Here is a copy of the challenge all aspects met.

While Joxer is travelling with Xena and Gabs, they notice certain symptoms which should not be happening to him. Guess what? He's pregnant!

*Joxer is a Demi-God -- you decide who's his mother/father

*the story must go up till after the birth of the child (no tiny little stories with this one)

*the other parent of the child must be an Olympian, but not Ares, Strife, Aphrodite, or Hera

*No member of Joxer's immediate family is allowed to appear

*Something bad must happen to Gabrielle

*The story's title must be named with the title of a song by the Barenaked Ladies (if you don't know any, I would be pleased to provide you with a list :p)

*The child must be named after one of the Joxerotica listsibs, and you must provide an explanationa as to why Joxer decided to name his child with that name

*Other specifics:
--Joxer shaving his legs
--Argo falling in love
--A new hat for Joxer (must be different from the pasta-strainer and not that mexican hat from Chin)
--babysitting
--a man named Ivan

One Week
By kirasmommy
Summary: Answer to the JCC challenge issued by JaimeBlue
Rating: R
Warnings: Angst, Male pregnancy, mild comedy, and death
Pairing: Joxer/Cupid
Notes: This last season never happened in this story. I can't remember if Argo is male or female so in this Argo is male.
Spoilers: Green Eyed monster...
Disclaimer: I don't own them nor do I make money off of this. Further disclaimer...there are two characters that are not real they are based on a comedy act by two comedians please do not confuse them with the actual people they are only based on the characters that the two portrayed not the actors themselves. I can't be more specific without giving it away. They are also not slashed so don't think of it as that. They are only provided for comedic effect. I repeat they are not to be thought of as RPS they are not real. They are based on the characters the comedians presented to the public not the actors themselves.

Joxer trudged behind Xena and Gabrielle as they made their way through the forest. It wasn't particularly hot but he felt run down. He kept falling behind them all day. As the sun started to make its way back down after reaching its highest point he finally stripped his hat and some of his armor off and threw it to the side. It was too hot and too heavy for him. The girls kept remarking that it was a nice day, that it wasn't hot but he felt the heat in his bones.

Finally as they settled in for the night he blissfully passed out as soon as his head it the pillow. He didn't even bother with his usually ignored banter.

"You think he's getting sick?" Gabrielle asked as she propped up her head up.

"Could be." Xena sighed. A sick Joxer would definitely slow them up.

In the morning instead of waking with the sun which is what he tended to do much to the annoyance of Xena and Gabrielle he still slept as they packed up their belongings. It wasn't the fact that he usually awoke so early...just that he was so damn happy when he did.

Finally Xena nudged him with her toe. "Wakey Wakey"

He flapped his hand vaguely in her direction and turned over.

"Wake up or we will just leave you here." Xena told him sternly with her hands on her hips.

He cast a rueful eye in her direction. He was half tempted to call her bluff. He was just so damn tired and despite their protestations it felt like it was hot to him.

But he got up regardless.

Xena and Gabrielle slowed their pace, as it seemed that every half-hour he had to answer the call of nature.

Xena started to look suspicious; finally as they once again turned in for the night she asked him privately the question she had been holding all day.

"Joxer I don't like to pry into your personal life but when you were gone last week. Did you...um did you by chance...visit...Meg's?" Xena looked decidedly uncomfortable.

Joxer looked a little surprised. "Why would you ask such a thing?"

"Well the tiredness and the well...constant relieving yourself? Could you have picked something up?" She looked everywhere but at him.

"You mean like a weepy peepee?" He asked boldly with a touch of anger.

Xena not quite blushed.

"No I did not pick up some disease! I haven't been to Meg's in a while and...anyone I would have been with...they wouldn't have diseases like that." He said a little uncomfortable himself.

She nodded her head. "I'm glad to hear it."

He looked away from her.

"Um could anything else be wrong." Xena asked quietly as Gabrielle walked by.

"I'm not sure. I'm thinking of seeing the family healer soon if it don't clear up. I rarely if ever get sick. Just that one time really." He said vaguely.

"That may be wise." She tried a smile.

He gave her a half smile with no feeling behind it. He sighed and lay down to rest and was quickly asleep.

As he lightly snored Gabrielle whispered to Xena, "Well?"

"He says it's not that. But something is wrong he doesn't usually get so winded!"

"Not to mention all the...stops along the way!" Gabrielle agreed.

The next day Joxer volunteered to cook their dinner. They were near to town and had bought a chicken at his insistence. They feared his cooking really but he insisted.

He let the boiled chicken cool before starting to pick the meat off throwing it back into the broth. But both started to feel a little ill as they watched him start to eat the fatty skin from the chicken. He tore into the small meal like he hadn't eaten in a week.

"Um hungry?" Gabrielle asked with a disgusted look.

He merely nodded as he continued to slurp at the skin. It looked soft and greasy and a little gooey.

Xena wrinkled her brow as she watched him.

What ever was wrong it was more than something in his urine or as he called it pee pee.

He sat in his vest and pants having taken off his shoes and losing the armor he had discarded in the woods licking his fingers clean.

As he fell asleep for the third day in a row before the girls Xena touched his head gently. "No fever" she whispered.

Gabrielle nodded as Xena's hands drifted to Joxer's middle. Gabrielle noticed the perplexed look on her friend and lover's face.

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

"I can't be sure without pushing down and risking waking him but I swear...there is a small bulge right about here!" She waved her hand around his pelvis.

"Could he have an infection?" Gabrielle asked

"Anything is possible." Xena shrugged.

She backed away as he turned on his side suddenly.

It was the next morning that he started to vomit. Gabrielle made it a point to scout ahead while Xena held his head as he repeatedly emptied his stomach.

"Oh gods I'm going to die." He moaned.

"Maybe it was something you ate." She tried to smile as she lightly stroked his back.

He weakly shook his head. "No I don't think so."

"Do you know what is wrong?" Xena asked him point blank.

"I suspect. Don't worry I'm not contagious." He told her blandly.

She patted his back lightly as he once again retched this time on nothing, as his stomach was completely empty. "I wasn't worried about that. You need to see a healer."

He thought hard for a second. "I will in the next town. I know the healer there. He will see me."

Gabrielle poked her head back shyly prepared to sprint if Joxer was still getting sick. When it seemed that the coast was clear so to speak she sat down.

Joxer made his way to the stream under his own power as he left the clearing he heard Gabrielle say "He isn't going to give us anything is he? YUCK! Let's just lose him in the next town?"

As he washed out his mouth in the stream he felt rather than saw the goddess appear behind him. "She is such a bitch! What did you ever see in her?"

"Hello Aphrodite. What do you want?"

"NOTHING sweetheart! Why do you always think I want something?" She asked in her sweet slightly perturbed voice.

"Because the only time you appear to me is when you want something!" He growled at her.

"What's with the mood stud?" She asked as she wrinkled her nose.

"I DON'T have a MOOD!"

She took a step back and put her hands up in a 'I surrender' move. "Okay stud no mood!"

"What do you want?" He asked her again in an irritated voice.

"Cupid was worried about you. You won't talk to him." She pouted.

"Why should I talk to him." He sounded bitter.

"Oh come ON! You two were doing the dirty deed for about a week! What was that about? Come on he cares about you!" Aphrodite over dramatized.

"Oh he really cares alright! The minute his ex-wife pops in he drops me and follows her!"

"He wanted to explain that! Bliss was getting into some trouble and he needed to go take care of it." Aphrodite sighed.

Joxer wasn't listening. Well actually he was listening but he didn't want to listen. He wanted to scream for no reason.

"Go away!" he told her.

"What IS your problem?" She asked impatiently.

"I don't HAVE a problem!" He pouted.

"Oh ZEUS! You aren't going to cry are you?" She asked incredulously.

"Of-of course not." He not quite quavered.

As he felt another presence appear he took off like a rabbit.

"He keeps doing that!" Cupid pouted.

"I know baby. Maybe I should talk to his daddy. Maybe he can shed some light on his behavior." She shook her blonde head.

Back at camp Joxer sat by himself and pouted. Xena and Gabrielle looked on in wonder.

"Joxer?"

"Leave me alone." He sounded petulant.

Xena made a hands off gesture.

Gabrielle on the other hand looked angry. "What the hell is your problem? Just because you are sick don't mean that you can treat us like crap!"

"I'm not sick!" He yelled at her.

"Then what do you call puking your guts up? You've been sick for days! Admit it!"

"I'm not sick." He said again quieter.

"Then what's wrong with YOU?" She yelled at him in return.

He felt the presence he had been avoiding for a week nearby he knew that he was watching but he no longer cared. He was just so uncontrollably angry.

"I'M PREGNANT!"

The pronouncement was greeted with silence at first then eventually Gabrielle spoke.

"Are you NUTS? Mortal men do NOT get pregnant!" She told him sternly.

Xena just blinked.

He took a deep breath as he felt the flux of power nearby. He didn't need to look behind him to know that Cupid had made his presence known to the others. Xena's eyes widened slightly and Gabrielle's mouth stayed open for a second longer than necessary.

"You are right, mortal men can not get pregnant, but many demi-gods can."

He came up behind Joxer and laid a hand on his shoulder. Joxer crossed his arms. "I'm mad at you!"

Cupid rolled his eyes. "I know you are mad at me you've made that like totally clear!"

Gabrielle waved her finger at the two as her mouth tried to catch up to her brain. "But...he-he isn't a demi-god!"

"Bet me?" Cupid eyes sparkled with what might have been excitement.

Joxer just pouted.

Xena narrowed her eyes. "Who's his father?"

Her hand was on her weapon for a second.

Cupid tightened his grip on Joxer's shoulder. "No one you know too well don't worry. Hypnos the God of Sleep."

Xena relaxed.

Gabrielle on the other hand was becoming livid. "You expect us to believe that he is the son of the God of Sleep?"

Cupid looked a bit insulted. Joxer just glared at her.

"Don't demi-gods have powers usually? Some sort of special ability...besides the ability to get pregnant and trip over his feet!" She sounded mocking.

Joxer sighed. He passed his hand in front of her and for a few seconds she was living her worst nightmare without ever having fallen asleep. As she came back to herself she gasped for air.

Xena jumped forward, "What did you do to her?"

"She's fine she just had what is called a Daymare. I can't do it for long but it is like a nightmare when you are awake. And it is my ONLY power." He seemed a little embarrassed.

After a few more seconds Gabrielle collected her thoughts and started again. "Okay so he may be a demi-god but tell me this! Who is the *father* of the baby?"

Cupid shook out his wings and cleared his throat. "Um that would be me."

Joxer made a "Humph" sound and turned a little bit away from Cupid.

Xena raised an eyebrow.

"He's mad at me right now." Cupid smirked.

"I can tell." Xena said amused.

Gabrielle was still angry herself. "I don't get it what would a god like you want with...him?"

Xena looked closely at her lover. If she didn't know better she would swear that Gabby was jealous. That she only wanted Joxer's attention upon her and no one else.

Xena sighed and mentally told her blonde love {Shut up Gabrielle, don't piss him off!}

Actually by this point it may well have been too late. Cupid may be the God of Love but he was the child of War and Xena saw the look in his eyes that perfectly mirrored his father's most hateful look.

Cupid regarded her very seriously before speaking, "I happen to love him."

"What happened to Psyche?" Xena asked quietly.

"We...got divorced." Cupid cleared his throat. "It didn't work out."

"What if it don't work out between you and Joxer?" Xena questioned him.

"Xena, this situation is totally different. With Psyche I was under the spell of one of my arrows. I'm not here. And even after I came out from under the arrows effects with Psyche I tried to make it work out." He sounded sad and Joxer tightened his fingers around his arms. Jealousy flamed in his eyes.

"Psyche walked out on me. It wasn't the first time and truthfully if given half the chance she would have come back again. But only to walk out on me again the first time some guy gave her the come and get it sign." Cupid managed a weak smile and placed a hand on each of Joxer's shoulders. "Joxer broke the pattern."

Xena sat down while Gabrielle looked skeptical. "How did HE break the pattern?"

"Despite the difficulties last time while babysitting without Psyche around I needed the occasional babysitter for Bliss. He was the only one willing to give it another try. Most people, gods included, run the other way when they know I need a babysitter."

"So he was your babysitter?" Xena asked.

"Yes." Cupid sighed as he stroked Joxer's shoulders.

Joxer was trying to stay mad but it was becoming more difficult.

"How did that break the pattern and lead to him...you know." Gabrielle asked.

Cupid smiled, "He's cute for one thing."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes causing Cupid to lose his smile.

"Bliss can be a handful. But Joxer stayed with it. See it was oh about two weeks ago really that he started to watch Bliss. Psyche had been gone for One Week already and I was desperate I had a lot to do and I couldn't put things off any longer. Psyche couldn't be found and would have refused if I had found her. I think she was with Hermes this time. Anyway I found Joxer just sitting in the woods waiting around for you two to come back from town."

Xena had the grace to look down. It was one of the rare times that they had successfully gotten away from the would be warrior.

"Anyway I told him my problem and eventually he agreed to help. He went through hell that week he watched Bliss, I would come home and find..." Cupid chuckled. "Joxer covered with goo, or dressed in frilly clothes like Mom's. Or sometimes I would come home and Joxer would greet me and then pass out. It got to the point that every morning Bliss would wake up early and ask for Uncle Joxer to hurry up and come watch him. He had so much fun."

Joxer looked toward the sky. "Yeah he had LOADS of fun he wasn't the one that ended up shaving his legs!"

Xena's eyes widened. "Why did you have to shave your legs?"

Cupid smothered the giggles that threatened to erupt. "Um apparently one of the times that Bliss tied Joxer up he used some sort of sticky tape. It was gray and very strong. Anyway he taped Joxer around the legs. When Joxer pulled the tape off some but not all of his hair came off. It looked like he had stripes on his legs going around and around."

"I shaved my legs so that it would be even." Joxer pouted, "it itched like hell when the hair started coming in."

Cupid giggled, "Is that why you keep shaving them now?"

"SHUT UP!" Joxer told him embarrassed.

Xena covered her mouth in an effort not to laugh. Gabrielle on the other hand did not seem amused. "What does this have to do with Joxer being pregnant?"

Cupid was getting very irritated with Gabby.

"After a couple of days I started keeping Joxer over longer after Bliss was asleep. I would feed him dinner in an effort to make up the day to him. I started to get to know him. He's nice." Cupid reached out and stroked Joxer's face. Joxer looked at him with pain in his eyes.

"The next week we got a little closer. As the God of Love I could tell what I was feeling was real. I knew he felt the same. We didn't need to wait any longer. I took the next week off and we spent the entire week getting real close." He smiled and pulled Joxer to him.

Joxer tried to retain his anger but with Cupid so close it was hard and the hormonal roller coaster that he was on had moved away from anger and had headed into calmer, sweeter feelings. He laid his head on Cupid's chest after a few minutes and Cupid finally sighed a sigh of relief.

Gabrielle made a disgusted sound.

Cupid had had enough. He pulled out his arrows and bow and with a quick flick on his wrist he shot Argo, Xena's horse. Then he shot Gabrielle.

Joxer looked stunned, as did Xena until Gabrielle began to coo and love on the horse that in return nuzzled Gabrielle.

"What did you DO TO HER?" Xena yelled.

"Well she's being a horse's ass she might as well be a horse's bitch too!" Cupid snarled.

Again the resemblance to Ares' manner was uncanny. It was easy to forget who his father was, that is until moments like this.

"Break the spell Cupid!" Xena demanded.

"NO! And you can't make me!" Cupid crossed his arms.

"APHRODITE!" Xena yelled.

In a flurry of flower petals and hearts the blonde bouncy goddess of Love appeared. "What? I was busy talking to someone!"

"Cupid put a spell on Gabrielle take it off of her!"

"No can do, exactly what happened?"

"She's in love with a horse." Cupid told her calmly.

Aphrodite giggled. "EW"

"The horse loves her back."

"Double EW, but at least its mutual." She laughed.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Xena yelled.

"Then babe you aren't looking at it from where we are!"

Gabrielle was rubbing up against the horse who was licking the blonde sidekick with a long sticky tongue.

"EW" Cupid, Dite and Joxer said together.

"Take the spell off." Xena demanded.

Dite wrinkled her nose and ignored the warrior princess. "Cupid great news I talked to Hypnos and he thinks he knows what is wrong!"

"Joxer's pregnant!" Cupid announced before she could finish.

She stomped her foot and pouted. "I WANTED to tell you! No FAIR."

Aphrodite hugged Joxer. "I'm gonna be a grandmother again. This is so great!"

Xena growled reminding them that she was still there.

"Oh Chill Babe! Give it awhile and then we will do something about her."

Xena wasn't too happy but didn't see where she could force the issue too much.

She sat down with a thump and almost but not quite pouted.

After a few minutes of listening to Aphrodite and Cupid jabber back and forth between each other in excited voices Xena finally asked the question she had wondered about since the beginning.

"Why was Joxer so mad at you?"

Cupid had the grace to look embarrassed. "Um I screwed up a couple of times."

Joxer looked angry again.

It gave Xena a moment's pleasure to see Joxer mad at Cupid. After what he had done to Gabby.

"I uh sorta...well see...once Psyche found out that I was involved with someone, she decided to come back. I almost fell back into my old habits."

"Almost?" Joxer said bitterly.

"I met Psyche in the garden and we kissed. Joxer saw it. But it didn't feel the same anymore and that was when I knew it was over." Cupid told him directly.

"Is that why every time she comes around and says..." Here Joxer made his voice two octaves higher in false soprano, "Oh dear...I need help! You run off with your nose up her ass?"

Xena blinked she had never heard Joxer so bitter before.

"Look I'm sorry but she's been using our son as a weapon!"

"And you fall for it every damn time!" Joxer yelled.

Aphrodite took a few steps backward with a hands off gesture.

"What if I don't go and it's a real emergency?" Cupid yelled back.

"Well there's one way to solve that isn't there?" Joxer stomped his foot. "Take Bliss permanently instead of just when she wants to party. Then ignore her damn mind games."

Aphrodite whispered to Xena, "Blended families are so hard to work out."

Cupid took a deep breath before speaking again, "I know this is hard for you. She's always playing these twisted games to get me alone. But you have to trust me."

Joxer looked perplexed. "I want to trust you and I don't trust her at all."

"You have to trust me that I will be faithful. It's over between Psyche and me. I know that. All that's left is for her to know that too and if you run away she will never give up. Stay and show her that we are together. Don't let her win! She WANTS you to leave me."

Cupid held Joxer's hands tightly. "Please I want to be a family with you. You, Me, Bliss and the New baby!"

Cupid reached out and touched the little bump that had formed over the last few days.

Joxer looked down before nodding and hugging Cupid; "Alright but I need help once in a while this is harder than I ever imagined."

"Yay and you live happily ever after," Xena said sarcastically, "Now release Gabrielle!"

Cupid looked at her crossly. And she backed down while trying hard not to look at her beloved horse and her lover cuddling by the tree.

"Psyche won't be happy to hear we are having a child. And I can't take you to Olympus until I have permission from Zeus." Cupid told Joxer.

"Do you think she may try something?" Joxer held a hand over his stomach.

"I wouldn't put it past her. You were competition by yourself. She will know there is no hope if we have a child." Cupid told him.

"She has to know that if she kills either the child or me that there will also be no hope. Right?" Joxer asked.

Cupid looked unsure. "She isn't always in her right mind."

"Oh GREAT!" Joxer said sitting down suddenly with his head in his hands.

"We have an advantage though she don't know yet." Cupid told him rubbing his back.

"Um I wouldn't count on that hon.," Aphrodite said biting her lip.

"Mom what did you do?" Cupid asked her nervously suspicious.

"Um I didn't really think about it. I was just so happy when Hypnos told me what he suspected that I just sort of announced it to everyone. You know how people gossip so I'm sure that she knows by now." Aphrodite shrugged.

"Oh great mom real smooth!" Cupid groaned.

Xena stood up. "Well what do we do now?"

"All we can do is try to get Joxer to Apollo's temple in the next town. Normally I would just zap us there but that might be dangerous right now. If she knows she could divert us or actually interrupt the transfer causing the baby which isn't ready to be born yet to leave Joxie's body and go one place while he, himself ends up somewhere else."

"That means that we travel by foot." Xena said. "Tomorrow at first light. We leave."

"I'm coming too!" Cupid said.

Joxer just nodded.

As they entered the large town Cupid hid his wings under a glamour. Joxer stuck as close as possible. Xena had given up trying to ride Argo. Gabrielle made it too difficult to walk too far. Between her wanting to hug and love on the horse and the horse wanting to nuzzle her they had to keep stopping every few steps.

Finally Xena got off and handed the reins to Gabby.

Unknown to them they were being watched by two groups of people, two Roman and two Greek.

One of the Roman men saw them first.

"Hey man! Hey Cheechicus!"

"Whut?" The Roman man with the small mustache asked.

"Look man!"

"Look at what Chongicus?" He asked his longer haired companion.

"That woman with the horse man! What does that remind you of man?" Chongicus asked swaying slightly.

Cheechicus looked closer through squinted eyes that were dilated too much to see well. Finally he got excited. "Oh Oh that show we saw in Rome last month man! Only that chickie was with a donkey man!"

Chongicus nodded unsteadily. "Yeah Man! Cost us two gold pieces too. To see the same thing."

"Think she will get it on with that horse later on man?" Cheechicus asked leering.

"I don't know man! Think we should follow man?"

"Nah man we got to wait for that Sal guy!" Cheechicus reminded Chongicus.

"Oh bummer man!"

"Yeah bummer man!" He agreed.

Nearby others were also watching, the two Greek men.

"We need to tell Psyche." Was the only words spoken by the two men.

As the groups moved closer to Apollo's temple another man finally approached the two men from Rome.

"Hey I have a message from Salmoneous!"

"Who man?" Chongicus asked.

"Sal!" The messenger said.

"Who?"

"Sal!"

"Who?"

"Sal!" The messenger repeated again getting irritated.

"Sal's not here man!"

The messenger rubbed his head and groaned it was bound to be a long day.

As they entered the temple Cupid shrugged off his glamour and called out. "UNCLE!"

Apollo appeared in a flash of light. "What man? I was about to go sun surfing!"

"I want you to take a look at someone." Cupid told him.

Apollo raised an eyebrow.

Cupid took Joxer's hand and pulled him to the altar.

"What's the prob bob?" he asked.

"He's pregnant." Cupid told him quietly.

"Oh yeah I heard talk about that. Psyche is pissed. Some of the furies are even calling her Psycho instead of Psyche."

"I figured she would be. I just wanted you to check and see if you know, the baby and Joxie's okay ya know."

"No prob. But ya know this is more up Hera's alley than mine." He reminded him as he touched the smallish bump low on Joxer's abdomen.

"Cool baby cool!" He nodded happily. "The kiddo's just fine. You seem to be progressing at a quick rate. You will only be pregnant about...oh half the time that a normal mortal woman would be. Now if you dudes don't mind I gotta catch some rays."

He flashed out.

"That worries me what he said about Psyche. I wonder what she has planned." Cupid remarked as they walked out of the temple, once more under a glamour spell.

They discovered at least half of her plan when a small group of men attacked them as they came out the door.

They were unprepared at first but Xena took up the slack until the others got their bearings. Soon Cupid was showing the world that he was more like his father than most people would credit he fought with the same ferocious intensity. Joxer slipped away back into the temple while Gabrielle fought hard to protect Argo who had joined the fight to protect her, his mare.

The fight was pretty short lived. But when the dust began to settle Cupid noticed that Joxer was gone. He spent panic filled minutes looking for him before Xena rushed up Apollo's steps and announced that he had went inside.

On another level Psyche waited for him and just as he came through the door she cast her own glamour over Joxer.

What Cupid saw and what Xena saw were completely at odds.

Xena saw Joxer huddled by a chair. But what Cupid saw was more important.

He saw thanks to Psyche, Joxer in an intense embrace with Apollo. Apollo was slowly undressing Joxer who was giving himself willingly to the golden God.

Cupid felt himself shift and change. With a roar he leapt forward taking Xena by surprised since she was confused by his change. He had become a green monster consumed with jealousy and he was bent on revenge.

As Xena jumped forward it was too late he had already reached Joxer swiping at him. He cuffed Joxer on the head sending him reeling across the altar.

Blood poured from the cut above his eye.

As Cupid tried to grapple with the Apollo illusion and then on some level he understood when his hands met thin air that it had been a trick.

He quickly felt himself shift and felt horror as he saw what he had done.

Joxer was slightly glassy eyed and dazed as Cupid scooped him up into his arms.

"Oh Zeus I never meant to...I didn't mean for it..."

"What the hell just happened here?" Xena hissed.

"Psyche she plays with the mind. She made me think that Joxer was with Apollo!"

He stroked Joxer's head as he murmured softly to him his apologies over and over again offering a heartfelt prayer to Hera to insure the baby's survival.

Xena growled to herself before turning to Cupid.

"You told him that he had to trust you, he had to trust you to be faithful despite her mind games. You have to do the same. You have to trust HIM! All couples must trust one another to stay true."

And inside she realized that is what had been bothering her. Gabrielle hadn't even attempted to stay true to her. She just as happily went with a horse as with her. In fact over the years that had always been true, she went with others just as easily as she went with Xena. Always coming back when she was done. Perhaps she too had fallen into a pattern!

She had seen many resist the pull of Cupid's arrows over the years but Gabby never even tried.

She spun around as she heard another god appear. She raised her sword prepared to fight Psyche on a physical level after hurting her friend through deceit.

Hera stared at her with steel in her eyes. "You don't honestly intend to strike me do you?"

"No. I thought you were someone else." Xena offered still wary not trusting the Queen of the Gods who delighted in playing with humans as much as all Olympians did.

"I didn't think so." She said.

"Well what do we have here?" Hera asked.

"Please." Was all that Cupid said.

Hera looked uncomfortable as she considered them.

Finally after what felt like an eternity she spoke. "I can see it from both sides of the coin. I was a scorned woman. Though I did not cheat on my husband as Psyche so chooses. I can also see it from the role of the step parent, expected to care for the children made by another woman on her husband yet not allowed to truly have a real role in their lives. Forever reminded of the link between her husband and another woman. Forever fearing if he should have a change of heart." Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Cupid and Joxer.

"All step parents have insecurities at first it is up to the one they are being with to allay those insecurities. If they do not there will never be any happiness. This I know well. I hear the word trust. How can someone trust when there is no precedence for that trust? Cupid trusted and he was cheated on at every turn. Joxer trusted and saw Cupid with Psyche. But until you can trust, Psyche will always win each battle set before you two."

Cupid's head sank down.

"I offer you a choice. Allow him and the child to die. Release them both and forget it all."

Cupid jumped up prepared to fight.

Hera smiled an evil smile. "Good that means you may well be willing to take the second option."

"Capture Psyche and bind yourself forever to Joxer. No divorce ever. You will be as two people in one. Unable to ever cheat, why should I save them both for them to only be hurt later in the future should you ever tire of them. Just as Zeus does, just as almost every Olympian with the exception of those willing to bond has done. It would be a true marriage. One that will last till both of you expire together. In the meantime Psyche will be stripped of her Godhood."

"Grandmother, Joxer is only a demi-god he is half mortal." Cupid whispered quietly.

"You only have the two options. Let them die and end it now or if you truly do love them bond with a half mortal." Hera intoned.

Cupid looked to Xena who had no advice.

He looked down at Joxer who had turned extremely white and whose eyes had slid close. His breathing was shallow and fast.

"I do love him. I don't want to live without him anyway. So be it, I shall die when he does. When ever that time may be." Cupid held Joxer closer to him as tears made their way down his face.

Hera smiled a real smile. "I hoped you would chose that."

She placed her hand upon Joxer's stomach and concentrated. "The baby will be fine the damage was done entirely to Joxer but the baby's life depends on Joxer's continuing."

She place her hands upon Joxer's head and concentrated again. "He will be fine but he will need rest. He may still go into shock if you aren't careful. Keep him warm if he gets cold and let him rest."

Cupid sighed with relief. "Thank you Grandmother."

"I'm not done with you yet. Remember our deal. His life and yours forever entwined. And the capture of Psyche, no god or goddess may attack another. The only good rule Zeus ever came up with."

Hera grabbed Cupid and then grabbed Joxer. As the power coursed through her All three were surrounded by a halo of blue light. As it died down it centered above Cupid and Joxer's hearts.

"It is done. Now go find her." Hera told them as she flashed out.

"That's it?" Xena asked, "You two are married?"

"More than married Xena, bonded." Cupid said breathlessly as Joxer looked at him in wonder.

"I can feel you." Joxer breathed.

"I can feel you too. It's like you are there inside of me too and if I concentrate really hard I can be you." Cupid said reaching out to Joxer.

"It's so weird! Nice too."

Cupid concentrated as he noticed something different. He started to chuckle as he realized what was different besides the bond.

"What's wrong?" Xena asked.

"The curse that Hera laid on me...it's gone. She removed it. I won't change into a monster anymore!" Cupid laughed happily.

Xena nodded. "Makes since. If you can't cheat on each other no need to worry about jealousy like that!"

On a level that they could not see Psyche growled.

Outside they could hear the exasperated shouts of a messenger. "Sal can deliver his own damn messages!"

"Sal ain't here man!"

"I wonder what that was about?" Gabrielle said dreamily as she nuzzled against the horse. The other three pointedly tried not to turn around and look at her.

More than once as they walked through the town they had to stop and rest for Joxer.

As they leaned against a building while he caught his breath they could hear the deep tones of a vender selling his wares. His accent was odd but he spoke in understandable Greek.

"Hats! Hats for sale! It may be warm now but in cold in winter need hat. Be glad you buy one. Keep head warm in winter when comes! Hats! Buy them now and have ready for winter!"

Joxer looked over and wandered over. "I'm cold now."

Cupid took a blanket off the horse much to Gabby's annoyance and put it around Joxer's shoulders.

The vender smiled. "Good hats. Want to buy sir?"

"They are furry." He smiled.

"Fur keep head warm in winter. I catch make good hats, come down and sell to you." The vendor said.

"You are from far away. What is your name?" Joxer asked.

"I am Ivan. I catch animal make good hat. You buy yes?" Ivan smiled through his thick beard.

"They are really soft." Joxer felt one.

"Rabbit. Good, soft." Ivan agreed gamely.

As Joxer looked a little tiny hat caught his eye. "Ohhhh a little baby hat!"

He cooed to the hat and showed Cupid who smiled weakly until he realized how happy it made Joxer. "It could keep the baby's head all nice and warm."

"Yes good hat for baby! Father? Many kids? Hats of many size!" Ivan showed him.

"One baby, not born yet." Joxer told him.

"Ah very good hat! Buy gloves and boots for baby?" he showed him a matching pair of furry little gloves and booties.

"Ahhhh." Joxer said.

Cupid rolled his eyes and reached into what looked like a pouch due to the glamour spell but he conjured up dinars. "Here for both hats and the booties and gloves."

"Thank you! Thank you sir. Be very warm!" Ivan said bowing a couple of times as he put the money away and handed them the items.

As they started to turn away Ivan spoke again. "Wait!"

He handed them something. "For baby when born. Keep baby safe yes? Keep bad magic away yes? Good parents have yes?"

He beamed as Joxer took it. It was a gold amulet, not very big but with a ruby in the center. If nothing else it was rather pretty.

"Don't you need it?"

"Me, no kids grow have own kids...have own..." He gestured at the amulet not sure of the proper Greek word.

Joxer smiled and took it.

"Thank you!"

Ivan turned away and started calling out. "Hats, Hats! Good for winter. Warm now but turn cold. Have hat ready. Be warm in cold!"

Joxer continued to be sick every morning as they continued to the home of Psyche's lone temple. She only had one. It was there that Cupid planned to confront her. They went on foot for fear that if he should leave Joxer alone that she would strike and they went on foot because she could disrupt the transfer killing the baby.

Xena found it easier and easier to ignore her friend. Once they were lovers but now...her partner was infatuated with a horse.

At least they hadn't actually figured out how to well...do anything together. They contented themselves with nuzzling and cuddling. The scary thing was that Gabby was starting to *understand* the horse.

Xena was finding it harder and harder to think of the horse as hers. Heck with the way Gabby talked to it she was finding it harder to think OF him as a horse.

The bulge in front of Joxer steadily grew. And occasionally when he was completely still she could see movement underneath the fabric. She thought back to when she had been pregnant with Solan and smiled a sad smile. She would love to feel that again and she decided to be more helpful and understanding when Joxer complained about swollen ankles and feet. She chuckled. She was going to be an Aunt! She always wanted to be an Aunt.

She tried to hide her giggles when it became harder for him to stand up on his own. Often looking like an injured bird flapping helplessly.

He said it was becoming harder to go to the forest to relieve himself. At first she didn't understand until she realized what he meant then she laughed long and loud. He was having a hard time finding his penis to pee with. He couldn't SEE it!

His pregnancy was indeed taking only half the time as that of a normal female human. She was surprised when Hera started to visit every few days to check on him and the baby.

"Is the baby alright?" she asked.

"Oh the baby is fine. So is he. But the time is quickly approaching." She said as she flashed away.

Xena took another look and realized that he had indeed waddled into the last part of pregnancy.

As they approached town they dressed him in a dress and placed a wig on his head. He was told to not talk unless he just had to. The story they told was that Joxer was Xena's sister and Cupid 'her' husband. It worked until...

"Xena?" Hercules asked.

She felt her heart drop. {That is the LAST thing we need.}

He looked at them all closer. "Cupid? What is going on here?"

Iolaus had been eating an apple while he walked up until he caught sight of the very pregnant and very much in drag Joxer. Then he was no longer eating and had proceeded onto choking.

Xena and Hercules reached out at the same time and whapped him on the back. Iolaus ended up on the ground at that point but he was no longer choking.

Again Hercules asked, "What is going on?"

Xena raised an eyebrow. "I don't suppose you would believe that Joxina is my sister and that he is my brother in law?"

"Not a chance."

She shrugged.

"Okay how about...Joxer's pregnant and Cupid is the father and they are married?"

Hercules answered with silence.

She shrugged again, "See the truth is just as hard to believe."

Iolaus had finally picked himself up and answered with "Oh my..."

He approached Joxer and looked at him hard. "Wow"

He reached out and then questioned with his face. Joxer nodded.

He could feel the baby under the dress moving in response to his touch. It kicked his hand.

"Strong little baby." Iolaus smiled in wonder, "How?"

"That's what I would like to know." Hercules agreed.

Joxer raised his hand with a weak smile. "Demi-God."

"What?"

"I'm a Demi-God."

"Demi-God's can get pregnant?" Iolaus asked incredulously.

Hercules suddenly looked worried.

"Some can." Joxer shrugged. "It's not so bad once you stop throwing up."

Hercules didn't look convinced. Iolaus on the other hand looked thrilled. "How does one find out if their local demi-god can bare children?"

Hercules stared at him with his mouth open. "You can't be serious."

Iolaus giggled and bit into his until now abandoned apple. "Maybe I am."

Hercules finally tore his eyes away long enough to question his nephew. "What happened to Psyche?"

"You mean Psycho bitch? We got divorced after I finally decided to move on and not welcome her back after she has her affairs!"

"That's kinda harsh are you sure she was having affairs." Hercules asked thinking back to the girl he had known.

"Trust the God of Love Uncle I know when people are having affairs." He said thinking back to all the times he had to be held back in the beginning as he turned into that monster. Then later when the arrow's affects wore off and he no longer changed because...he didn't care much anymore. His last proof came with the kiss that nearly ruined his relationship with Joxer. The one that showed him he felt nothing for her anymore.

"I'm sorry." Hercules offered.

"No problem on my end, I've moved on. But Psycho wants to hurt the baby and Joxie!"

They told them what had happened.

As they neared her lone temple they could feel the air get heavier. She was expecting them. She was ready for them. They knew she would be.

Cupid finally convinced Joxer to stay away for the final confrontation. To do other wise would endanger the baby.

So he, Gabrielle and the almost human acting Argo stayed close to one of Cupid's temples.

In the temple Psyche appeared to them sitting on her throne.

"So at last you come." She told him flatly.

"I didn't want it to end this way." He told her truthfully. "It still don't have to end this way if you would just leave Joxer and the baby alone."

"And what about our baby? What about Bliss?"

"I will always love and care for Bliss."

"Sorry Cupid we are a package deal."

"Sometimes things aren't meant to be. We were never meant to be." He told her pulling out the chains made by Heph. "Please don't make this any harder than it has to be."

She didn't seem to listen to him and as he took a step forward beams of light exploded all around them. Hercules and Xena took cover behind a stone altar as Iolaus ducked behind a table of food. Cupid covered his eyes but stood his ground.

"Illusions! She isn't even HERE!" He roared. "She's playing Mind tricks on us again."

The other three stood up as Cupid stormed past in a rage. "That mind witch! Fucking with our minds again!"

Meanwhile...

Joxer sat down on the nearby throne stroking his stomach. He had been having a tight cramping feeling all day and the stroking seemed to relieve it somewhat.

"I think I'm way too nervous." Joxer commented. "I'm so tense I can't seem to relax."

"It will be over soon." Gabrielle said as she stroked Argo's sleek fur.

"Yep it sure will" A feminine voice agreed.

Joxer froze. "Psyche?"

"Got it in one. I'm impressed. Pretty good for an idiot." She came into view close by.

Gabrielle jumped up her staff in hand. Psyche sent her backward with a flick of her wrist.

"You know I so love being a God. It is so much easier to get rid of petty annoyances. Or at least it usually is. You on the other hand seem to just hang around you are more of a pest." She came further forward.

Argo sniffed Gabrielle to make sure that she was okay before he reared up and tried to attack the goddess with his front hooves. She looked surprised and he almost got her but at the last second she sent the horse spiraling backwards also. It was with a sickening crack that he landed and Joxer knew that the horse's back had broke. Gabrielle awoke and screamed a heart-wrenching scream.

"Now you my little pest and though he don't know it now he will be mine again once you are gone."

"If-if I die he dies too! We are bonded together." Joxer took a step backwards.

"Well then, I suppose that if I can't have him no one can." She smiled. "Works for me."

The pains that he felt were getting worse.

She smiled and gestured toward him. In his mind he saw her with Cupid. Making love loudly. Cupid entering her over and over again both of them groaning in pleasure.

For a few seconds he felt sick at heart but then a small imperceptible voice told him. "Daddy not here." It was in his mind not aloud.

"You bitch you are trying to mind fuck me." He screamed in anger and with all of his own concentration he ignored her images and sent his own.

A Daymare of her worst imaginings. She screamed. "BLISS NO!"

And sank to the floor in mental pain of her own.

"You ain't the only mind fucker around here bitch." He told her savagely. His own anger at her entering his mind nearly caused him to fly into such a rage he could have killed her, but before he could move a pain of such intensity caused him to double over.

"Gabby help." He gasped.

Gabrielle couldn't hear him. Her grief over the horse was more than she could deal with. She held the dying horse close and cried into his mane.

He turned to her and reached his hand out. "Gabby please" but the words were swallowed by pain.

As he turned back Psyche pushed him backwards. Her own tears of pain flowing down her face. "You bastard! YOU BASTARD! How could you show me Bliss dying?"

She reached for his stomach but as her hand came in contact...

She was thrown backwards and screamed. Her hand was burnt. Joxer felt warmth and realized that it was the amulet that Ivan had given him. The amulet to protect the baby.

Joxer gasped and offered a prayer of thanks to whatever gods and spirits worked through the amulet. For any amulet, gods or spirits that protected children couldn't be too bad.

She howled in pain as he rushed past her into the street.

He doubled over a couple of times before collapsing in front of an inn.

He was surprised to hear a familiar voice.

"Hey Man? Whatchu doin here Man?" The long haired man asked.

The man that had yelled at the messenger, "Sal's not here man" a couple of months back.

The Roman lifted Joxer up by the underarms.

"Hey man you gotta watch the local brew. It is wicked man. Hey Cheechicus! I need some help man!" Chongicus called.

"Not drunk." Joxer gasped out.

"Dude you need to lay off the food. You ain't light man." Cheechicus laughed as he helped haul Joxer into the inn.

"Not fat." Joxer told him in between contractions.

"Yeah? And I'm not high!" Chongicus laughed uproariously.

"High? What is that?" Joxer asked then quickly forgot the question as another contraction hit him.

He was relieved when they finally got him into one of the beds.

Cupid stormed in as Psyche rolled on the floor still clutching her hand. It had been a while since she had felt any pain and she didn't deal with pain very well in the best of circumstances.

He clapped the metal cuffs on her and yelled for Hera.

Hera and Zeus both arrived.

Hera smiled, "You kept your side perfectly."

As Joxer's hard labor hit in earnest Cupid felt the pain through the bond.

Hera looked excited. "He's in labor! We MUST find him."

Hera and Cupid flashed out into the main street looking from side to side.

Meanwhile Xena went to her friend. Gabrielle weeped pitifully. Argo had died minutes before in her arms.

"Zeus?" Xena asked tentatively.

"No child." He said kindly. "I can not give back a life taken by another god. I'm sorry, truly sorry."

Gabrielle lay across the slain horse holding on for dear life.

"I'm sorry Gabby." Xena told her truthfully.

Gabrielle didn't answer lost in her all encompassing grief.

The Queen of the Gods and the Joxer's husband strode down the street searching for him. Cupid concentrated on the link and had come close but the pain was making it difficult to concentrate.

Finally a Roman man with a mustache came out of the inn looking very disturbed. When he saw the winged god he stopped.

"HEY MAN!" he yelled. "ARE YOU CUPID MAN?"

"Yes" Cupid rushed up followed closely by the Queen of Gods.

"Dude am I glad to see you! We got some weird shit happening in our room! A Dude is about to have a baby we think!" Cheechicus looked totally shook.

They followed him in time to see Joxer grunting and trying not to push.

"Help" he gasped suddenly.

Cupid rushed to his side and took his hand.

Hera calmly walked to his side. "Of course dear heart."

She flashed his shirt away. "Let's see? The pouch should have developed in the last few hours. Yes there it is."

On the underside of his stomach a narrow slit had appeared. She reached up in side and he felt the odd sensation of her hand INSIDE him. He felt her fingers probe and they themselves hurt. Which he let her know.

"I'm sorry dear I must see how far the pouch has opened for you. Good news it is completely ready."

He was completely confused.

"Cupid take his hand and help him concentrate. Take a deep breath and hold it and push..."

She counted to ten and told him to take another breath and hold it and push while she counted to ten again.

"You are doing real good Joxer!" she smiled and told him.

Joxer gritted his teeth and ground out. "I figured Gods could make it not hurt!"

"Oh dear I'm sorry but every birth needs a little pain. It is the only way. Even for gods!" She smiled. "Now shhh and take a breath, hold, PUSH"

It took awhile but eventually he could feel the head come out and he breathed a sigh of relief when it stopped hurting as much. "Almost done one more push for the shoulders!"

And it was over. The after birth wasn't even felt as it came out.

She cleaned the child with a thought.

"Congratulations dears...It is a little girl." She smiled.

She was for the most part unhappy and bitter but when it came to her 'job' she took great joy in doing it.

She handed the child to Joxer wrapped in a soft blanket.

"She's so beautiful!" He breathed.

Hera smiled gently. "Any names gentlemen?"

"Um we've been so busy..." Cupid hedged.

Joxer looked down at his daughter who blinked tiredly up at him.

"She has such beautiful eyes! Like little Blue Crystals!" Joxer smiled.

Cupid looked closer as well. "Crystal Blue eyes. Beautiful!"

Joxer nodded. "May we name her Crystal, Cupid?"

"I think it would be a PERFECT name!" Cupid told him.

"Welcome to the family Crystal!"

Meanwhile Chongicus and Cheechicus had passed out in the corner unable to watch the entire event. Later they considered it all a shared hallucination and went on with their lives.

In Cupid's temple a heart remained broken.

"Child I'm sorry for your loss." Zeus said reaching out. He never could stand to watch a pretty girl cry.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he finally asked. "Other than bringing him back which I can't do."

She looked up finally after a few minutes and with determination asked him for the one thing that was left to her. The only thing that she could ask for.

When they all met back up a sad faced Hercules, Iolaus and Xena waited. They smiled kindly on the child and fell in love with her. But Gabrielle was not in sight.

Finally Joxer spied a golden mare standing in the corner.

"Where did you get her? She is a fine horse! I bet she will be just as good as Argo." Joxer tried to make her feel better.

"Joxer. That's Gabrielle. She asked Zeus to turn her into a horse." Xena's voice broke then she smiled sadly. "But the good news is that she is with a foal! Zeus gave her Argo's child."

Joxer was shocked while the infant looked on with quiet intelligence.

"Well since they could never be together in life..." Joxer started out uncertainly.

"Yes, at least she will have a piece of him. Still such a terrible thing."

The sad eyed mare walked slowly to Xena and nudged her with her nose. "I know Gabby. You will always morn Argo's death."

The horse gave a shaky sigh.

As Xena led the pregnant mare out of the temple accompanied by Hercules and Iolaus who wished them all the best, new life burst upon the scene...

"DADDY, daddy, daddy, daddy! Grandma Dite said I can live just with you now!"

The child named Bliss ran and then flew around and around them.

Until he saw the baby in Joxer's arms. "Wow cool baby!"

"Your sister Bliss!" Cupid told him.

"COOL!"

He studied her carefully and then with great joy, wonder and amazement he shouted out. "I can hear her talk in my HEAD!"

Cupid and Joxer smiled.

Hera also smiled. "Tonight we have a banquet in all three of your honors!"

"A brand new goddess to be presented." Zeus clapped his hands in merriment.

"Joxer you must be famished! Would you like a little snack before dinner later?" She smiled brightly.

"I-I am a little hungry." Joxer admitted.

"Please have this! It is ever so good!" She handed him some sort of toast with jelly on it.

He bit into it. "Wow this is really really good!"

He ate every bite.

Hera smiled. "Yes it is. In fact it is often called the food of the Gods."

She giggled.

Cupid was overcome with emotion as he out of impulse hugged his grandmother.

"Thank you!"

Joxer looked from one to the other as they laughed and cried.

Cupid swept him up in his arms. "You will be by my side forever. As an equal."

And in all the excitement a new baby slept peacefully.

~fin~