earlier and I must've finally snapped." He laughed a little at this. He couldn't believe he was actually having *this* particular conversation with his ex God.

"Then why do you put up with her? You *do* know about her and Xena, don't you?"

Joxer sighed sadly. "Yeah, I know about them. But I've been in love with her so long, I just pretended they were *really* good friends. I may not be the most coordinated or best-looking man on earth, but I *do* have feelings like everyone else."

Not knowing what to say, Ares just nodded his head in understanding.

***********

Dinner was a bit overcooked, but by the looks of it, would still be edible. Gabrielle began to cut pieces of the meat into six sizeable portions. She then placed each portion on to some strong fibered leaves she had collected earlier. Since Xena wouldn't let her go near the ex Gods, she resorted to passing the food along to Xena, who then passed a leaf to Strife and so on and so forth until everyone had their own leaf of meat.

Ares took his leaf from Joxer and dug in. He hadn't eaten since this whole thing had begun and he was feeling quite hungry. He would sometimes eat rabbit or venison to try different foods. Although his favorite food of all were his mother's sweetcakes. Too bad he couldn't remember the recipe. A lot of things he knew how to do left when he became mortal. He vowed not to take his Godhood for granted next time, if there even was a next time. He didn't believe he'd ever find someone suitable to marry. Him being the God of War and all, not too many people wanted to be associated with him due to this fact.

After Joxer had passed a leaf to Ares, he went to town on his own food. He tried learning how to cook himself, but he was worse in the kitchen then he was at being a warrior. He quietly watched as Ares ate. Joxer wasn't really surprised to see the ex War God take to being a mortal better than his nephew and son. He'd been mortal, what, once or twice before?

Joxer secretly hoped Ares wouldn't find a wife too soon. He was actually starting to enjoy having his ex God around. Ares didn't seem too bad once you got to know him and he wasn't trying to off everyone he met.

A few whispered words broke him from his reverie. He turned his head to see Cupid daintily pick at his food. //Must be a shock for him, having to eat meat.//

************

Cupid looked down at the meat on his leaf and pouted. He had never eaten meat in his entire life and wasn't sure he wanted to start. He looked over and saw Strife tear into his. Cupid's pout turned into disgust.

"Strife?"

Strife looked up from his food; a look of mild annoyance crossed his features. "Yeah?"

"I know this is meat, but like, exactly what type of animal was this?"

Strife swallowed a mouth full of food. //Uh oh!// He knew precisely what animal this had been and wasn't sure Cupid would truly want to know. So he pretended he didn't hear the question.

Cupid grew impatient when Strife didn't respond. "Well?" He prompted.

Sighing in defeat, "Ya ain't gonna like tha answer, Cupe."

Suddenly eyeing his food warily. "Why not? What *was* it?"

"Rabbit."

Cupid's eyes went wide in horror. "You mean those cute soft little furry things that hop around?"

"Yup."

"Eeew! That is like, so disgusting! I can't believe we're expected to *eat* those cute little animals!"

"Cupe, chill! It's already been killed and cooked. It don't look cute no more. So pretend it's somethin' else and dig in, or do ya want your stomach growlin' at ya again?"

Realizing his cousin was right; Cupid daintily picked a piece of the rabbit meat up with his forefinger and thumb. He scrutinized it, trying hard to imagine it as something else, but to no avail. He was about to protest some more when his stomach growled angrily at him. At this he quickly popped the meat into his mouth and chewed quickly. //Not bad, but after this is over, I ain't eating meat ever again!//

Strife giggled to himself at his cousin's actions. //Poor Cupe. He ain't eva gonna live this one down.//

*************

Tired from the day's events, everyone began to settle down for the night. Gabrielle felt naked without her staff nearby, but every time she looked Joxer's way, he would bare his teeth and give her a 'I don't think so' look. So she decided Xena herself would have to do for tonight.

Xena laid down behind Gabrielle, throwing an arm protectively across her waist. To Gabrielle, it might've seemed like love or affection, but Xena was actually keeping her in place. After tonight's mishap, she wasn't gonna chance it.

Xena closed her eyes and went to sleep; keeping a trained ear open for any sudden dangers that might come their way.

Gabrielle snuggled closer to Xena, placing a hand on Xena's and drifted off to sleep herself.

*************

Strife laid down on his right side, favoring his bruised face. His face still hurt like Tartarus, but the pain was slowly going away. He brought his right arm up under his head, using it as a pillow. His eyes fluttered a bit before finally closing.

Cupid also laid down onto the bed, laying behind Strife. He placed his left arm onto his hip and made himself comfortable. Before closing his eyes, he stretched out his wings then folded them back towards his body.

"Night Strife."

"Night Cupe," Strife replied sleepily.

***********

Joxer stretched out onto the bedroll, laying on his right side. He held onto Gabrielle's staff in a death grip. Closing his eyes, he began to drift off to sleep as Ares settled down behind him.

Ares laid on his back, hands clasped to his chest. He was tired, but didn't fall asleep right away. He stared up into the night sky for awhile until his eyes began to droop shut. He too slowly drifted into sleep.

*************

"Hera!"

There was a flash of light blue sparkles before Hera appeared. "You bellowed, Zeus?"

Zeus decided to ignore this and excitedly walked over to his wife. "I think it's time to begin the next part."

Hera raised an eyebrow at this. "You sure? It's still a bit too soon."

"I know, but I don't want to take any chances."

She still wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but knowing it wasn't wise to argue with her husband, complied. She waved a manicured hand, "There, it is done. Now, if you have no more need of my services, I *do* have a garden waiting for me."

Zeus waved her off. "That is all...for now."

Hera slightly bowed her head in acknowledgement and disappeared in another shower of sparkles.

Zeus grinned like a man possessed. //Gods, this is fun!//

************

Strife woke up with a start. For a few seconds he didn't know where he was or what he was doing there, then slowly it all came back to him. He was mortal, stuck on earth with Cupid and Ares. He groaned at this. //Damn! I hoped it had all been a dream.//

Suddenly, an arm snaked across his waist, pulling him up against a strong muscled chest. Which wasn't at all unpleasant, but then something hard and bulky settled in between his clothed ass cheeks. //What tha fuck is that!?// He slowly brought his left hand behind him to investigate the hard bulge. When his hand touched the hard lump, a moan erupted from its owner. //Oh, it's just Cupe.// Realization dawning on him, he whipped his hand away from where it had rested. //Oh!//

Cupid opened his eyes at the sudden movement in front of him. As his eyes adjusted to the sun's rays, he saw a sea of black spiky hair. It took him a few moments for the situation to dawn on him. He found himself snuggled up against his cousin. A blush formed across his features as he realized he had his arm draped over Strife's waist and his morning erection wedged in between the ass in front of him.

Cupid slowly took his arm away and sat up. He watched as Strife turned towards him with a blush of his own. //Gods! He like, looks *so* cute when he blushes.// Cupid blinked a few times at this stray thought. //Whoa, where did *that* come from?//

As Cupid was pondering his strange thoughts about his cousin, Strife cleared his throat.

"Uh...morning, Cupe."

"Um, yeah...morning, Strife," Cupid replied, still blushing. He didn't know why he was suddenly having lewd thoughts about Strife. Deciding to do something besides fantasizing about his cousin and a bowl of whipped cream; Cupid quickly got up and stretched. At least, that's what he hoped it looked like to Strife.

Strife watched Cupid jump up and stretch. He had a feeling Cupid was just as stupefied about the morning's events as he himself was.

*************

Ares woke up to find himself nose to nose with Joxer. It wasn't a bad sight to wake up to. Joxer might not have been what women considered handsome, but he wasn't ugly either. And for some damn reason, Joxer had a huge smile plastered on his face.

He didn't know how it had happened, but at some time in the night while they had slept, Ares' hand had moved to rest on Joxer's ass. Caught between wanting to keep it there or being caught, he quickly, yet quietly removed his hand. This action got him a frown and a mild moan of protest from Joxer.

Seeing Joxer begin to stir awake, Ares quickly closed his eyes, feigning sleep. He did *not* want Joxer to know he had been staring at him.

Joxer sat up, yawned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He glanced around the camp and saw Cupid and Strife sitting a few inches away from each other, looking anywhere but at each other. //Hmm? They're probably waiting for the others to wake up also.//

He got up from the bed and stretched his body out. Unknown to him, Ares was watching every move he made with slitted eyes. Joxer then headed into the woods to take care of a certain pressing matter.

After Joxer left, Ares opened his eyes and sat up. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. When he had been a God, he wouldn't have given someone like Joxer a second thought, but having talked with him the night before and seeing Joxer stand up to the annoying bard, he was wondering if he may have previously been mistaken.

**************

Xena woke up at the same time Strife had, but remained still. One, she was silently watching the interplay between the two former Gods and two, Gabrielle was laying on her arm. Xena glanced towards her left and saw Joxer get up and head into the woods.

Knowing her arm was probably asleep, Xena gently removed it from under Gabrielle's head, getting a few sleepy murmurs from her lover. When she finally retrieved her arm, she wiped it on the grass. She hated it when Gabrielle drooled in her sleep. It always left her wet and sticky.

Xena then sat up and stretched a bit, stifling a yawn. Her attention moved back to Joxer and Ares' side of camp when she heard Ares sit up. She raised an eyebrow at his expression. It looked like a cross between shock and lust. She shrugged her shoulders at this. Far be it for her to even try and understand what went on inside a God's head.

Gabrielle yawned as she finally woke up. Usually she was the first person to wake up, but she had been in the middle of a really hot dream involving her, Cupid and feathers. Lots and lots of feathers! She smiled at this.

Rubbing her eyes to get the errant memory to go away, she sat up and gave Xena a quick kiss. "Morning Xena!" She singsonged happily.

Xena's eyes went wide for a moment. "Uh...morning, Gabrielle. Sleep well?"

"Oh, yes," she sighed, a leer creeping onto her face.

Thinking it was for her, Xena simply hugged her lover and got up onto her feet.

"Alright everyone. Time for us to pack it in and head out."

No one said anything, but nodded their heads and also got to their feet. Joxer came walking back into camp with a grin on his face.

//What in Tartarus is wrong with everyone? Cupid and Strife keep turning red whenever they look at each other. Ares is eyeing Joxer with a weird look on his face. Joxer is grinning like a damned idiot and Gabrielle won't stop leering at me!//

Xena couldn't come up with an answer to her own question, so gave up and walked over to Argo. Grabbing hold of the reins and saddle, she hoisted herself up onto Argo's back while Gabrielle collected the bedrolls from everyone and tied them to the saddle.

Looking over her shoulder to make sure that her charges were behind her, she clicked her tongue twice and lightly whipped the reins. Argo started forward with a snort.

***********

They continued down the path they were following before getting sidetracked the night before. Xena had to slow Argo's pace a bit for the three stragglers behind her. //Guess they're not used to traveling the mortal way.//

After a couple more hours of walking, Gabrielle moved closer to Xena. "Xena, do you smell that?"

Xena wrinkled her brow in concentration, sniffing the air around her. After a few moments, she shook her head until a strong breeze blew by her. //Gods! What in Tartarus is *that* smell?//

She pulled in the reins, stopping Argo. The three mortals behind her didn't notice and kept on walking till they passed her and Gabrielle. //Whoa! They stink!//

"Hold it!"

Three sweat soaked bodies turned as one to look questioningly at Xena.

"You three need a bath...badly!"

She quickly held back a chuckle as the three ex Gods lifted their arms as one and began sniffing themselves. She finally lost it when all three made disgusted faces at each other. //Shit! They should see themselves in a mirror. They'd be a great comedy team,// she laughed again.

"What in the name of Hades' silk nightie is *so* damn funny?" Ares asked, giving Xena a glare that would make most mortals run for their lives.

Not saying a word, Xena hopped down from her perch and walked casually towards Ares. "Absolutely nothing, but you guys definitely need to wash your asses." Raising her voice so the whole group could hear her. "Follow me everyone! There's a lake not too far from here." She turned back to Ares and his relatives. "You three stay behind us. I wouldn't want my nose hairs to spontaneously combust," she snorted as she walked ahead, Argo's reins in her hand.

Gabrielle followed; trying to keep up with Xena's hurried pace. Which was difficult since Joxer *still* had her staff.

Joxer stayed behind with the mortal Gods.

"Why aren't ya up there with Xena and Blondie?" Strife asked, following the two women in front of him.

Joxer gave him a tight smile. "I always walk behind them. They like their privacy so I stay far enough away from them so as not to intrude. Besides, you guys don't smell *that* bad. I've smelt worse. My father was never one to bathe regularly." Giggling a bit at this, he remembered a time when his mother had had enough and had decided to hire two travelers to take her smelly husband to the nearest pond and throw him in. She wouldn't let him back into her bed until he smelled halfway decent.

He then frowned, remembering how pissed his father had been and deciding to take it out on him and his brothers. When their father had finished with them, they couldn't sit correctly on their butts for *two* weeks. After that, mother never mentioned their father's hygienic practices again.

*************

After walking for over an hour, they finally made it to the lake.

Cupid sat heavily onto the grass. He took his boots off one by one and rubbed his sore feet. He *really* hated being mortal!

Strife joined him on the grass. He sat a few inches away from him, not trusting a certain part of his body from announcing itself.

He felt extremely hot and very uncomfortable in his leather outfit. When he had been a God he didn't have to worry about wearing leather when it was hot, but now he wished Zeus had at least provided them with appropriate clothing. Too hot to care who was around him, he proceeded to undo the fastenings to his top. His mother always said he was too pale, so a little sun on his body wouldn't hurt.

*************

Ares also sat down on the grass. He was definitely *not* a 'happy camper'! It was close to noon as far as he could tell looking up into the sky. He was hot, he was tired and Xena was right, he *did* smell.

Joxer seated himself on a nearby tree stump. His feet hurt too, but he was used to walking most of his life, so never really gave it a second thought. He felt sympathy for the three men. They didn't look too happy.

He watched Cupid take his boots off, tossing them as if they were a dead animal and start to rub his feet. Strife was shedding clothes left and right. His hair was matted to his forehead and his face was flushed from the exertion of walking so long in the heat.

Joxer brought his attention to Ares, seeing the War God do the same as his son and nephew. Course he didn't seem as worn out as the others.

He watched as Ares began to take his vest off. Joxer couldn't help himself; he sat there all but staring at the defined, hard muscles on Ares' chest and abdomen. When he realized what he was doing, he closed his eyes and shook his head.

Suddenly feeling thirsty, Joxer went for his water skin. He took a big gulp and sighed in relief. When he took it away from his mouth, he caught the stares of the three men...looking at him? No...They were eyeing his water skin. He mentally smacked himself on the forehead. He almost forgot they needed to drink water now also.

He got up from the tree stump and stiffly made his way over to the ex Gods. The look in their eyes was all but pleading. "I don't have much water in here, but I'll fill it up before we leave." Saying this, he handed the skin to Strife first, since he looked worse for wear than the other two. Strife muttered a throaty thank you before he brought it to his dry and chapped lips.

Joxer smiled at this and headed towards Xena when he caught her motioning to him with her finger. "I'll be right back."

***************

"So how are we going to do this?" Gabrielle asked as she wiped at a bead of sweat rolling down her face.

Xena sighed. She wasn't totally sure, but she did have an idea. She knew they *all* needed baths, but Ares and his family looked like they could use a nice dunk in the lake more so than her and Gabrielle.

She watched as Joxer walked over to the three men and handed Strife his water skin. She made a mental note to get the three of them some decent clothes when they got to the next village on their way to Thebes. Strife looked like he would pass out any time now.

Xena walked over to Argo's saddle and began rummaging around in one of the saddlebags looking for four clean rags and the soap root. With items in hand, she beckoned Joxer to her. She saw Joxer look up, see her motioning to him, then started walking towards her.

"What's up, Xena?" Joxer asked, standing a few feet in front of her.

Xena handed him the items. "Here. Take these rags and soap root and have Ares and the others get ready to bathe. Ares should know what to do, but I'm not so sure about Cupid and Strife." She stole a quick glance at her father then turned it back to Joxer. "Show them what to do and make sure Cupid and Strife don't drown out there. I have no idea if they even know how to swim."

"Okay. Where will you and Gabby be at?" Joxer asked as he took the items from Xena.

"We'll be just up the path. Gabrielle and I have some much needed things to talk about and anyway, I want to be sure our way is clear." At Joxer's nod of understanding, she walked away from him and headed over to where Gabrielle and Argo awaited her.

**************

With rags and soap in hand, Joxer walked back over to Ares and his kin. Joxer cleared his throat lightly to get their attention. "Okay guys, here's the deal. The four of us are going to strip to our birthday suits and walk over to the lake. I have rags and soap for us to use. Xena and Gabby won't be back for a few hours so we'll be able to take our time washing." Joxer handed a rag to each of the men. He then sat on the grass and proceeded to take his boots off.

Cupid had no problems stripping in front of people, since he is...was the God of Love. Although, he hesitated a few moments when he saw Strife look at him. //Man, poor Strife don't look too good.//

Strife was panting a bit from heat exhaustion. The water he had drunk had helped some, but he hoped that when he finally got submerged in the cool water of the lake, he'd feel a whole lot better. He had turned his head to watch his cousin, but he didn't really feel like enjoying the show right now. Maybe after he got cooled down?

Ares was already stripping out of his pants. He chanced a look at his son and nephew. When they just sat there looking at each other, he got impatient. "Hey you two! Quit ogling each other and strip! We have a long ways to go and we don't have time for you guys to procrastinate. Now move it!"

Startled out of their thoughts, the two younger Gods began to remove what was left of their clothing.

Finally, after ten minutes of staring and stripping, the four men were ready. Joxer led them to the edge of the lake and slowly walked in. He was followed by Ares, then Strife and last but not least, Cupid.

Joxer looked over to see Ares kneel down till he was completely submerged then pop back up. He inwardly smiled at the sight. He knew the ex War God was attractive, but damn if he wasn't more so when wet.

As Ares began to wash himself, Joxer looked over to where Cupid and Strife were. They just stood there, looking first at each other, then at Ares and him, then the water, and back at each other. From the looks on their faces, he guessed they had no idea on how to proceed. //A man's work is never done.// He sighed to himself. He swooshed over to where the two younger men were. "Do you guys need help?"

This got him two identical blushes of embarrassment as they shyly nodded their heads. Smiling lightly at this, Joxer proceeded to explain and show them how to wash themselves. "Okay, first you need to get yourselves wet." Joxer went under the water and came back up. "Like that."

He waited patiently as the two men followed his example. Strife popped up first, snorting water out of his nose and mouth. Joxer giggled lightly. "Oops. Forgot to tell you to hold your breath first." Still snorting, Strife just glared at him.

Cupid emerged a few seconds after Strife. He tossed his head back as he popped out of the water. Unconsciously, he began to flap his wings dry. This action sprayed droplets of water at Strife.

"Hey! Cupe, quit that. You're splashin' me."

Cupid turned his head towards his cousin, giving him his patented 'duh' look. "Uh, Strife? You're already wet, dude."

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