Updated Part

Title: Seeking Balance
Author: Scribe
Fandom: Xena: Warrior Princes/Hercules, the Legendery Journies
Pairing: Eventually Ares and Joxer
Rating: NC17
Summary:
Archive: Yes, but tell me where.
Feedback: poet77665@y...
Status: WIP
Sequel/Series: No, but sort of an offshoot of the Love and Mischief Series.
Disclaimer: I did not create the characters here, I don't own them. I derive no profit from this effort. I mean nothing but respect for the creators, owners, and the actors and actresses who portray them.
Websites: http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/scribescribbles and http://www.angelfire.com/grrl/foxluver
Warnings:
Notes: I love writing Cupid/Strife. I do a lot of it. I've only done Ares/Joxer as peripheral to the Love and Mischief Series, and one song fic. I feel like I'm neglecting the boys, and thought that since I had made it clear in Cupid's Little Helper and Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit that Ares and Joxer were a couple, and had a child, that it would be only logical to tell THEIR story, too. So here goes.
Further Notes: This story begins before the events of Cupid's Little Helper, and will most likely cover some of that ground from a different perspective. F'rinstance, what was it like when Cupid gave Ares a glimpse of the agony that Strife had gone through? We'll see.

Seeking Balance, 1/?
Unexpected Savior

*Trust my brother to be able to find a hydra, even in this wilderness,* thought Ares. *And now he has to go and try to kill it. Damn, what is his problem? Sure, it's eaten a few sheep and cattle, but its a PREDATOR, damn it. If those idiot shepherds hadn't decided to start pasturing their livestock in this mountain meadow, it would have gone on feeding on rabbits and moles. If you go ahead and present it with creatures that are bigger, tastier, and easier to catch than its natural prey, of COURSE it's going to go for them. And it wouldn't have eaten that shepherd if he'd had enough sense to run away instead of trying to get that lamb back.*

The meadow was a good way up a mountainside. *Grazing must be getting scanty in the surrounding valleys and flatlands. I'll have to have a talk with Demeter. Maybe I ought to have a small war in the area--thin the population out a little.* Ares settled back against the cliffside behind him. This particular meadow was almost enclosed by cliffs. It was sheltered from harsh winds, but it still caught a lot of sun. Thus the grass was lush--that was what had attracted the shepherds. Unfortunately the thick grass, providing an abundance of seeds, and the berry bushes that ran around the sides of the meadow, also attracted a lot of small game--the natural prey of the hydra. With a warm, dry, good-sized cave for shelter, it was inevitable that a predator would move in. It was just bad luck for the shepherds that this particular predator was big, scaly, toothy, and had three heads, and a bad attitude.

Ares, invisible, was sitting on a rock that projected above the entrance to the hydra's cavern. It wasn't all that high up, no more than eight or nine feet, but he figured he'd be out of the way, and still have a good view of the battle. Hercules had just arrived at the meadow, followed by a knot of mortals. *Fools,* thought Ares. *He MIGHT be killed, you idiots, and if he is that damn tri-headed snake will be burping for a month after gorging on you.* Then he took a closer look at the mortals, and sighed.

*I might have known. It's the entire Freaky Foursome, with that idiotic tagalong in the junk armor. I can understand Hercules asking Xena along, but what possessed him to bring the others? Iolaus might do a little damage with his arrows if he hangs back, but Gabrielle's staff won't be worth shit... unless the hydra uses it as a toothpick after he eats her.* Ares had to stop a second and smile at this mental image. *And that other one... What's his name? He's always praying to me to be a better warrior. Tartarus, that's a laudable ambition, but you have to have SOMETHING to work with. Anyway, the only use I can think of for him in this sort of battle would be if Hercules used him as bait, and that's way too practical for Baby Brother.*

The five stopped at the edge of the meadow, across from the cave entrance, and huddled. Ares noticed that Joxer was on the outside, as the other four put their heads together. He moved around them, looking for a space to wedge in, but every time he approached, someone would shift, closing him out. He hopped a few times, armor clanking, trying to look into the huddle, and Ares shook his head. The image of the lanky figure, draped in castoff armor, standing on tiptoe in an effort to be included, gave him an odd, fleeting feeling. It came and went so quickly that he couldn't identify it. *Of course they're shutting him out. He's more likely to get them killed than help them win, and he's even MORE likely to get HIMSELF killed. They'll tell him to hang back.*

The knot of plotters loosened. "It's agreed then. Xena and I will flank the entrance. Iolaus, you'll fire a few arrows into the cave to lure it out. Gabby, you get those things around their necks." The bard had opened a sack and withdrawn a pair of curious looking weapons. Each consisted of two balls--one at each end of a section of rope. Ares recognized the form, but usually the balls were studded with spikes. *Shit. Is she such a peace monger that she doesn't want to cause excess pain to what she sees as a man-eating monster?*

"Xena, I know how effective that chakram is, but remember--if you cut off one head, two will grow in its place."

Xena, quite rightly in Ares' opinion, scowled at Hercules. "You don't have to spoon feed me, Hercules. I've known that since before I picked up my first training sword."

*You tell him, Xena. I don't much mind if it eats the others, but I suppose I'll have to save you, if things get hairy. Wouldn't look right to let one of my own kids get eaten--not if I could prevent it.*

"What about me?" The other four heroes looked at Joxer. "I know! I go right in, make a frontal attack! While it's concentrating on me, Herc and Xena come in from the side, and we finish it off."

Hercules put a hand on Joxer's shoulder, and Ares saw the slender man's knees bend slightly from the pressure. "No, Joxer. We need you to do something very important." Joxer's expression brightened with pleasure. It fell as Hercules said, "We need you to stay back here and make sure that none of the shepherds come into harm's way."

"Oh." His disappointment was evident in that one syllable. Joxer cleared his throat and said, "And if it gets past you, I'll be here to take care of it before it can escape."

"Um, right."

They positioned themselves. Iolaus and Gabrielle went almost to the center of the meadow while Hercules and Xena walked along the perimeter till the were on either side of the cave's entrance, close against the side of the cliff. Hercules drew on a pair of thick gloves. *Hm,* thought Ares. *He's had those bound with wire. If he has to tangle with the hydra, the jagged scales won't cut him. Damn, if he keeps this up I may have to admit he isn't a total fool.* Xena took her chakram off her belt, flexing her arms like a javelin thrower, warming up. Gabrielle had one of the bolos dangling from each hand, swinging slowly back and forth. Iolaus checked an arrow, then notched it in his bow. Joxer drew a sword that would have been melted down as scrap by any self-respecting weapon maker.

Hercules gave a nod, and Iolaus let the first arrow fly. There was a questioning grunt from inside the cave, but nothing more. After a moment he shot another arrow into the darkness. This one elicited a grating snarl, and he quickly sent two more after the others.

It worked. There was a roar, and the hydra squeezed out of the cave. Ares heard Xena swearing, and he had to chuckle. From the size of the cave entrance, they'd been expecting a much smaller monster--something along the size of an ox. They hadn't taken into account how, um, COMPRESSIBLE the beasts were. They could squeeze through openings that looked far too small to let them pass. This one was... Ares cocked his head as the creature finished exiting its lair and reared up. He couldn't think of any other land animal that was comparable in size. Maybe one of Poseidon's smaller whales. A head rose up before him, halting six feet over his head. *That isn't counting the neck length, of course.*

The hydra had fixated on Iolaus. All three heads hissed, and its bulky body began to slither toward the Golden Hunter. Gabrielle let the first bolo fly. Ares smirked when it hit the beast in the chest instead of wrapping around a neck or head. It must have hurt, though, because the hissing increased in volume. The hydra increased its speed as Gabrielle snatched up another bolo, and Iolaus loosed another arrow. The arrow struck the creature's chest also, and bounced off. *Damn, I thought Iolaus knew better. He's not going to stick the thing like that--not unless his arrowheads are made of Hephastian metal. The farther you go up the necks, the thinner the scales get. Aim higher, Blondie.*

Xena was on the hydra's left. She screamed her battle cry and charged, chakram cocked. Ares sighed as the hydra's left head whipped around, zeroing in on her. Ares sighed. *The yell may work well in ambush when you're dealing with bandits, Xena, but this time it was a warning instead of a shock.*

Hercules, to Ares' eternal surprise, was sensible enough to be silent as he made his own charge. He leaped, and grabbed. He managed to get a handhold in the thick scales, and began to climb up the creature's side, toward its shoulder. If he got on its back, the right head would have enough room to twist back and snap at him, but that close... It would be like a human trying to bit himself on the back of the neck. It didn't stop the left head from trying, though. Only some acrobatic swinging kept the hero from losing a leg.

Xena threw her chakram, and it thunked into the right neck, sinking deep. Hercules saw this and yelled, "Xena! No decapitation!"

She'd drawn her sword. "Shut up! I'm wearing it down."

Ares nodded. *Yes, it's losing blood now. Another couple of dozen wounds like that might actually slow it down.*

Iolaus managed to put an arrow through the neck of the center head, high up. The beast threw its head, spattering his blood in a bright crimson arc. A spray landed across one of Xena's gauntlets and immediately began to eat through the tough leather and metal. Xena stopped her charge and jerked frantically at the lacings that held the arm guard on, trying to get it off before the poisonous acid could reach her skin. The sight of her lover in peril must have distracted Gabrielle. Hercules had hauled himself up on the hydra's shoulder. He'd just buried his sword in the skull of the weaving right head when the bolo wrapped around his throat, knocking him to the ground. He had to swiftly roll to the side to avoid being crushed as the hydra shifted its massive body.

The hydra whipped all its heads again, and Xena's chakram, slick with hydra blood, came loose, dropping into the thick grass. Xena dived for it, and jerked her hands back with a shriek when her fingertips hit the blood. She frantically wiped her hands on the grass, quickly enough to avoid any real damage--she'd just have some blisters. She ripped off her short leather skirt and used it to wipe the chakram clean. The leather was smoking and crumbling by the time she tossed it down and grabbed her weapon again. She finished just in time to back peddle quickly. The teeth of the wounded left head snapped shut inches from her belly as she tripped and fell.

The head that Hercules had skewered hung limp and dead, but the other two were wounded--and more dangerous than ever. The center head had twisted to look at the still struggling, slowly choking Hercules. It both heads had worked together, Ares had no doubt that they would have made short work of the heroes. But the center head strained toward Hercules, and the left strained toward Xena. First one side would gain a foot, then the opposite would drag it back. *It's going to split itself down the middle, like a fucking wishbone,* thought Ares in disgust. *Who's in charge of Unnatural Beasts, anyway? I'll have to have a talk with them, because if all hydras are this stupid, they'll be extinct in no time.*

Gabrielle snatched up her staff and ran across the meadow, swishing over her head, as she called out to Xena. Xena, crawling backward like a crab, tilted her head back and saw, upside down, what Gabrielle was doing. "No, Gabby! Stay back!"

Gabrielle listened about as well as she usually did. She kept coming. She bonked the left head squarely on the nose. The left head jerked back with a surprised grumble, then it gave a great, honking cry. *Way to go, bitch. Now you've made it PERSONAL. I hope it eats your ass.*

It didn't get the chance. Xena threw the chakram, and this time it caught the left head right between the eyes, sinking deep. The head swung in a death spasm, and slammed into Gabrielle. It knocked her flying. She landed several yards away, and immediately started ripping at her clothes, screaming. Xena crawled over to her and began ripping at her companion's clothes, stripping away the fuming fabric.

Hercules was wheezing and turning blue, plucking at the cords that were cutting into his throat. Iolaus threw down his bow and ran to help him, drawing a hunting knife. He knelt beside his gasping lover, saying, "Hold still, Herc. I have to cut these away, and I can't afford to slip."

There was so much going on at once that Ares didn't know where to look first. He leaned over the edge, peering this way and that...

And the ledge crumbled.

Ares fell, thumping down on the back of the hydra. The beast's body rippled spasmodically, pitching the god over the remaining head. Ares hit the ground hard--hard enough to stun him. His breath whooshed out, and he became visible--too dazed to stay hidden. No one noticed except the hydra--and Joxer.

Joxer had been bouncing with excitement and... and... *No, not fear. I'm a warrior, and I'm not afraid. I'm APPREHENSIVE. That's only normal, right? I mean, my friends are going up against a big ass, pointy-toothed, multi-headed people eater, and that's enough to give ANYONE pause, but they're doing pretty good, except for Gabby sort of strangling Herc, but Iolaus is taking care of that and...* He blinked as the dark haired man in leather suddenly appeared on the ground before the wounded hydra. The man sat up, putting a hand to his head. Joxer recognized Ares, his god, and the center head of the hydra was drawing back, ready to strike at him.

He didn't pause. He didn't think. He charged.

Xena had stripped Gabrielle completely, much to the bard's combined relief and mortification. Iolaus had sliced Hercules free of the choking bolo and was helping his dazed friend to his feet, ready to drag him to safety. They all looked up at the yell. What they saw astonished them into immobility.

Joxer was running across the green, flower-spangled expanse of the meadow. It would have looked like a cliche about serenity if not for two things: the grass was charred in large blotches, and Joxer, with a frightened, but fiercely determined look in his eyes, had his sword drawn.

"Joxer!" Hercules croaked. The other three had more volume. They screamed at their friend. "Go back!" "No!" "What the hell are you...?"

The head darted down. Joxer smashed into Ares, knocking him flying in a move that was classic Joxer. The hydra missed biting his intended prey in half, but one huge fang gouged Joxer's right thigh, opening a deep wound that immediately began to pump blood. Even as he screamed, Joxer hacked at the hydra. He landed only a glancing blow, but it sliced through one of the creature's eyes. The hydra jerked its head back, roaring in agony as the slender man crumpled to the ground.

Iolaus was cursing himself as he ran back to the other side of the meadow in search of his bow. Gabrielle screamed again and again as Xena tried to find her sword, which had disappeared into the long grass when she dropped it. Hercules leaped at the hydra and tried to jerk his sword out of the right head's skull, but it was trapped in the bone. The center head drew back once again, preparing to snap the head off the pitiful creature that had dared to hurt him.

Ares sat up again, shaking his head to clear it. *What the fuck?* He heard the screaming, the horrible hissing and roaring, and most of the fog cleared away. The sight before him was both horrible, and ridiculous. Joxer's 'helmet' had slipped down over his eyes, covering half his face. That was enough for a laugh. But there was a gaping wound in his thigh. It couldn't have happened more than a few seconds before, but the grass was already being soaked with his blood. The hydra... *Shit. I should be dead now. How...?*

The hydra whipped his head again, and blood flew, sending the four heroes scrambling out of the way. A thin stream hit Joxer, falling across his helmet. A drop ran off the edge, etching its way down the human's cheek, and Joxer screamed again. Ares had heard men scream before, in pain, grief, and death. For some reason this made his gut clench. Then the hydra's head was diving down, and Joxer was going to die. He had to die. No one was close enough to prevent it. Even Ares couldn't think and move quickly enough to get him to safety--if he so chose.

Joxer saw the head descending toward him, moving like a lightening strike. He still had his sword in both hands. Acting on instinct he thrust up and forward. The hydra had its mouth open, gaping to take a huge bite of soft, living flesh. The battered, nicked sword slid between razor sharp teeth, plunged through the soft palate, and sank deep into the creature's brain. It was dead before it thumped to the ground. There was a moment of shocked silence, then shouts, and frantic activity. Joxer lay half under the thick neck of the center head, and it took a moment for his friends to pull him free.

"Oh, gods, oh gods!" wailed Gabrielle, jerking off his helmet. She laughed hysterically. "This stupid helmet was finally good for something! It protected his face from the worst of the blood. He'll have a scar..."

"That's the least of his worries," snapped Xena. "Someone give me a strap. We have to tie off his leg before he bleeds to death."

Iolaus began to tug at his waist. "Use my belt."

"Is he all right?" Joxer's voice was faint.

"Joxer, don't try to talk," ordered Xena. "Save your strength."

"Hercules is fine," said Gabrielle.

"That's nice, but I meant..." Joxer trailed off, his eyes fluttering shut.

"He means me."

Hercules, Iolaus, and Gabrielle looked around in surprise. Things had happened so quickly. Their view had been blocked by the hydra, and they hadn't seen Joxer knock Ares sprawling. They had just assumed that Joxer was being his usual impulsive, reckless self. Suddenly things made sense--Joxer had sacrificed himself to save Ares.

Gabrielle shouted, "You've killed Joxer, you bastard!"

"He isn't dead yet."

"He could be soon," said Iolaus sadly. "He's losing an awful lot of blood, Xena."

"I can't get it to stop," she growled. Her hands were slick with Joxer's blood. "And I'm worried about that hydra's blood."

"It's only a drop," said Ares.

Xena glanced at him angrily. "Damn it, Ares, you know that shit is dangerous, even for a god, and he's a mortal. One drop could be enough, especially as weak as he is now."

"He died saving you, Ares," accused Hercules, stalking toward Ares. "Here's another life you've destroyed."

"You're not blaming this one on me," Ares snarled. He shoved Hercules aside and went to Xena. "Hand him over."

Gabrielle pushed between them, oddly unconscious of her nudity as she confronted the God of War. "Just let him die in peace!"

"HE ISN'T DEAD YET!" Ares roared. When the God of War took that tone of voice--everyone except the godly, the stupid, and the suicidal moved. Gabrielle was none of those, and she shifted out of the way quickly. Ares glared down at Xena, who was glowering at him defiantly. "Give me my follower."

Xena studied him. Her voice low, she said, "Why?"

Ares hesitated. *Why? I don't owe her a reason. Because I want him. Because he's mine.* "Because he'll die if you don't."

Xena nodded, and sat back. Ares lifted the limp, blood smeared body into his arms. Joxer's head rolled back loosely, dark hair falling across his forehead, a livid red streak on one pale cheek. Ares could sense the life force inside him, but it was weakening. He'd have to move quickly.

There was a flash of red. As the sparks faded, the remaining humans looked at each other. Gabrielle said, "Xena, why did you let him take Joxer?"

Xena shrugged. "We couldn't save him. Maybe Ares can."

"Do you really think that Ares will put himself out to save Joxer? I don't think he's even noticed him before, except to be annoyed. He probably just wanted to play with him for a while. We could have at least made his last moments peaceful, and comfortable."

Xena looked toward the sky. "I'm hoping that Ares can keep Joxer's last moments a long time in the future."

Part Two
Maximum Effort

Ares appeared in the main room of Apollo's Olympian temple, bellowing even before the red sparks of his arrival faded. "'Pol! 'Pol, I need you--NOW!"

The priest on duty was used to the abrupt comings and goings of the Pantheon, and he didn't waste a second being startled. The War God's reason for coming to the Temple of Healing was obvious--a pale, blood soaked figure dangled limply in Ares' arms. The priest reached out. "Lord Ares, let me take..."

"Stand back!" Ares snarled, unconsciously cradling the unconscious man closer. "Go get your master, and hurry, or you'll be the next to need his aid." The priest hurried away into the recesses of the temple. "And get Asclepius, if he's here." He lowered Joxer onto Apollo's altar, mentally cursing the lack of a bed or sofa. "We're going to need all the help we can get."

Ares examined Joxer, noting that the flow of blood from his wound had slowed. This worried him, rather than reassuring him. It could very well mean that there simply wasn't that much blood left in the mortal's body. The strap Xena had bound around Joxer's leg, high up on his thigh, was already so tight that it had almost disappeared into the pale flesh, and Ares knew that leaving a tourniquet on too long was almost as dangerous as allowing the bleeding to go unchecked- -at least in the long run. There was a chance of gangrene later. *But there's no point in worrying about that unless he SURVIVES.*

Blood didn't bother Ares, unless it was his own, or that of a loved one. He jammed his hand firmly against the wound. It must have hurt, because Joxer regained consciousness with a gasp. He tried to sit up, but Ares put his free hand in the middle of Joxer's chest and held him down. It wasn't hard. Joxer had never been exactly robust, and the loss of blood had weakened him terribly. "Lie still, mortal," snapped Ares. "You've gotten yourself into a bad state, and if you want a chance to live, you'll have to do exactly as you're told."

"Yes, lord Ares," he whispered.

"Shut up, fool. You need to conserve your strength."

"Yes, lord..."

"Shut UP!" Ares could feel the blood trying to escape as a flutter against his palm. "'POL!" he roared.

"I'm here, I'm here. No need to scream." The Sun God, tall and golden came into the room, the priest scurrying behind to keep up with his long strides. "My priest tells me that you're disrupting the serenity of my temple on behalf of a human? Who is it? Priest? Warlord? Current bed warmer?" He caught sight of the wounded man, and blinked. "Isn't that Aphrodite's pet?"

"How should I know? He's in a bad way. Help him."

"How can I turn down such a gracious request?"

"Where's Ace?"

"There's a nasty run of pox in a village near Pallas that could turn into a plague if it isn't nipped in the bud. Zeus, will you LOOK at the state of my altar cloth? I'll expect you to replace..."

"'Pol, do something before he becomes Hades' problem instead of mine."

"Impatient. How bad is that wound you're covering up?"

"Bad. It's deep, and ragged. And," he nodded at the red streak on the silent, frightened mortal's cheek, "he got hit by a drop of hydra's blood."

"Oo, nasty." Apollo looked at the priest. "Leave that and go back to the storeroom. I'll need the white jar on the third shelf from the top, right wall. The one with the jade lid. And bring the vial of red liquid next to it." The priest deposited an armload of objects at the foot of the altar, bowed, and left. "I'm going to assume from the way you're leaning on him that he's still bleeding."

"It's slowed, but it hasn't stopped."

Apollo opened a wooden box and lifted out what looked like a gray, tangled mass of hair-fine vines, vines with leaves no bigger than an infant's fingernail. "I'm going to have you remove you hand, and I'm going to press this to the wound. Be ready to hand me more when I ask for it. Are you ready?" Ares nodded curtly. "Now."

Ares jerked his hand away. There was a short, emphatic squirt of blood, but then Apollo slapped the wad of material down. He didn't have enough of the stuff to completely block the flow, and some oozed out around the fast darkening clot. Apollo pushed, jamming the stuff INTO the wound. Joxer passed out again. Ares growled, "Did you have to be so rough?"

Apollo gave him a surprised look. "If you want him to live, yes. Hand me some more." Ares passed over another handful. Apollo packed it down into the open gash, holding it in place. "Besides, if he's unconscious, he won't be feeling the pain. I can't give him anything to dull the agony right now--he's lost so much blood that he might not survive it." The gray mass was dark and wet around the edges, but the center remained dry. "It looks like this is working. If it stays dry for another minute or two, we have a chance."

They both watched the wound silently. Apollo said, "Yes, this is Aphrodite's favorite. What's his name?"

"Joxer."

"Ah, yes. Say, he's brother to Jett, the assassin, isn't he?"

"I believe so."

"You believe? I thought he was one of your favored followers."

"I don't bother to research the genealogy of all my followers. The stuff seems to be working."

"Yes, it does. Remarkable stuff, this. It's seaweed. I have an agreement with Poseidon to keep me supplied. He brings it to me, I make sure his favorite reef gets plenty of sun, so his mermaids can bask. Get that bottle of spirits. The seaweed is very, very clean, but there's no use in taking chances. Mortals are such fragile things." Ares uncorked the bottle and offered it to Apollo. "No, I need to keep pressure on this. Just pour it over and around my hand-- it will soak in."

"Will it hurt him?"

"Zeus, Ares, it will be alcohol on raw flesh--what do you think? But as I said before, he's unconscious, so I doubt he'll feel it. Pour!" Ares did as instructed. "Since when are you so solicitous of a mortal's pain? This is working well. I need one more handful, then hand me a couple of those pads."

As Ares did so, the priest returned, setting the requested items with the other supplies. Apollo didn't look up. "Is there a private room prepared?"

"Of course, my lord."

"Good. Prepare the binding cloths." Apollo pressed a thick, clean pad of cloth over the seaweed. "Ares, lift his leg so that I can get the bandage around it. Whatever you do, don't squeeze or let it drop, or it might reopen."

Ares hooked his arms around Joxer's knee and lifted carefully. Apollo took the cloth strips from his priest and quickly and neatly bound the wound, wrapping it in several layers, completely covering the pad. "Let it down carefully. Now I need to tend to burn. I just hope none of it got into his blood. That could be very, very nasty."

"Shouldn't we get him to a room first?"

"Who's the God of Healing here? I need to take care of this NOW. If it gets into his blood... Well, let's just say that he'd wish he'd had a nice, peaceful death by blood loss."

Ares watched as Apollo opened the jar and, first wrapping his finger in a strip of leather, scooped up an oily, gray ointment. He smeared it over the red weal, saying, "We'll do this several times a day--if he lives. He'll have a scar, though. Even a god would scar from a contact with hydra blood." He picked up the little vial, uncorking it, and hesitated. "Damn, I suppose I'll have to wake him up to give him this. No point in having him choke to death when I've gone through all this trouble."

"Wait," said Ares. He slid an arm under Joxer's back, lifting his upper body carefully. Joxer slumped against him, his head dropping back on Ares' shoulder. "Give me that, and tip his head up." Apollo handed the vial over, then put his fingers under Joxer's chin, tilting his head back. "How much?"

"All of it." Ares tipped the vial to Joxer's lips, letting the liquid trickle into his mouth. Joxer twitched, making a choking noise. Ares dropped the vial (Apollo had to lunge to catch it), and quickly stroked Joxer's throat, urging him to swallow. The man's throat pulsed, and the medicine went down. "If the poison did get into his system, hopefully that will counteract it?"

Ares scowled at him. "What do you mean, 'hopefully'?"

Apollo angrily tossed the vial to the floor. "Tartarus! He's MORTAL, Ares! I've never used this on a mortal before, so I can't be sure exactly what will happen. I've done everything I could, my altar cloth is ruined, I have stains on my best robe, I'll have to scrub my hands raw to get the gore out from under my nails, and you're giving me fucking ATTITUDE!" He glared at the priest. "Take him to the room. I'll check him later."

When the priest reached for the unconscious man Ares shoved him away and lifted Joxer into his arms. "Just show me where to take him." The priest bowed, and Ares snapped, "Move, before you find a fireball up your ass!" The priest scurried away, and Ares followed.

Apollo stared after him, lips pursed thoughtfully. *Well, well, well. Ares, God of War, acting like a mortal's personal body slave. I think I'm going to be watching Joxer's progress with a great deal of interest.*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Ares waited for the priest to turn back the sheet on the bed, then lowered Joxer. "He needs to be bathed."

"Yes, my lord. I will send a servant immediately." The priest bustled out.

Ares started to leave, thinking that he'd wasted enough of his day. *Where should I go? There's that border trouble. The pot's about to boil there, and it wouldn't take much to raise the heat a little.* He thought of where he wanted to go, and prepared to transport.

His eyes fell on the still figure in the bed, and he paused. He lifted his voice. "STRIFE!"

There was a sizzle of energy. The Mischief God appeared before him in a burst of blue sparks. "You bellowed?"

"I need you to go tip those two warlords we were discussing over into a confrontation."

"Can do." Strife was glancing around the room. When his eyes fell on Joxer, he startled. "Hey! Whathafuck happened to Joxie?"

"Hydra."

"Oo, not good. Is he gonna be all right?"

"Maybe." Ares was a little surprised by the question. To the best of his knowledge, Strife only asked that sort of question when he was hoping for a negative answer. It didn't sound like that, though. "Do you care?"

Strife shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. "I s'pose so. Joxie's done a lotta work fah me." He giggled. "Not intentionally, mind ya. If I hadda dinar fah every time he tripped an' knocked someone sprawlin, usually inta a nice, steamin pile of manure..." He shrugged again. "He ain't bad, fah a mortal. Life would be duller without 'im. Oh, well..." He snapped an ironic salute. "Off ta formant chaos." There was another giggle (a sound that had cause more than one mortal to wet their pants), and Strife disappeared.

It was just as well that he left then, because two servants arrived, carrying jugs of water, a basin, and bathing supplies. Strife tended to make the priests and servants of the other gods and goddesses nervous. The servants bowed, then put down their supplies, and began to unbuckle Joxer's armor. The man moaned quietly, and Ares said, "Stand back." He waved his hands, and Joxer's armor and clothes disappeared. "Get on with it."

The servants, a man and a woman, poured warm water into the basin and began to sponge the drying blood and dirt from Joxer. Ares stood by, arms crossed, watching. *Damn, he's almost as pale as Strife, and almost as thin. Doesn't Xena feed him?*

Ares stepped closer, dark eyes running over Joxer as the servant's continued to wash him. He noticed a number of scars. *Why am I surprised? Strife said he's clumsy. I've seen him go ass over ears often enough. I think he could trip over the pattern in a smooth marble slab. But there ARE a lot of them, and they all seem to be pretty old. They're faded to white, as if they happened a long time ago.* He cocked his head, the better to examine some a couple of dozen lines on his shins. *Those start around back, on his calves. They look like lash scars. I don't recall hearing of him ever being in trouble so serious that he'd be flogged. And even if he had been, they don't do it across the back of the legs.*

*He's thin, but he has some muscle. I never would have known under that claptrap he wears.* His eyes roved over Joxer's body, and halted when they came to his crotch. One eyebrow rose slowly. *Well, I CERTAINLY wouldn't have expected THAT. Not quite in Priapus' class, but then, who is? No wonder Aphrodite is so fond of him. Joxer, it's a good thing that beast didn't gore you a little higher. There'd surely be some disappointed women in the world.*

The servants finished the ablutions, patting Joxer dry carefully, then pulled a sheet up to his shoulders, bowed to Ares, and left. Ares prepared to leave again, thinking that he'd check back tomorrow. After a moment he pulled a chair up close to the bed and sat, eyes fixed on Joxer's face.

*Why did you do it? My followers are supposed to be willing to die for me, but I know that most of them never expect to do it on the personal level that you were courting.* He grimaced. *And you do it by knocking me over, then making a lucky stab--typical. How is it that you managed to run clear across that meadow without stepping in a rat hole, or tripping over a daisy? Have you ever gone that far in that big a hurry without falling?* He crossed his arms, slouching in the chair, not realizing that he'd assumed a posture that said he intended to be there for a while. *Maybe I ought to ask the Fates about it the next time I see them.*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

*Hurts. I sure do hope I'm not dead, 'cause an eternity of feeling like this would be a bitch. I can't think of anything I've done that might deserve that. Unless Ares was pissed when I ran into him? I did that, didn't I? I didn't mean any harm. My intentions were good. Yeah, right, Joxer--and the road to Tartarus is paved with good intentions.*

*Oh, Zeus, I haven't felt anything like this since... since... I don't have anything I can compare it with. Not even that time Father laid the hot poker against the soles of my feet.*

*Maybe I failed, and Ares died, and this is my punishment. Yeah, it feels like something Zeus would cook up. This would be nothing to a guy that can dream up chaining someone to a rock and having an eagle eat his liver every day. Wait a minute--would I need to pee if I was dead? Hm, maybe it's part of the punishment. Maybe I have a really, really bad infection, and it's going to feel like I'm passing hydra blood.* He lay still, eyes closed, for another minute. *I think that in a little while it's going to be a toss up as to what would hurt more--urinating hydra blood, or holding it. I'd better get up. I know what happens when you pee the bed, at least in my case--a beating. I kinda expected it from Father. I mean, why would he react any differently to THAT? I think that mercenary who crawled into my bed in Corinth last year might have restrained himself. He was just as drunk as I was, after all. I'd heard that some women peed on would-be rapists, but I never expected to use that defense myself. Heck, I never would have thought of it, but he SCARED me. I guess I should have known he was up to something, buying me all that ale. I should have known he wasn't interested in my sparkling conversation. DAMN, it hurts. I REALLY have to pee soon.*

He heard a quiet rasping sound nearby. Opening his eyes was an effort, but he managed. The sound came again. His eyes wandered toward it. *Ares? He's alive.* The sound came again, and Joxer saw that Ares' mouth was slightly open. *He's alive--and snoring. He looks younger when he's asleep. Maybe if I'm real quiet I can sneak out without waking him. I have a feeling that waking Ares up unexpectedly isn't too healthy.* Joxer started to pull the sheet down. There was the minute rasp of linen against skin. Ares sat bolt upright. Joxer quickly closed his eyes again.

It didn't work. "What do you think you're doing?"

He tried to speak, but his throat felt raw. *Oh, yeah. I was screaming a lot. And I suppose now I'll be screaming some more.*

"Don't pretend to be unconscious. Your hands are balled up into fists."

Joxer quickly relaxed his fingers. *Hostile posture around the God of War. NOT good.*

"Do you need anything?"

*Whoa, now THERE'S a phrase I never expected to hear from a god. I wonder if it's a trick question?"

"Look, I CAN read you mind if I have to, but it's a pain in the ass, so don't MAKE me. Now, do you need anything?"

Joxer swallowed. "Chamber pot?"

"Oh. Right." Joxer opened his eyes to find Ares standing beside him, holding a glazed clay vessel with a curved neck. Joxer started to reach for it. Ares sounded annoyed when he spoke. "Stop that. If you do it alone, you're going to tear that wound open again. Just stay still."

Ares flicked the sheet down around Joxer's knees. That was when Joxer realized that he was nude. *Oh, geez. If I had enough blood left, I'd blush like a boiled lobster. Boiled... Boiling oil... BAD thought.* Ares had reached down and had his hand around Joxer's cock. *Manual emasculation--even WORSE thought.* He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he wouldn't live too long after his privates were removed. He was, after all, rather fond of them. He felt a cool touch against the underside of his member, and slitted one eye open.

Ares had directed his cock into the mouth of the pot. He glanced at Joxer. "Well? I can't spend all day standing around, holding your dick. Pee if you have to."

"I... um... I don't need to now."

"PEE!" Joxer did--abruptly. When the urine stopped tinkling into the pot, Ares gave Joxer's member a surprisingly restrained shake, then lowered it back to rest against his groin. He walked over to a table and set the jug down. His back turned to the bed, he slowly rubbed his hands together, glancing back at Joxer. "If you need to crap, you'll have to get one of the servants to take care of it. I draw the line there. Do you want anything else before I go?"

"I... I'm a little thirsty."

Ares silently went back to the bed and materialized a goblet. Joxer flinched when Ares reached for him, but stayed still when his god scowled. Ares lifted his torso a little, and held the goblet to his lips, letting him sip.

It was the coolest, sweetest water Joxer had ever tasted. When he'd had a few sips he stopped. "Thank you." Ares offered the goblet again. "No thank you."

"Apollo said he couldn't give you any drugs for the pain, but this should help a little."

*That was good water, but I hardly think it'll dull pain.* Joxer glanced down. The liquid in the goblet was a rich red, and it smelled tart. *What the...? Oh, yeah--divine powers.* Joxer drank the proffered wine gratefully. It DID help a little. He frowned, licking his lips. "I had the weirdest taste in my mouth."

Ares found himself watching the path of that pink tongue, tracing the shape of Joxer's mouth. He made the goblet disappear, and said absently, "That would be the hydra blood antidote. Zeus knows what's in it. If I were you, I wouldn't ask Apollo about it."

"Why would I talk to Apollo?"

"He'll be looking in on you, idiot. This is his temple, and I doubt that he'll leave you to his priests after tending to you personally."

"Ah-Apollo hih-himself?"

"You don't believe me?" Ares sounded ominous.

"No! I mean yes! I mean... Um, I didn't think there WAS a temple near the shepherds' camp."

"There isn't. You're on Olympus." Joxer blinked, then his eyes rolled back in his head, and he fainted.

Ares quickly put his ear against Joxer's chest. His heartbeat was steady. Ares listened a little longer, one hand on Joxer's shoulder, and the other on his flat belly. After a moment he stood, reached down, and drew the sheet up again. He considered sitting back down, then muttered, "I've wasted enough time," and disappeared. A second later he appeared in the temple's kitchen, and wrapped his fist in the tunic of the closest servant. "That mortal I brought here--keep your ears open in case he needs anything." He lifted the trembling man till they were nose-to-nose. "If by some insane chance he was neglected in any way I would be very," he shook the man, "VERY displeased." He dropped the man and transported.

One servant went to get a mop for the puddle that had been made by the servant Ares had selected, and another brought the damp and shaking man a drink.

Part Three
Visitors

Joxer drifted up to consciousness. *Oh-kay. I think I've established that I'm not dead. However, if I really AM on Olympus, and that wasn't just a weird ass dream I had, that status could change at any moment. WAS it a dream? Lessee... Ares held my dick so I could pee. I'd say it might qualify.*

He shifted a little, the pain coming back. *Well, I wish I could have the dream again. It was more pleasant than this, even if it was a little scary. Ares holding my dick... Yep--scary. Interesting, but scary. Okay, so I'm not dead. Maybe I'm just insane? That would explain things. Of course, Gabby has been claiming for months that I must be crazy. She points to Jett and Jayce for supporting evidence. Can't argue with her there, I guess. I suppose none of us are the tightest wrapped parcel under the Winter Solstice tree.*

*I guess I'd better see where I am--probably some field hospital.* His fingers moved on the smooth sheet that covered him. *Or maybe a better class brothel?* He slitted one eye open cautiously, then shut it again quickly. *BRIGHT! Either I have a window and it's broad daylight, or they're burning enough candles or torches to endanger the ceiling.* He tried again, managing to get the eye half open this time. *Oh. Part of it is because the light is reflecting off all that marble.* He rolled his head to the side and got a glimpse of the floor. Both eyes came open in surprise. *Sunbursts? That looks like real gold gilding the tiles. I don't think even Iphecles has that sort of lavish decor in his palace. Maybe Caesar, or someone...* He closed his eyes again with a groan. *Or a god--like Apollo.*

He heard footsteps, and considered whipping the sheet over his head, then decided that might draw too much attention. Besides, the pain was increasing steadily, and he wasn't sure he could accomplish the move. The steps came closer, till whoever-it-was was standing beside the bed. A large, warm palm was laid across his forehead. A deep, masculine voice said, "You don't seem to have any fever. That's a good sign." Joxer did his impression of a corpse. "Oh, stop it! I can tell that you're faking it, you know."

Joxer sighed, and opened his eyes. "I don't know why I bother."

"Ah, and capable of coherent communication."

"It's my brother Jayce who's the actor in the family, but I thought I'd gotten pretty good at acting unconscious, because I needed to when I was a kid, but when I got older usually just running away was more effective."

Apollo blinked down at the babbling man. "Perhaps semi-coherent." Apollo snapped his fingers, and a servant brought in a tray of supplies. "I need to have a look at that wound, and change the dressing." He took hold of the sheet, but Joxer clutched at it. "Oh, really! It isn't as if I haven't already seen all you have. Let go of that sheet. I'm a busy man, and I don't have time for this nonsense."

Joxer reluctantly let go of the sheet, and Apollo pulled it down to his knees. He bent over Joxer's body, and the mortal tensed. Apollo just brought his face close to the bandaged area, and sniffed. "No smell of corruption. Very good." He held up his hands, and a pair of large golden shears appeared. "This is going to hurt." Joxer's hands flew instinctively to cover his privates. Apollo's eyebrows rose. "Great Zeus, who HAVE you been hanging about with? It's for the bandages, silly--the BANDAGES." Joxer smiled sheepishly, but kept his hands in place. Apollo shrugged. "All right, but you might have the urge to grab when the real pain hits you--then don't say you weren't warned." Joxer slowly moved his hands to his side.

"Good boy." Apollo slid the tips of the shears under the edge of the bandage, and Joxer shivered slightly. "Yes, I know they're cold. Sorry. I suppose I should have warned them."

"It's not that. I'm just a little nervous about having sharp objects that close to... um..."

Apollo chuckled. "I thought they said you were stupid, but that's an imminently sensible attitude." He started carefully snipping through the linen.

Joxer let his head drop back on the pillow. *Great. My lack of brainpower has reached even unto the gods. Figures.* As the pressure around his leg decreased with each snip, the pain increased. By the time Apollo was spreading the bandages open he was sweating.

Apollo glanced up at the mortal, surprised that he wasn't yelling with pain by now. *Well, he's feeling it.* The man's expression was tight, jaw clenched, eyes pressed shut so hard that his brows were drawn down. *Well, you're braver than you look. I think even Ares would have at least been swearing by now. Let's see how he does when I remove the packing.*

He did quite well--only a few whines, and a yelp when he had to work a bit of seaweed free of dried blood. Since the bleeding had stopped and the wound had begun healing cleanly, Apollo had intended to leave the cleaning and rebandaging to the servant while he went on to the rest of his duties. Instead he snapped his fingers, and the servant brought up the basin of water and cleaning supplies. Apollo glanced down at them, then said, "Get me the green vial."

As the servant handed him the vial, Apollo said, "You seem to be alert and strong enough to stand a little pain killer. I'm going to give this to you, because this is going to be very painful. I'm afraid it won't actually take away the pain, but it will dull it a bit. It should be tolerable."

"I'm all for tolerance." Joxer reached for the vial.

Apollo said, "No, you'll need help. That potion is a bitch to make, and I'm not going to have you spill it all over."

Once again a strong arm was slipped behind Joxer's back, lifting his torso. *But it's not the same. It felt different when Ares did it. Maybe it was the leather?* Apollo held the vial to Joxer's lips and he drank. This one didn't taste QUITE as bad as the hydra blood antidote had, but that was like saying that losing a toe was better than being hamstrung.

Apollo was watching the faces Joxer made, amused. "Pretty nasty, huh?"

"Um... well..." *It's gotta be bad form to criticize someone who saved your life, and STUPID when that person can fry you butt just as easily.*

"It tastes rotten, I know. But hey--it's medicine. I used to put flavorings in them, but I could never be sure that it wouldn't change the effect. Besides, Strife lobbied so hard."

He eased Joxer back down. "Yeah, and it'll keep kids from getting into it, thinking it's a treat. It couldn't be good for them to take medicine when they didn't need it. It might make them sick."

Apollo smiled. "That's pretty perceptive. You know, not one of the adults who complain about the taste has ever realized that." He patted Joxer on the head, then slowly stroked the young man's hair. "You have quite nice hair--as soft as the Muses'."

Joxer was beginning to feel a little lightheaded. "Thank you." *Is Apollo flirting with me?*

"I'll have one of the servants wash it for you later. Now, to tend to that wound."

*Nah. That drug must be kicking in, if I thought that. I mean, this is APOLLO. He has his pick of the Muses. I have to be imagining it.*

Apollo quickly cleaned and rebandaged Joxer's wound. As he tied the last knot, he glanced us at the pale faced man. *Not a sound. Pretty impressive for a mortal.* Humming to himself, he whimsically tied a bow in the bandage's trailing ends. "Gotta make you look good for your visitors." As he straightened up, he drew his hand slowly up, brushing the edge of Joxer's pubic thatch. Then he cupped his hands over Joxer's genitals and gave a gentle squeeze. "Nice package, dude." Then he pulled the sheet back up. "I'll have them send in some breakfast, but you're going to be on liquids and pap till I'm sure of what your digestion can handle." He tapped Joxer playfully on the nose. "Be grateful. You sure as Tartarus don't want to throw up while you're immobile." Apollo took Joxer's chin in his hand and studied the red mark on his cheek. "Okay, it looks safe to handle that without a barrier." He scooped up a little salve and smoothed it over the weal. It had been stinging a little, and now that faded. Then Apollo cupped Joxer's other cheek, rubbing slowly. "Hm... You don't have many whiskers, do you? I bet that up until a couple of years ago your cheeks were as smooth as Bliss' butt. You can go for another day or so without a shave." He patted Joxer's cheek, then left, with the servant trailing after with the rest of the supplies.

Joxer, who had been stunned since that big hand had engulfed his cock, thought, *Okay. Maybe he WAS flirting. He wouldn't actually DO anything,* Joxer assured himself. *I mean, after all, he's a GOD.* Joxer winced. *Yeah, and so is Zeus.*

His leg was aching terribly, but drowsiness was creeping over him. He fell asleep. He was gently awakened some time later, and servant propped him up with soft pillows, then spoon-fed him strong broth. Joxer had protested, wanting to feed himself, but the servant replied that Lord Apollo had been very specific in his orders, and it wasn't worth the servant's skin to disobey.

After the meal, the servant brought in more jugs of water and a basin. "I already had a bath."

"I know. Lord Apollo has said that your hair is to be washed."

"That's thoughtful of him, but I don't see how it's possible if I can't get out of bed. It'll make an awful mess."

"The trick is in the length of the hair."

"Oh. You mean that it would be hard to do it for Iolaus, but easy for Cupid?"

"Exactly."

"Well, I'm glad my hair is short."

The servant picked up a pair of shears. These were plain metal instead of gold, like Apollo's, but they looked just as sharp. "Not as short as it WILL be."

Joxer put the pillow over his head.

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Ares looked up from the map he was studying, and scowled. "Strife, if you pick your nose one more time you'll have to learn how to do it with another finger, because I will REMOVE the digit you use." Strife shrugged. He was sitting in a chair with his left ankle on his right knee, and he casually wiped his finger on the sole of his boot. "Why do you DO that?" Strife grinned. Ares heaved a sigh. "Because you know it annoys me. Silly question."

"I'm just bored, Unc. You been stewin ovah those maps fah ages now. I'd say 'give it up--they ain't gonna change', but I know that ain't so." The maps in question were enchanted. The marks on them moved to show the exact position of different troops and individuals that Ares wanted to keep an eye on. "But Zeus, Unc--they're so slow that it must be like watchin' paint dry."

"There's been a group of rebels trying to sneak up on one of my warlords. I've been checking their progress."

"And?"

"They won't make it by morning, and they won't attack in daylight." Ares scratched a few lines on a parchment, and rolled it up. "I'll need you to take this to Otess. Before you give it to him, try to find out if he already knows about the planned ambush. If he doesn't, burn his tent down. His scouts should have warned him by now."

Strife fidgeted. "Do I hafta?"

Ares looked up in surprise. "Since when do you question what I tell you to do?"

"Oh, I ain't," Strife said quickly. "I'll do it, if ya really need me to, but I was plannin on goin ta visit Joxer, an' it's gettin kinda late. 'Pol don't like people visitin his patients aftah sunset. I'm gonna hafta remembah that fah if healin establishments evah become common." He tittered. "I'll call it 'visitin hours', an' it'll piss a lot of people off."

Ares looked thoughtful. "All right, you don't have to waste any time picking for information or punishing if he's been lax. Just drop it off, then you can do what you like."

"Thanks, Unc!" Strife took the scroll.

"Why do you want to visit him, though?"

Strife paused, thinking. "Tartarus, I dunno. He's a nice enough guy, he's helped me out before, an'..." He lifted one shoulder. "Tha guy is gonna be stuck up here fah awhile, right? It ain't like anyone he knows from Earth is gonna be able ta visit. I s'pose he's gonna get fuckin bored aftah awhile. Besides, he can be funny. If ya don't HAFTA listen ta him--I mean, if ya ain't TRAPPED with him, his babblin can be pretty fuckin amusin." Strife tapped the scroll to his head. "See ya soon." He transported.

A few tiny frogs hopped in Strife's wake. It was something new he'd been trying. He said that if Dite and Cupid could have hearts, flowers, and doves when they transported, he saw no reason why HE couldn't add a flourish to his transportation. Ares watched as the little green creatures disappeared in a puff of smoke. *I suppose it could be worse. He COULD have chosen to use polecats--and I hope like Tartarus he doesn't catch that stray thought.*

Ares leaned back over his map, but after a moment he rolled it up. He considered materializing something to eat, sharpening his sword, studying a book on strategy, and even doing a bit of training with some of his war dogs. None of it appealed to him. He finally realized that he was bored. *That's ridiculous. I'm a GOD. Tartarus, I'm the fucking God of WAR! I'm not supposed to get bored. Why am I bored? I've spent almost every waking hour doing my job--fighting or planning. Then Zeus decides to celebrate his anniversary with Hera by cutting hostilities back by half for two seasons, and all of a sudden I have free time on my hands. I guess I should thank the Fates that he didn't declare absolute PEACE. Tartarus, it would take AGES to get things back to normal if he did that.*

He found that he was pacing, and he angrily threw himself into a chair, unconsciously sliding down into a sullen slouch. *This whole Joxer fiasco is Zeus' fault, really. If he hadn't ordered me to ease up, I'd have been off directing a battle, or something. Instead, what happens? I'm bored, I'm looking for something to do, I spy on Xena, and find out that she's going to help my meddling half-brother slay a hydra. Instead of productively slicing up some barbarian horde I end up on that damn unstable ledge. If Zeus hadn't forbidden me my work, I wouldn't have been there. I wouldn't have fallen, I wouldn't have been in danger of being hydra-chow, Joxer would have stayed safely on the other side of the meadow, and wouldn't have gotten injured, and wouldn't even now be laying in Apollo's temple, waiting for Strife to visit him.* Ares sat up a little, blinking. "Shit, I wonder if Joxerbabble is catching?*

He didn't relax back into the chair. Instead he stood up. *I suppose I ought to go check on him,* he thought grudgingly. *If I can get some good news to take back to Xena, I can lay an obligation on her.*

It was as good an excuse as any, since he wouldn't admit to himself that he simply wanted to see how the odd little man was doing.

He transported.

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Strife appeared in Apollo's temple. Actually, he appeared in the middle of the Muses' bathing chamber, sending naked, wet, shrieking females flying in all directions before he said, "Oops!" and transported to the front room. He was giggling happily when Apollo stalked in, glaring at him. "Don't start on me, 'Pol. I was just lookin fah a friend of mine, an' I, uh, miscalculated."

Apollo grunted. "Right--and Bacchus is the God of Virtue and Restraint. I suppose you're looking for Xena's tag-along?"

"Joxer, yah. I heard he tried ta tangle with a full grown hydra, an' came out a little tha worse fah wear."

"He's very lucky. If Ares hadn't gotten him to me when he did, Hades would have already had him sorted out. As it is, it still isn't a sure thing, but I'm hopeful. If there's no infection, he should be all right, but he's going to have to stay here on Olympus for a while. The conditions on Earth would be just too filthy and rough."

"He up ta havin visitors?"

"Yes. I think it would be good for him, as long as you don't tire him out. Come on, and I'll show you the way." As he led Strife along the halls he said, "How did you find out about Joxer being injured?"

"There was an air sprite that saw it happen, an' she blabbered ta Zephyr, an' ya KNOW what he's like."

Apollo nodded. "That airhead LIVES to gossip."

"Yah, well, I was tha first one he told, an' I brought it home ta him how pissed Ares would be if he went talkin it around that he'd gotten his bacon pulled outta tha fire by a mortal."

Apollo grunted. "Thank you. I hate having to do repair work on Zephyr. Parts of him just go wafting off, if you aren't cautious." Apollo smiled. "You know, Joxer is kind of cute, for a mortal."

Strife looked at Apollo in surprise. "Ya think?"

"Have you ever seen him naked?"

"Um... I popped in on him once when he was bathin. That dude can stay undah watah a LONG time. I was too busy givin him some false information from Ares ta pay much attention."

"Trust me--he's pretty nice, in a long and lanky, needs some sun way." Strife cleared his throat, glaring at the Sun God. "What?"

The tall, thin, pale Mischief God rolled his eyes. *What's tha use? * "Nothin. Are we there yet?"

"Yes, we are." Apollo pointed. "That door there. Remember the way, because I won't have time to act as guide. No more than an hour--he needs his rest." Apollo bustled away.

Strife walked into the room. "Heya, Joxie!" He peered at the man lying on the bed. "Look, I know that they pull sheets up ovah tha dead, but 'Pol said ya were doin okay, so what's with tha pillah ovah yer head?"

"Strife?"

"Want me ta turn tha stuffin in that pillah inta manure an' prove it?" Joxer sighed and tucked the pillow back under his head. Strife blinked. "That's kind of a new look for ya, ain't it, Jox?"

"I needed a shampoo."

"Damn, man, how hard did they scrub?"

"Ha ha."

"Yah, I thought it was pretty decent." Strife went over and sat on the edge of the bed. "So--hydra, huh?" Joxer nodded. "Pretty ambitious, Jox. Don't ya think ya shoulda started off with somethin a little less threatenin--like maybe a sheep?"

"Ares wasn't being attacked by a sheep."

"Yah? Well, it coulda happened. Them things are treacherous beasts, especially if they're in flocks. It makes 'em vicious."

Joxer was staring at him. Strife grinned. "Oh. You're fooling me."

"Of course I am. Damn, Jox, you're not THAT gullible, are ya?"

"Heck, Strife, you're a god. You have access to secrets unknown to mortal man, and for all I know that might mean that somewhere there are carnivorous sheep.

"There ain't, but it's an interestin idea."

"You scare me."

Strife stuck out his tongue. "I'm supposed ta."

Joxer smiled. *He's nicer than everyone seems to realize. I mean, causing mischief is his JOB, and there HAS to be a certain amount of trouble in the world. He's fairer than a lot of gods, too. He usually doesn't concentrate on anyone unless they've done something to really piss him off, and that's pretty much what ANYONE would do.*

"Dinar fah yer thoughts."

"I was just thinking that nobody really seems to understand you."

Strife's grin faltered, and something flickered in his eyes. "Sure they do, Jox. Heck, I'm not complicated--if I can cause mischief, I do." He shrugged. "Simple."

"Sure. I guess it's the same for me. What you see is what you get."

Strife cocked his head, studying Joxer. He knew something of Joxer's past, what he'd had to overcome. He knew that other people would have given up and turned hollow, or gone bitter and turned mean. Joxer had done neither. He was full to bursting with warmth and affection--and he had no one to share those feelings. Despite his desire to be a warrior, he was one of the gentlest souls around. Those were the reasons that he was such a favorite with Aphrodite-- she saw them, too. "I dunno about that, Jox. Ya know what Poseidon says--still watahs run deep."

Joxer was trying to think of an answer to that when there was a red flash, and Ares appeared. "I've come to see how you're doing. I see that you're conscious, at least, and what the fuck happened to your hair?" For a second Joxer blinked in confusion at the sudden shift of topic. "Your HAIR," said Ares impatiently. "What happened to it? Your head looks like a porcupine--one that's had its quills clipped."

A little color came into Joxer's pale cheeks. "They cut it so they could wash it. You see, with it this short they could just use a cloth to wet it, rub the soap on, then use a damp cloth to wipe it off."

"In other words they were too damn lazy to make the effort to do it normally." Ares stalked over and bent down to examine Joxer.

The hair was no more than a half-inch long. This short you could really tell how soft and fine it was. It DID stick up a lot, but Strife thought it was more like dandelion fluff than porcupine quills. "Hello ta you, too, Unc."

Ares glanced at him, his expression saying 'oh, so YOU'RE here'. He nodded, then looked back at Joxer. "Who did it?"

Joxer's eyes shifted. "I don't know."

"Don't lie to me, Joxer. I can find out easily enough."

"I wish you wouldn't." His voice was plaintive. "Sure, I didn't like it much, but I can see WHY they did it, and it'll grow back." He paused. "Won't it? Olympian shears don't, like, make it stop growing, do they?"

Strife giggled. "I love 'im--he's so easy." He stood up. "I gotta go. Joxie, I'll tell Dite what happened, 'kay? I know she'll wanna see ya."

"Okay, but don't make too much of it, huh? I don't want her to worry."

"Gotcha. No details of pumpin blood an' hideous screams." He twiddled his fingers, and disappeared.

Joxer said, "Why do I have the feeling that he's going to make the description as gory as possible?"

"Because that's exactly what he's going to do." Ares reached down and passed a hand over Joxer's scalp. "I suppose I don't have to gut anyone over this, but they didn't need to cut it this short, did they?" *Damn, his hair is soft. If feels like Cupid's did, way back when I used to brush it for him, except his curled. Joxer's is straight. I think it would fall just like a sheet if he let it grow. And it's thick, too. I ought to be able to see his scalp with it this short, but I can't.*

Joxer lay very still as Ares rubbed his head, his eyes half closing. *Boy, that feels nice. No wonder cats like to be petted so much. When was the last time someone stroked my hair? Um... Yeah, I remember. It was Jayce. I'd found out he was going to run away from home, and I was crying because I'd be the only one left at home. He stayed another hour and let me cry in his lap, petting my hair and my back. But he still left, and the next day Father...*

"What's this?"

Joxer's eyes popped open. "My head."

"I know that. I mean this." Ares' finger moved through his hair, brushing his scalp. "This raised ridge, here."

"I--had an accident."

"What sort of accident?"

"It was a long time ago. I don't remember."

"What do you mean you don't remember?"

Joxer stared up at Ares for a moment. Finally he said softly, "I mean that sometimes the Fates are merciful, and let you forget something."

"You could remember, if you tried."

"I don't want to try. If I wanted to forget it, I'm pretty sure that I don't want to remember it, and it's not important, anyway. It's just a scar." He turned his face toward the wall. "I have lots of them."

Seeking Balance, 4/?
More Visitors

Ares was silent for a moment, then he sat in the chair beside the bed. "Yes, you do, and some of them are a little odd. Take those lash marks on the back of your calves. How did you come by those?"

Joxer didn't look around. "How do you usually get lash marks?"

Ares regarded him in surprise. "Did you realize that smart remarks to me can be hazardous to your health?"

"Strife does it all the time."

"Strife is a god--he can take an occasional fireball without too much damage. Tell me about the lashes."

"No."

"Joxer..." Joxer turned his face even farther toward the wall, shoulders tensing, and Ares realized that he was waiting to be, if not killed, then hurt. Ares was faced with the unfamiliar task of making an effort to reassure someone. He tried again, keeping his voice level (but hopefully not in a scary way--Strife had told him he was at his most scary when he was too quiet). "Joxer, look at me." The young man rolled his head on the pillow, looking at Ares. *Zeus, I never noticed how huge his eyes are. It must be the short hair.* "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but don't DO that."

"Do what?"

"Start to shut yourself off. I've seen too much of that with Strife. It isn't good, Joxer. It makes you crazy." He grimmaced. "Or in Strife's case, craziER."

There was a distant sound something like a heavy wind-chime caught in a hurricane, and they heard a female voice shrieking, "Where is he? Where's my Joxie? You show me RIGHT NOW or you'll have the love life of a ninety-year old syphilitic SLUG!"

"Of course, sometimes you don't have to cut yourself off from others to be a little cracked," drawled Ares.

There was the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps, and a man's voice babbling. "Rightthiswayhe'sfinewe'retakinggoodcareofhim..."

One of the priest's appeared in the doorway. A dainty, carefully manicured hand shot out and shoved him out of the way. "One side, Solar Sycophant." Aphrodite flounced into the room, as only she could flounce. Semi-opaque pink chiffon drifted around her, and a few stray rose petals (left over from her transport) drifted to the floor. Tears sprang into her blue eyes, and she rushed toward the bed, arms outstretched. "Oh, my poor Joxie!"

Joxer cringed. "Wound, Dite! Wound!"

She halted scant inches from grabbing him. "Oh, right! I'm sorry, sweetie, but I was SO worried. Hearing it from Strife, I expected to find you in three or four pieces." She started to sit on the side of the bed, saw Joxer tense again, and instead perched on Ares' knee.

"Uh, Dite?" Ares said.

"Don't start with me, Ar. Besides," she reached back without looking and tugged at his beard. "it isn't as if I haven't done it before. Joxie, hon, are you okay?"

"Well, I have a big hole in my leg and it hurts like Tartarus, and I'm on Olympus, and I'm half convinced that everyone up here is crazy, but other than that..." He looked sheepish. "No insult meant."

Aphrodite waved her hand dismissively. "Don't sweat it. It isn't as if most of the Pantheon hasn't had their sanity called into question on a regular basis. Are they treating you good?"

"Oh, yes, they're being very considerate."

"Do you need anything? Want me to arrange for someone to come in and give you oral sex?"

*It's a good thing Joxer wasn't eating or drinking,* Ares thought, *Or 'Pol would be in here trying to save him from choking. As it is, I think it was a near miss that he didn't swallow his tongue. I wonder how he's going to answer that?*

"Nuh-no thank you."

"You sure?"

"I'm a little sore right now, Dite."

She looked worried. "Nothing, um, IMPORTANT got damaged, did it?"

"I think it missed all the major arteries and internal organs, so... Oh, you mean EXTERNAL organs. No, just the thigh, and this." The touched the welt on his cheek.

Aphrodite made a face. "Oh, my poor pookie bear. Don't worry, doll. I think that when it heals it'll make you look sorta dashing."

Joxer gave her a goofy smile, and Ares thought, *He's buying that? How desperate is he for approval?* Ares recalled one spying session when he'd seen Joxer offer Gabrielle a handful of field flowers, and been rewarded with a bonk on the head. *I guess that answers my own question--pretty fucking desperate if he'll spend about a year trying to win that harpy's heart. Here's a clue, Joxer--they have to have one for you to win it.*

Aphrodite had leaned over and was cooing to Joxer, stroking the soft, short bristles of his hair. Joxer was looking up at her with gratitude and affection shining in his big, brown eyes. Ares suddenly unbent his knees, sliding his heels straight out, and Dite tumbled with a squeal. She landed butt first on the floor and glared up at Ares through a tangle of blonde curls. "Oops."

"Oops? Cerebus crap, Ar! You did that on purpose."

He gave her an innocent look. "Why would I do that?" She glared at him suspicously, then got a thoughtful look on her face. She smiled slowly. *Uh-oh. I have to remember--I can't DO innocent. STRIFE can do innocent better than I can.* "Dite? Don't do anything rash."

Aphrodite smiled sweetly, and rose gracefully to her feet. "Me? Rash? Ares, I'm surprised at you." Joxer was looking apprehensive, and she smiled at him reassuringly. "Sweetie, I can't stay long right now. I have some research, and some thinking to do. But first..." She pointed at the table, and a large glass bowl of sweet scented pink roses appeared. "And..." She pointed at Joxer, and he suddenly found himself holding a stuffed centaur toy. "I'd leave sweetmeats, but I know how picky Apollo is about nutrition during healing. Maybe later." She bent down and kissed him on his unmarked cheek, lingering for a few seconds more than was strictly necessary. When she stood back up, Ares was glowering darkly. Dite giggled. "Is it okay if I tell Cupid he can visit?"

"Oh, uh, sure, I guess. If he wants to?" The last statement had a questioning lift at the end.

"Cool." She wiggled her fingers. "Toodles." She disappeared in a shower of gold and pink sparks, and rose petals.

Ares grumbled, "Flighty woman. Why she can't just use sparks like a normal person..."

Joxer picked a rose petal off his chin. "I think it's pretty."

"Well, of COURSE it's pretty," Ares snapped. "She's the Goddess of Love, she can't HELP but do pretty things. Is 'pretty' THAT important?"

"Beautiful is good, too," said Joxer shyly.

Ares felt cold. "Right." He stood up abruptly. "I'll check on you tomorrow." He waved his hand briskly, and was gone in a fountain of red sparks.

They continued to rain down for several seconds. Even though Joxer knew they weren't dangerous, he found himself jerking the sheet over his face. The motion was too strong, and something pulled. The pain flared, and he moaned. *Everybody goes away. What did I say this time?*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Ares appeared in his own bedroom, and was pacing before the sparks settled. *Beautiful. Of course, beautiful is good. Here I was thinking that maybe there was someone who wasn't blinded by physical beauty, since he was so wrapped up in Xena's bard bitch, then... Oh, all right. I suppose some people might find Gabrielle beautiful-- until they were around her for more than five minutes, or had to listen to her voice for more than a few seconds at a time. It would make more sense if he was in love with Xena. Xena IS beautiful, personal prejudice about my own blood aside. She's buff, and she can kick ass--THAT'S beautiful.*

He paused in the middle of his room, head down, and thought, *Of course, the same could be said about me, and I'M not beautiful. Devastatingly sexy, maybe, but not beautiful.* He made a sound of disgust. *Why am I losing sleep over... Exactly what the hell AM I losing sleep over? Nothing. Joxer is fine. I wouldn't be losing sleep even if he WASN'T fine. I mean, he's just a mortal--not even a particularly IMPORTANT mortal, either. It isn't as if he's a strategically important person, like Iphecles, or a high-level warlord. He's just a not-very-good... okay, hopeless. He's a hopeless warrior-type, who nearly got himself killed...* Ares flashed away his clothes, falling back into his bed, *saving me...* he extinguished the torches with a thought, *when he didn't have to.* As he drifted off to sleep, the thought that followed him down into his dreams was, *I never noticed before. He has brown eyes.*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

After Ares left so suddenly, Joxer called one of the priests in, and was granted some more of the pain killing draft. The agony that had been building in his leg faded back to a managable ache. The priest gave the toy that Joxer was hugging a curious look, but he didn't say anything. He'd been on Olympus long enough to know that it was better just to take minor oddities in stride. He made sure the patient was as comfortable as possible, then extinguished the lights in the room. When he exited, he left the door to the hall open, to provide a little light, and to make certain he would be able to hear Joxer if he needed anything during the night.

Joxer cuddled the toy that Aphrodite had given him. He was alone now, and he didn't have to worry about feeling silly. The truth was, he hated to sleep by himself. The only times in his life he'd felt the least bit secure was when, as a child, he snuggled down between his two big brothers at night, and felt their warmth on either side. Sometimes Jett would hug him, often half squashing Joxer as he slept, but that was all right. And sometimes Jayce would let Joxer hug him, smiling tolerantly as the other boy burrowed against his side. But since they'd both left home, there'b been no one. Well, not really. There was the occasionaly tavern wench, but they usually wanted to be paid. Also they were willing to have sex, but they often weren't interesting in snuggling afterward. If he had a dinar for every time he had heard, "What?! You don't think you're going to SLEEP here?" If he didn't have a real, breathing person to cuddle, a toy helped a little.

*Of course, I can now kiss any iota of respect Ares might have had for me good-bye. Who's going to take a warrior with a stuffed centaur seriously? I know, I'll tell him that I was humoring Dite. EVERYONE humors Dite. Yeah, that'll work. I wonder why Dite isn't with Ares? I mean, I know that she isn't REALLY his sister, since Zeus did that 'scattering his seed on the sea foam' bit. But that makes her his HALF-sister, and that's still... still sorta icky. But they're not together now, and from what I hear Hephastus is a pretty nice guy, but she left ARES. How could anyone walk away from him? And I'm not talking about the increased chanced of being incinerated or torn limb from limb, either. He's so BEAUTIFUL. And I think that's probably inside as well as outside. Okay, maybe I haven't had too much proof of that inside part, but the OUTSIDE part is beyond dispute. And as for the inside... well, I just feel it, that's all. Maybe I ought to try to get well and get back to earth real fast. I like that feeling, and I'd kinda hate to have it spoiled if I pissed him off and he killed my ass.*

Joxer settled down to sleep, thinking. *I sure do wish I could turn over. I wonder if Ares' beard is as soft as it looks?*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

"Say what, Mom?"

"You heard me, Cupie."

"Yeah, I heard you--I just can't believe you actually said it." Aphrodite scowled. "Oh, c'mon, Mom. Joxer and Dad? I mean, I know that opposites attract, but PLEASE!" Aphrodite stared at her son, and a small, secret smile crept across her lips. It made Cupid nervous when she smiled like that. "What?"

"Just thinking about opposites, sweetie. Look, you go over and visit Joxie tomorrow and see what I mean."

"If you insist, but it will hardly do any good unless Dad is there, too."

"Oh, I think he'll show up, if you wait around a little while," she said smugly. "Just observe, and you'll see what I mean. Oh, and keep your arrows in your quiver, big fella. If this doesn't happen naturally, I'm a sea cow," she patted her curls, "and we all know THAT'S a damn lie." Cupid rolled his eyes, but grinned. Typical Mom.

Aphrodite eyed her big, blond son as he sprawled in front of the table. She indicated a brightly smeared parchment. "Is that Bliss' latest masterpiece?"

"No, Mom--I've taken up fingerpainting." He smiled fondly. "He says it's Aurora. I don't think she favors purple quite that much, but I wasn't about to tell him."

"Is he visiting his mother?"

The smile faded. "Yeah," he said shortly.

"You know that I think that you're doing a terrific job raising him, hon, but really--a child needs TWO parents."

"Don't start on me, okay? After Psyche, it's going to be at least a century before I'm interested in having another wife."

Aphrodite patted her son's shoulder consolingly, while thinking, *And who said anything about a WIFE?*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

"Wake up, sleeping beauty."

Joxer blinked awake. "Who?"

"Oh, and he's coy, too." Apollo was standing beside the bed, smiling down at him. "Time to change the dressing again. I have a salve to speed healing that I should be able to apply today." As he pulled down the sheet he explained, "The wound was too fresh yesterday." Again the shears appeared. This time Joxer didn't flinch. Apollo began snipping through the bandages. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Okay. I woke up a couple of times."

"Hm. Well, I could give you something to help you sleep, if you want." Apollo was unfolding the opened bandages with his right hand. He rested his left hand lightly just above Joxer's hipbone, and his fingers started tracing a circle.

*Oh, Zeus! I don't think I WANT to be drugged too much while I'm in this place.* "Oh, it was just because I had to call someone to bring the chamber pot."

"Yes, that antidote I gave you DOES have a diuretic effect?"

"A what?"

Apollo peeled up the pad, peering first at the wound, then at it. "It makes you pee, sweetcheeks--a lot. I'm going to have them put a pitcher of water and a mug within reach, and I want you to empty it as often as you can. This looks very good. The wound is beginning to scab over, and there's scarcely any leakage on the pad."

*I'm misinterpretting again.*

Apollo completed the bandaging quickly, then smiled at Joxer and ran a finger up the inside of his thigh. "You'll be ready to climb back in the saddle in no time, dude." His eyes twinkled, and he brushed Joxer's scrotum. "Or do you prefer playing saddle?"

*No, I'm not.*

*FLASH*

"Geez, 'Pol, you're SUCH a horndog! The guy just missed visitng Uncle Hades--at least give him some time to rest up before you start hitting on him."

Apollo drew the sheet back up, patting Joxer on the chest. "Careful, Cupid. You're going to get a reputation as a prude, talking like that. You have a point, though." He tapped Joxer on the nose, making him blink. "You're going to need at least another couple of days of bed rest before you use a bed for anything but resting. We'll see then, all right?"

"Uh..."

"Super. Have to go. Demeter has a drought scheduled to the east, and I'm going to be busy." He left.

Joxer looked up at Cupid. "Help?"

Cupid shrugged. "Don't worry about it too much, Joxer. If you just turn him down firmly, you won't have a problem."

"Cupid, I don't have a lot of what you'd call resistance. Ask me sometimes about the 'Scroll a Month' club Salmoneus talked me into joining once."

The corners of Cupid's mouth twitched. "So, how's it going? You need anything?"

"A bodyguard would be nice."

"Look, Apollo can be an egotistical prick, but you have to admit that he's way ahead of the pack in the looks department. What's the problem, Jox?"

"He's... he's..." Joxer was obviously searching for a reason. "He's... really, really blond."

"Yeah, he's that," Cupid agreed, amused. "But I thought you LIKED blond?"

"Why would you think that?" Cupid pretended to write something. "Oh, Gabby!" Joxer sounded surprised. "Yeah, sure, but she's a WOMAN."

"I could find you people who would debate that with you, but what's the difference?"

Joxer stared at him, perplexed. "Cupid, she's a GIRL--I'm a guy. I mean, you HAVE noticed, haven't you?" Cupid nodded, fighting down another smile. "And Apollo's another guy."

"What's that got to do with the price of baklava?"

"I'm in LOVE with Gabby. I can't be in love with another man."

"Why not?" Joxer gaped. "Oh, Tartarus, Joxer! You mortals and you're prejudices. I'll be glad when you people finally learn that gender isn't really important unless you're interest in procreating. It doesn't matter a flip when it comes to passion and love."

"But... but... but... Love?"

"Of COURSE, love! Do I have to draw you a picture?"

"No, thank you. I'm not up to looking at gay erotica right now."

Now Cupid DID smile. "You mean you might be 'up' for it later?" Joxer opened and closed his mouth a couple more times, eyes the size of saucers. Cupid finally took pity on him. "I mean offer an example to illustrate my point, not show you dirty pictures."

*FLASH*

Strife was lounging in the doorway. "Why not? Lookin at dirty pictures is a worthwhile occupation." Cupid glanced at him, and rolled his eyes. Behind Cupid's back, Strife stuck his tongue out at him.

Joxer, aghast, shook his head. Not looking around, Cupid said, "He made a face at me, didn't he?"

"Um..."

"Never mind--I'm used to it. Okay, example--Hercules and Iolaus."

"But Iolaus can get the panties off any barmaid in Greece, and Hercules was married."

"So? Iolaus can also charm the pants off most of the barkeeps in Greece."

Joxer was starting to sound desperate. "Hercules had CHILDREN!"

Strife cackled. "What? Ya think that takin it up tha tailpipe means ya can't sire kids?"

Joxer's eyes were approaching dinner plate size now. "HERCULES?"

Strife's laughter was progressing toward uncontrolable. "Ya gotta PROMISE me yer gonna ask him about that tha next time ya see him."

"Quit teasing him, Strife. Joxer, yes Hercules was married, and he loved both of his wives very much. But think about it for a moment-- who has he gone back to after he lost each one? He's been with Iolaus longer than both his marriages combined. How often do you see one of them without the other? Don't they almost seem to share a secret language? Sometimes they even complete each other's sentances, and if THAT doesn't say 'old married couple', I don't know what does."

"When you put it that way, it makes sense," admitted Joxer. "Uh, what were we talking about before? I sort of lost track."

"The fact that Apollo is sniffing around you, and you aren't interested."

"Right!"

"Ya ain't?" Strife asked, curious. "Howcome? Ol' Shiny Britches has a pretty good record where lovahs are concerned. I mean, nobody could possibly be as good as he thinks he is himself, but..." Cupid was arching an eyebrow at him. "What? Oh. Nobody but Cupid could possibly be as good as..."

"Are you speaking from personal experience, Strife?" Cupid asked calmly.

Joxer was watching the two gods closely. *I thought Cupid had hazel eyes. They sure do look green now.*

"I don't fuck an' tell, cuz." He tittered. "Well, not aside from some graffiti now an' then. Anyways, MY sex life ain't in question here--Joxie's is. Or rathah what MIGHT be his sex life, unless somebody lays a chastity belt on 'im."

"Hm. Well, I can't have him over at my place. He'd never get a moment's peace with Bliss running around." Cupid tapped his chin. "I have an idea. If it works, I'll know whether or not I owe Mom an apology, and it will settle this problem. If it doesn't work..." He shrugged. "I'll see Hephastus about that chastity belt. Where's Dad, Strife?"

"A group of rebels is about ta lace inta wunna his warlords, an' he's busy watchin an' bein majorly pissed," Strife answered. "He's too fuckin stubborn ta just appear an' kick ass. He's determined ta let tha warlord learn a lesson, but he doesn't wanna risk losin him eithah, an' tha conflict of interest is about ready ta pop his skull. I was with him, but he's so ticked I decided it might be more prudent ta put some space between us till that particulah fiasco is ovah."

"Stay with Joxer, then. If Apollo tries anything, drop a few spiders down his toga." Cupid transported.

Strife sighed happily, dropping down into the bedside chair. "I love my job. So," he said brightly, "aside from tha horny, grabby, Sultan of Sunburn, how are things?"

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

A small group of rebels crouched hidden among some rocks on a hill overlooking the warlord's camp in the valley nearby. Ares was stalking back and forth behind the rebels, cursing. Since he'd stayed invisible, and blocked the mortals from hearing him, it wasn't having any noticable effect. When Cupid appeared beside him he growled, "Not now, son. I'm trying to decide the best way to handle this shit."

"Dad, do you WANT those two groups to fight?"

"No, not now, anyway."

"Point out the leaders of each side." Ares flicked a finger at one ragged man who was muttering fiercely to another, eyes full of hate fixed on the second man Ares indicated--the general who was haranging his troops, waving toward the hillside. "Just a second." Cupid hitched his quiver around so that he could look into it. He muttered to himself, sorting through the arrows, then removed two identical ones, banded with blue and silver. He swiftly notched and let them fly, one after the other. One thudded into the back of the rebel leader. The other soared, and caught the warlord square in the chest. Both disappeared with a poof that was neither seen, nor heard by the mortals.

Suddenly the hatred faded from the rebel leader's expression. He gazed at the warlord with great, mooning eyes. The warlord's hand dropped limply to his side for a moment, then pressed over his heart as he gazed up at the hillside, a goofy smile breaking across his face. Ares looked from one to the other. "Tartarus, Cupid, what did you DO? I said I don't want them to fight NOW--I didn't say NEVER."

"Chill, Dad. It's just a little puppylove hoo-doo. It'll wear off in a couple of days, but till then, neither one of them is going to let their followers attack the other. Now that's taken care of, can I have a moment of your time?"

"Sure. What's the problem?"

Cupid carefully kept his tone casual. "Oh, it's nothing urgent. It's just that you know what a pet Joxer is to Mom, and I'd rather not see a major feud break out between her and Uncle Apollo over him."

Ares scowled. "Why should there be a feud over Joxer? I thought Apollo was taking good care of him." His voice dropped ominously. "Nothing's happened to him?" He cleared his throat. "I wouldn't want Dite to be upset."

"No, Joxer is okay, he's just a little freaked out."

"Well, that's understandable. Recovering from a major injury..."

"That's not it." Cupid shrugged. "It's just that Apollo has taken a fancy to Joxer, and..."

"Has he done anything to him?"

Cupid looked at his father in surprise. *Whoa, Dad. That tone had more steel in it than your armory.* "Oh, just a little friendly groping, but Joxer isn't interested, and you know how Apollo is. I figure it would be best to put temptation out of his reach, but I can't have Joxer at my place, and..."

*FLASH*

Ares was gone. Cupid smiled a little. "And I guess I DO owe Mom an apology."

Part Five
Transfer

"Ya mean it nevah occurred ta ya that it was pretty fuckin co- inkidental fah there ta always be a puddle, horse trough, or pile of manure around whenevah ya knocked Gabrielle ovah?"

"Zeus, Strife, I never thought much about it. And since she raps me on the head with her staff every time it happens, I'm surprised I could remember half the time. I should have brain damage by now. Of course, Gabby SAYS..."

"Ya gotta quit listenin ta those jerks who bad mouth ya, Joxie."

"I will, if you will."

"Ow! Shit." Strife had been cleaning his nails with a knife point. At Joxer's quiet response, he'd flinched minutely, and nicked his pinkie. He sucked the finger briefly, eyeing Joxer, his expression unreadable. Finally he said, "I don't bad mouth ya, Jox. Not fah a long time now, anyways."

"You know what I mean."

"Nah, I don't." There was a stubborn tinge to Strife's tone.

Joxer sighed. "Strife, I'm aching right now, so let's not argue about it, okay? I know a little about this. I'm not as oblivious about myself as some people think. When most of the known universe constantly tells you that you're crazy, stupid, worthless, etcetera, etcetera, you react one of three ways. You totally shut yourself off from the world, closing up like a clam to the point where it's a miracle if you say a dozen words a week. You tell everyone how marvelous you are, and how wrong THEY are, even if you don't believe it yourself. That's me. Or you speak the party line. That's you."

Strife stared at Joxer. He said slowly, "I ain't sayin yer right. Ya got that, Jox? What ain't I sayin?"

"You're not saying I'm right," said Joxer dutifully.

"Remembah that. I WILL say that ya undahstand more about tha mind than that bitch Psyche evah did."

"Thank you." Joxer shifted. "Could you please call one of the attendants?"

"Why?"

"Because I feel silly just hollering. I keep picturing them rolling their eyes and saying, 'oh, no, it's HIM again. I'm going to set his chamber pot in a tub of snow before I bring it to him.'"

"Okay, I'm rememberin that one, but I meant why do ya want me to call them? Ya need somethin?"

"I need to use the jug."

"I can take care of that." Strife picked up the water jug and started to pour out a mug full.

"Not that jug, Strife."

"Nah?" He looked puzzled. Joxer cleared his throat, then tipped his chin toward the curve-necked pot Ares had helped him use before.

Strife picked it up and peered at it. "Whathafuck?" Then his expression cleared. "Oh, I remembah this from that time Mom got pissed an' tried ta remove my kidneys. Okay, I can do this."

"You don't have to, Strife. You can just call one of the attendants."

"Jox, have ya stopped ta think that Apollo might hear, an' decide ta see what was tha mattah, then offah ta *ahem* lend ya a helpin hand?"

Joxer quickly flipped down the sheet. "No cold hands, please." Strife made a show of blowing on his hand before he leaned over Joxer and began to help him with his elimination.

*Flash*

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Strife jumped, and Joxer yelped. "Makin a fuckin mess, an' givin Joxer more aches when he really don't need 'em! Geez, Unc, are ya TRYIN ta make me turn tha poor guy inta a eunuch?"

Ares paused, quickly taking in the scene before him. All he'd seen when he'd transported into the room was Strife bending over Joxer, who had the sheet down around his knees again, and an embarrassed look on his face. His first thought had been, *Son of a bitch, not him, too!* As was not uncommon in his life, he'd spoken before he'd thought. Strife was just lucky that he hadn't reacted even more in character and acted before he spoke. Apollo would have given him Tartarus about the mess he'd have left on the walls, and Strife would have been spending some time here himself.

A second after the angry question had left his lips, he'd seen the pee jug in Strife's hand. Now he noticed that there were splashes of fragrant liquid bathing Joxer's thighs, and beginning to soak into the mattress. Ares knew that at Strife was waiting for some sort of explanation. *He isn't getting one. Since when do I have to explain myself to anyone?* Instead, Ares said, "We can't risk urine getting on that wound." He got a cloth from the table, poured water into the basin, and began to wipe Joxer clean.

Strife watched, eyebrows slowly climbing toward his hairline, as the God of War washed pee off the man who was generally held to be his sorriest follower. *His sincerest, maybe, but since when has that evah ground any mustard seeds with Ares?*

"Shit," Ares muttered. "Some of it got on the bandage. That'll have to be changed."

"Ya want me ta call...?"

"No!" Ares was curt. He looked at Joxer. "Are you up to traveling?"

"Well, I can't walk, and horseback riding is out. I might be able to manage in a cart, as long as it wasn't too bumpy. Maybe if it had those shock-absorber things Salmoneous has talked about..."

"Is it possible for you to answer a simple question WITHOUT making an epic out of it? I meant transporting."

"You mean," he waved his hand, "Brrrzapt, sparkle, sparkle, where'd he go?"

Strife giggled, and Ares shot him a glare. "Yes."

"No, don't think I'm up to that. I have this little fear of being hurled through space. Call me silly, but..."

"Help me pick him up, Strife. I don't want his leg to move any more than is necessary."

"Wait a second!" Joxer protested. "Don't I have any say in this?"

"No." To Ares' surprise and Strife's vocal delight, Joxer got a mulish expression on his face and grabbed on to the bed frame on either side. "Oh, for... Would you rather stay here and wait for Apollo to declare you 'fit for exercise'?" Joxer's eyes got round, and he held out his arms. Ares felt a peculiar twinge. When was the last time anyone had reached for him with such quick trust? *Cupid. It would have to be Cupid when he was little, and he'd scraped his knee, or had a bad dream. But this is different, somehow.* "I'll support his upper body. Strife, you take care of his legs--and be CAREFUL."

"Like ya need ta tell me. Where we goin? We sure don't want fah you to end up in Athens an' me end up in Corinth. I got no idea what would happen ta Joxer, but I have a feelin it would be messy an' not too pleasant."

"My room. On the count of three. One, two, three."

*Flash*

*Urp*

Ares grimaced. "Crap."

Strife wrinkled his nose, though he was lookin distinctly green himself. "Nah, I've seen some funky crap, but that's DEFINITELY upchuck."

Ares rolled his eyes at his nephew. "Now it isn't just his leg I need to clean."

Joxer was even paler than he had been. "Well, I'm sorry, but I haven't felt anything like that since the time I tried to ride Argo, and a wasp lit on her rump just about the time she decided to throw me." He looked down at himself. "I haven't had anything but broth and thin porridge since this happened. Where the Tartarus did all that come from?"

Ares looked at Strife, who glared back at him. "Don't look at me. I dint even hurl, an' I'm gonna hafta burn these leathahs."

Ares grunted, then looked at his bed. A sheet of linen appeared over the black sheets. "Let's get him situated." They carefully settled Joxer on the bed. "Strife, I have an errand for you to run while I get him cleaned up."

"He really wishes you'd stop talking about him like he was a chair," said Joxer.

Ares had been heading for the door, with Strife in tow. He stopped and looked back at Joxer. His tone irritated, he said, "What?"

Joxer looked surprised at himself, but said, "I'm not an inanimate object. Even Gabrielle doesn't talk around me like I'm part of the furniture." There was a pause. "Not much."

"Fine. Joxer, I will be going to get what I need to clean you up. I will be back shortly. Is that all right with you?" Ares said sardonically.

He felt that strange twinge again as Joxer gave him a shy smile. "Thank you. I don't enjoy wearing vomit. It's happened a time or two when I had too much ale, and believe me, if you let it dry you'd better not plan on sneaking up on anyone for at least a month, because your infamy precedes you, if you know what I mean." Ares was staring at him. "Right. Epic. Sorry. Hurry back." He winced. "I wasn't trying to order you around. It's a generic farewell that indicates that you're looking forward to seeing someone again in the near future, and..." Ares was still staring. "Is it me, or is it chilly in here?"

"I suppose it could be because you're naked," drawled Ares. He flicked his finger, and a thick fur throw cover Joxer, neck to toes. He nodded at Strife, and they went into the hall.

Joxer waited till they were gone, then thumped his head back into the soft pillow several times, muttering, "Babble, babble, babble." *Now he not only thinks I'm klutzy, I've added brainless. When I recover he'll bring me back to earth, hopefully not by just kicking me off the side of Olympus, and tell me not to clutter up his temples again. What am I going to do if that happens? Worshipping him is pretty much the only constant thing I've ever had in my life. Well, that and being treated by most of the world like I'm as welcome as a case of hives, and I like worshipping him a lot better than that. Though I guess I haven't been all that much of a worshipper, either. I mean, look at the offerings I've been able to bring--a pretty rock, some food, wine--and THAT from the second pressing...* Joxer didn't remember that he'd often gone hungry to offer the food, and that the wine was cheap because it had cost his last dinar.

He sighed, closing his eyes. *I wish there was something special I could give him. Something worthy.*

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Out in the hall, Ares told Strife. "Go back to Apollo's temple and get all the bandages and cleansing cream that you can."

"What--ya think they'll just hand it ovah ta me?"

"Are you kidding? They'll hand you their nuts, Strife. They're scared shitless of you."

Strife laughed. "Ya, but it's more fun ta steal it."

"I don't care how you do it. Leave him a little, in case someone else needs it, but don't skimp. He can mix more of the cream up easily enough, and he can always shred his dress robes for bandages. Oh, and you know that potion that speeds healing?"

"I oughta. Ya got any idea how many jugs of that stuff I've had ta swill down?"

"Bring some of that, too."

"That may be more difficult. He hordes that shit closer than Midas did before he got tha goldfingah."

"If you don't think you can get it..."

"Please do not insult me. Of COURSE I can get it." He rubbed his palms together gleefully. "I love a good challenge." He flashed away.

Ares got water, soap, and cloths from the bathing chamber. *I wonder when that wound will be healed up enough for him to bathe? Of course when he CAN bathe, I don't see how I can let him do it alone. He wouldn't be able to get in and out of a small tub, and he'd likely drown in the bathing pool. I wonder which one would be best? I can probably lift him in and out of the tub, but then, I could carry him in and out of the pool.* He paused, a dreadful though occurring to him. *But what if I slipped? He could be hurt even more badly, and he'd think I was some sort of clumsy oaf. Maybe the tub would be best.*

As he re-entered his room, it didn't occur to Ares that he was just assuming that this Joxer was going to be in his household until he was completely healed--or just how long that might be for a mortal. Ares materialized a table beside his bed, setting the basin down. Joxer had his eyes closed. "Joxer, are you asleep?" *Oh, INTELLIGENT. He won't be if he answers, will he?*

Joxer opened his eyes. "Just thinking." *I kept the answer to only two words! I can do this.* "I do that a lot. Gabby says that letting my mind wander shows a lack of focus, and I'll never get anywhere if I don't..." *Maybe I can't do this.*

"Joxer, has it occurred to you yet that Gabrielle is not an authority on anything, most especially character?"

"She says that she's very careful about character development in her stories, but I told her that... Well, take how she represents you. She makes you out to be a violent, arrogant, selfish, devious, power mad near lunatic. And I told her, 'Gabby, you're not being fair. Sure, he's a little rough around the edges, but look at his JOB. He couldn't be all sensitive and 'let's hold hands and sing and pet bunnies', because if he did all sorts of things could happen that might be just as bad as war.' And she goes, 'What could possibly be worse than war?', and I said, 'Oh, famine is pretty bad. And it would be bad if some of the rulers who thought it was fun to kill off all their subject were never deposed, and... and...'" He trailed off.

Ares was looking at him in near astonishment. "And?"

"I don't know. That's when she knocked me out."

"I'm going to have a talk with Strife about her. I need to get you cleaned up and change your bandage now." He pushed down the spread and wet the cloth.

Joxer said, "I think I can do that without it hurting too much."

'I think I can do it without it hurting at all. Just lay still." Ares began washing Joxer, and this time his movements were not quite as brisk as they had been before. When he was done he dried Joxer with a soft cloth. He noticed a dozen small scars scattered over Joxer's chest, most of them scattered around his nipples. He touched one. "How did you get these? They don't look like any battle wound I'm familiar with."

"They aren't from a battle."

"An accident, then?"

Joxer's voice was bleak. "No, it was deliberate, all right."

Ares was opening his mouth to ask about that when Strife reappeared, his arms loaded down. "Where ya want it, Unc?"

"Drop it on the table over there for the time being." Strife obeyed, and Ares said, "Did you get the potion?"

"Look, I know Autolycus claims ta be tha King of Thieves, but I can claim at least Prince." He reached into his shirt and pulled out a vial of lavender liquid. "He had it in a vault behind a portrait of himself. Shock, shock."

Ares helped Joxer sit up and offered him the vial. Joxer drank, then smacked his lips. "Boy, that's better than the others. Tastes fruity."

Ares pulled a knife from his belt and bent, making ready to slip the blade under the bandage. He paused, glancing up at Joxer. "Don't worry--I won't hurt you."

Joxer gazed back at him. "I know." *HOW do I know? I was ready to jump out of my skin when Apollo was cutting off the bandages, and he's probably as skilled with sharp objects as Ares--in a different way. But I just know.*

Ares undid the bandage, and scowled. "Damn it! You're bleeding again."

Strife came over. "Not too much. Blot 'im down good an' smear on plenty of tha salve," advised Strife. "It's styptic if that bleedin ain't too bad."

Ares blotted away the rivulets of blood, then peered at the wound. "It stopped." He quickly dressed the wound, slathering the ointment on in the hopes of preventing the pad from sticking again, and rewrapped it. "Are you hungry?"

"You know, I haven't really had much of an appetite since the hydra, but all of a sudden I'm STARVED. I could eat an oxen."

"Not unless it's boiled to rags and put through a grinder--twice."

Joxer made a face. "C'mon. I'm ready for a loaf of bread, a big chunk of cheese, and about half a suckling pig."

Strife started giggling, and Ares said ominously, "One remark about 'suckling' and you'll be asking Artemis for a ride home, because I will put you on the moon."

"Yer crampin my style, Unc."

"Someone has to." Ares held out his hands, and a steaming bowl of bread and milk appeared. He sat beside Joxer, prepared to feed him.

"Can't I at least have pudding, or something?" Joxer asked plaintively.

"If you do well in the next day or two, we'll see."

Strife said loudly, "I'm gonna go crash, unless ya need me, Unc."

"No, go on."

"Check." Ares had lifted the first spoonful and held it toward Joxer. Strife twiddled his fingers behind Ares' back, pointing at the bowl, then he mouth, 'G'wan.'

Joxer squinched his eyes, and accepted the first spoonful. His eyes flew wide open. *Honey. Lots of it.* Strife grinned, and nodded as he left the room.

Ares sounded satisfied. "Not so bad, is it?"

Joxer smiled at him. "Nope. Not bad at all." He ate the entire bowl with relish.

When it was finished, Ares disposed of the utensils. "Brace yourself."

"Why? What's going to...? Whoops! Damn, that felt funny! What was it?"

"I just got rid of the clean-up sheet. Couldn't very well leave it there." Ares started to strip.

"Uh, Ares?"

"Yes?" His vest hit the floor.

"Ares, I..." He was pulling off his boots. "I think..." Ares tossed them casually aside. "I mean..." He had unbuckled his belt and was sliding it from it's loops. "Do... did Dite ever complain about you leaving your clothes laying around?"

"Her things were usually mingled with them. We were too preoccupied to worry about neatness if it had reached the shedding clothes stage."

"Why are you taking off your clothes?"

"Do you wear all your clothes when you sleep at home?"

"I haven't had a home since I was fifteen."

Ares paused in unfastening his pants. "You ran away from home at fifteen?"

"My brothers did it when they were fourteen, and I didn't run away. My father threw me out."

Ares gritted his teeth. "We're going to have to have a long talk soon. Anyway, I sleep in the nude, so the clothes come off."

"You--you're going to sleep here?"

"It's MY bed." Joxer was staring at him. "Oh, Tartarus! Look, I'm not going to rape you. Despite what Gabrielle may have told you, I DO NOT rape. For one thing, I don't have to. For another, it's a damn sight better if my partner enjoys himself."

Joxer's eyes were huge. "Himself?"

Ares blinked, then shrugged. "Himself, herself, themselves."

"Themselves?"

"Oh, for... Joxer, that bed is big enough so that I might as well be in the next room unless I -choose- to be close. Don't worry about it, okay?" He shoved down his pants.

*Nakedhe'snakedI'mseeingAresnakedohgodsandgoddessesdon'tstaredon'tdroo ldon'tgethardwhydidIthinkTHAT?!*

The torches went out, plunging the room into darkness. The bed was so wide that Joxer didn't feel it dip. He didn't realize that Ares had gotten into bed till he heard Ares say, "You're so tense I can almost feel you vibrating. Relax, and go to sleep."

*Ha. Easy for you to say.*

Not really.

Part Six
Recovery

*Mmm. I must've really lucked onto a soft piece of ground last night.* Joxer shifted. *And the blanket feels extra smooth, too. Must've been that pounding it on a rock the last time I washed it.* He shifted again. *Oo, it's nice and warm. Is the sun already up? I hope Xena and Gabby haven't gone off an left me again. I mean, it's considerate of them to want to let me sleep, but...* Shift. *Something smells nice.*

"Will you be still? I'd like to sleep a little longer."

The only thing about Joxer that moved were his eyes. They popped open and cut quickly to the side. Ares was lying next to him, face down, *and that weight across my belly would be... let me check," his eyes darted down, then returned to the ceiling, *his arm. Okay, Joxer, don't panic. Sure, you're currently helpless and pinned down by a being with near infinite powers, who is likely to zap you into pieces that would easily fit through the mouth of a wine bottle should he realize that you're getting warm tingles. But look on the bright side--maybe Hades will let you relive these few seconds for the rest of eternity. Aside from the terror, it's pretty nice.*

"You're babbling mentally, aren't you?" Ares' face was turned away, but his voice was darkly amused.

"No, I was just... Uh, I was wondering, did Chronos REALLY swallow his children whole?"

Ares turned on his side, facing Joxer. The dark sheets were down around his waist, and he casually scratched at the hair on his chest. "Yes. And if Rhea had just allowed him to go ahead and swallow Zeus, a lot of crap would have been avoided, because I'm sure dear old Dad would have given him a massive case of indigestion, and he'd have vomited up everyone anyway."

"What must your family reunions be like?"

"Pray that you never know." He studied Joxer. "You seem to be feeling much better."

"I am, thank you. I don't ache at all." He sounded surprised.

Ares grunted, then sat up, running his hands through his hair. "I have to go oversee negotiations between a couple of warlords. I'd leave it to Strife, but sometimes he gets carried away, and I don't want to end up with a couple of battalions decimated because one side thinks the other has insulted their mothers. If I don't want all-out warfare, he's better as a back-up. If I set you up before I go, will you be all right till lunch time?"

"Yes, I'll be fine."

Ares had gotten out of bed. Joxer didn't have to worry about where to look for long, because he dressed in the divine fashion--with a thought. "Think you can eat some toast and eggs without re-using them as decorations for my sheets?"

"I think I can manage a few slices of toast, and maybe a couple of softly scrambled eggs." Ares nodded, and held out his hands, palms up, preparatory to materializing the food. "Or three eggs. No more than four, anyway. With a little cheese, and some of those nice, skinny green onions." Ares cocked an eyebrow. "That's all." He lifted his hands again. "Unless it would be too much trouble to whip up a few sausages to go along with that, or some bacon. I'm not sure which would be, um, more digestible, so it might be better to have both." Ares tipped his head. "Thank you. That should do it." He lifted his hands. "But if you happen to have some fruit, or a few honey cakes just laying around, I could force them down." Ares stared. "Really, I don't want to be any bother."

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"All right..."

"That bread and milk yesterday was pretty good."

Ares growled. A table suddenly appeared--one that straddled the bed completely, and was spread with an assortment of food stuff that could have comfortably fed a troupe of bandits. "Eat what you want, and it will vanish when you're done. The jug is within reach. Don't wiggle around too much, and if you have to throw up, do it over the side of the bed."

*Flash*

The opposing sides wondered why Ares was laughing so hard when he appeared, but decided to take it as a good omen.

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Joxer had eaten a hearty breakfast--heartier than he was used to. Xena always shared whatever she had, but rabbit and fish was a pretty sparse diet, even in the best of times. Joxer had seldom actually been able to eat as much as he wanted at one sitting, and when he finally lay back from the table, he was burping contentedly, and replete. True to Ares' promise, the table vanished, but not before he managed to grab a last apple--in case he needed a snack.

After a while he found that he was tossing the apple up and catching it, pretending that he was juggling. He'd once watched a member of a troupe Jayce was traveling with juggle two daggers, a hatchet, and a goose egg. Joxer had tried to recreate the feat after the show and had literally ended up with egg on his face. That hadn't bothered him as much as the lump on his head and the gash in his big toe. Jayce had scolded him as he bound up his wounds, saying, "You try to be a little bit of everything, Yoxie. If you try to be everything, how are you ever gonna know WHAT you are?"

While he was distracted by the memories, the apple landed square between his eyes, and bounced away. "Ow!" When he could see straight again, he felt around in the sheets for the apple. It wasn't anywhere within reach. Then he spotted it--lying on the floor, several feet from the bed. "Tartarus!" Joxer stretched his arm out toward the fruit. *Oh, right. I'd have to have arms like one of those orange-tang-tang beasts from Sumatra.* He stretched again. *Or maybe an octopus.* He lay back down with a sigh. *I guess I'll just have to wait till someone comes and gives it to me.* He stared up at the ceiling. *I don't really want it right now.* *pause* *It's not even ripe--it would have squished instead of bonked if it was.* *stare* *Maybe if I hang onto the sheets...*

He wrapped one fist in the top sheet, stretched his arm toward the apple, then carefully leaned out...

...and found out that Ares didn't tuck his top sheet under the mattress.

"Ow." *Dammit, he's a god, why doesn't he have rugs, so the floor wouldn't be so cold the first thing you get out of bed? Of course, he probably doesn't usually get out of bed by falling on his ass, but still. Shit, I bet I've done it now. I've probably torn the wound open, and now I'll bleed to death before Ares comes home, and he'll find me all pale and tragic looking in a pool of gore, and he'll think that it's a shame that such a loyal worshipper had to die so young and why aren't I screaming in pain right now?*

Joxer sat up, moving cautiously, ready to freeze at the first stab of agony. It didn't come. There was the usual aches he got when he took a header out of bed (one advantage to sleeping on the ground, he often told himself), but nothing at all like what he'd been expecting. For the moment he ignored the cold slate against his bare bottom (it was warming up as the stone leeched away his body heat, anyway). Instead, he concentrated on his bandaged thigh. He bent down and stared intently at the bland white bandages, waiting for the blood to blossom. After a few minutes he sat back up, puzzled.

The next order of business was getting back into bed. He briefly considered just laying there, but decided that he didn't want to worry anyone. *But I'll stop if it hurts too bad, or if I can see blood,* he decided. He grabbed the edge of the bed, gritted his teeth, squeezed his eyes shut, and got ready to strain. He came up smoothly and easily, which would have been strange enough even on his best day. He found himself standing, with not a twinge. "Ooooh-kay, this is weird." He was reluctant to open his eyes, so he bent down and felt around for the apple. Bonking his head on the bedside table convinced him that wasn't the best idea. He sighed, rubbing his head as he picked up the apple. "This is more normal."

He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. Again, no pain. Joxer poked the bandage experimentally. Nothing. *Am I crazy, or didn't I have a big, fucking hole in my leg yesterday? I mean, like, bleeding buckets, makin' a mess, headed for Hades gouge. Let's see... Does this come under looking a gift horse in the mouth? But if the people of Troy had looked that big horse in the mouth, wouldn't they have figured out it was full of Trojans, and saved themselves a lot of pain?* He poked the bandage again--harder. Hard enough to thump. He winced. "Oh, now I feel better." *Maybe I should just sit here and wait for Ares to get back. He said he'd be back by lunchtime. I wonder how long it is till lunchtime? I could eat the apple.*

He started to take a bite, but stopped when his fingers squished through the peel. *Bleh. And I thought it wasn't ripe.* He set it on the table, and held his hand out, away from his body. *Great--now I'm dripping. I need to wash this off before it gets all in the sheets. He left a basin and jug over there on the other table. If I can stand up, maybe I can walk.*

Joxer got up and carefully shuffled forward a few steps. He tripped, and stumbled the rest of the way to the table. *Yep, everything normal here.* He washed his hands, and then just stood there a moment, bouncing on his heels, looking around the room. *I have a unique opportunity here. I'm alone in the House of War. I could probably find out all sorts of secret things, if I wanted to. If I wasn't worried about getting summarily executed.* He sat back down. A few minutes later he stood back up. *Or I could die of boredom. Maybe I'll just take a LITTLE peek out into the hall.* He opened the door, and a chilly breeze wafted against him. His balls immediately lodged a protest by trying to crawl back where they came from.

*Or I could die of cold. I wonder what happened to my clothes? I can't even think about borrowing some of Ares' clothes, even considering I wasn't worried about being flash fried when he found out, because I don't see anything around here that looks like a closet. Does he even NEED a closet? I mean, he did the whisk thing with his clothes this morning. Wait a minute...* He searched the floor. *Where did they go? I didn't see him pick them up.* *snort* *There's a concept--the God of War picking up after himself. Do they just melt away, like dew, and he replaces them each morning? This is fascinating, but if I don't get something between me and the breeze soon, I'm gonna look like one of those blue painted Picts from Brittannia.*

Even though Joxer was pretty sure that Ares wouldn't appreciate his sheets being used for anything but sleeping, he didn't know what else to do. He pulled off the top sheet and draped himself in it, doing a surprisingly artful job. He paused for a moment, lifted a swatch to his face, and sniffed. The scent was musky, spicy. *Ares. That's Ares I'm smelling.* He looked down in surprise at his crotch. "Don't YOU start! We're sick, remember?" He hastily tucked the tail end of cloth securely away and eased out into the hall.

The hall was long, with a couple of other doors along the sides, and a turning at each end. Joxer padded slowly in one direction, then the other, not sure of where he should go--if he should go at all. He opened one room and peered into a bathing chamber, with a central pool of steaming water. The next one interested him more. It led outside, and Joxer got his first real look at Olympus.

He wasn't impressed.

It was obviously supposed to be a garden, but it was neglected almost to the point of wildness. Joxer took a few steps out, blinking up at the bright sunshine. The sun was almost over head, so it should be lunchtime soon, but he wasn't really thinking about food. *Except,* he walked past a rosebush that was growing ragged, fragrant pink petals drifting down to the lush grass that rose high up on his calves, *that this would be a nice place for a picnic, if it was tended a little better.* There was a tiny pond that would have been pretty if some of the choking lily pads were cleaned out, and it was overhung by a willow that trailed lacy green fronds into the water. *Yes, this place could really bloom, with a little care. I wonder why it's so neglected?*

"JOXER!"

Joxer flinched, instinctively diving behind an azalea bush. *WhatdidIdonow?* There was a boom, and a flash emanated from the door he'd left open. *Oh, DAMN, he must be mad if I can see it all the way out here! I wonder if it would kill me to just dive over the side of Olympus?*

He stayed crouching for a few moments more, then he heard a voice calling, "Joxer! Joxer, if yer here, say somethin! C'mon, Joxer, this ain't no place ta play hide an' seek."

Joxer reluctantly got out from behind the bush, went, and peeked into the building. Strife was standing at the end of the hall. When he saw Joxer he hurried to him. "Quick! Ya gotta come with me!"

"Where?"

"Ta Apollo."

Joxer pulled back from Strife's grasp. "Don't wanna."

"Damn it, Jox, c'mere!" Strife grabbed him. "Unc thinks Apollo nabbed ya, an' there's gonna be war on Olympus if I don't get ya there ta show him it ain't so, so shut up an' hang on tight."

*Flash*

"DUCK!"

Joxer hit the floor, dragged down behind a sofa by Strife, just in time to miss the fireball that whizzed over them. Strife patted him on the back. "Ya gonna hafta learn ta be faster'n that if yer gonna hang around here."

"Can't I just go somewhere safe, like a battlefield? Maybe the Underworld? I hear things can be peaceful in Asphodel."

"Propaganda, kid."

Joxer realized that he heard very loud, very angry voices nearby.

"I cannot BELIEVE that you would just KIDNAP one of my patients! What if the wound reopens?"

"I'm taking care of him. I heard how you were groping him, 'Pol, and I won't have it. The poor nit needs to recuperate in peace."

"You aren't fooling me for a second, Ares. It's not my fault if you can't take care of your pets, and I have to patch them up. What are you going to do if he gets gangrene? He could lose that leg."

"I'm not exactly unfamiliar with wound treatment, and you're not fooling me, either. You only want him because..."

Strife popped up from behind the couch and bellowed, "Company!" He grabbed Joxer's shoulder and pulled him up, too. "Found 'im wanderin around yer backyard, Unc. See? All in one piece--still as pure as when ya left him." He looked at Joxer. "Ya are, aren't ya?"

"Why would you want to know...?"

"Just NOD," Strife hissed. Joxer nodded. "Now quit buildin up that power charge, Unc. Ya know Zeus will be pissed if ya do anythin nasty ta Golden Boy."

Ares flicked his fingers, and the red charge that had been building up on his palm dissipated. He stalked over to Joxer, leaned over the sofa (causing Joxer to lean back, and bump his head), and snapped, "DON'T DO THAT TO ME!"

"I... what... Okay."

"And lie down before you kill yourself."

Joxer started around the sofa, only to find himself swept up into Ares' arms. "I can walk! I can walk!"

"Shut up. I thought I told you not to wiggle around, Joxer."

"I wasn't wiggling. I only walk that way when my pants are too tight."

"I... I'm not going to discuss that right now." He lowered Joxer onto the sofa. "'Pol, get over here and examine him."

Apollo crossed his arms. "Oh, NOW you want my help."

Strife said, "'Pol, hello? Dedication ta tha well-bein of othahs? Remembah that?"

"Piss! All right, stand out of the way, Ares." Apollo went to the sofa. "Damn, Joxer, what's with the black? As pale as you are, you look like a Bacchae in that."

Strife rested his chin on the back of the sofa. "I like it. I think I'll call it 'goth'."

Ares peered around Apollo. "Is that one of my sheets?"

Joxer's voice was small. "I was cold."

Apollo started to raise the hem of the impromptu toga. It was moving toward the groin area when Ares reached out and caught Apollo's wrist. "That's high enough. Everything that you need to look at is uncovered."

"You're a pain in the glutes sometimes, bro. Let go so I can get on with this." Ares did. The shears appeared, and Apollo carefully cut away the dressing. "Judging from the outside of the bandage, I don't THINK there will be a major problem, but stand by to run for supplies." He spread the linen aside, leaning down to run a critical eye over the wound.

He blinked, and leaned closer. Ares tried to look, too, but his view was blocked. He didn't like the silence, though. "What? What's wrong?"

"Um... nothing, actually. That's what's puzzling me."

"Why should you be confused that he's healing?"

"Well, bro, to start with, healing is never a sure thing, not even with gods, dig? I've had things I thought should have cleared up in a couple of days linger for weeks, and vice-versa."

"And?"

"This has me stumped." He took a half step back, indicating that Ares should look.

Ares moved closer and looked. He stared. "I'll be damned."

"Probably," said Apollo dryly.

Where yesterday there had been ragged, gaping, still moistly red flesh, there was now an irregular, shiny, dark pink patch of skin. It was slightly textured, like plaster that had been carelessly smoothed, but it could undoubtedly no longer be classified as a wound. It was now a scar. "What the fuck happened?"

Apollo shrugged. "Search me. I'm good," he traced a finger around the perimeter of the scar. "But I'm not THAT good."

Seeking Balance, 7/?

"I don't get it," said Apollo. "I mean, this rate of healing is unprecidented, even on Olympus. Strife is the quickest healer we have, due to having SO MUCH of it to do, in my humble opinion..."

Strife cackled. *sniff* "Sorry, 'Pol, it's just you usin tha adjective humble ta apply ta anything about yerself. But yer right. It woulda taken me at least a week ta get ta this stage."

Apollo nodded. "And that would have been with the healing potion." Ares and Strife looked at each other. "You didn't." They shrugged. "You COULDN'T have! I had it cleverly hidden."

"Nice portrait," said Strife.

"STRIFE!"

Apollo reached for him. Strife ducked, but he didn't really need to. Ares intercepted his brother. "For once it's not his fault. I TOLD him to bring it."

Apollo threw up his hands, rolling his eyes skyward. Joxer, happy that they seemed to have forgotten about him for the moment, thought, *I know that when I do that, I'm sort of mentally appealing to the gods on Olympus to witness the crap that I'm going through. Why is he doing it? Is there someone we don't know about on a higher level? I'd better not think about that. My head already hurts from trying to keep track of what's going on.*

Apollo was thinking again. "Ares, I've never tried that on a mortal! There's no telling what sort of effect it will have on him."

"From what I can see it's only been a positive effect, so what are you worried about?" said Ares dismissively.

"Uh-huh. And what kind of effect do you think it's going to have on things when Zeus finds out Joxer is now immortal?"

"WHAT?" Strife fell down behind the couch. He could be heard giggling breathlessly. "Shut up, Strife. Apollo, how could this happen."

Again the eye rolling. This time Joxer studied the ceiling warily. "How do you think the healing potion works?"

"How should I know? That's your department. I don't ask Dite how her concoctions make people go all goopy, and I damn sure don't ask Hecate how HER'S do what they do."

Apollo looked at Joxer. "Joxer, how did that last dose of medicine taste?"

Joxer smacked his lips thoughtfully. "Surprisingly nice, actually. Sort of like a mixed fruit punch."

Apollo spread his hands in a 'you see?' gesture. When Ares didn't respond, he shouted. "Apples! Damn, this HAS to be willful ignorance, because you CAN'T be that stupid. Golden apples, Ares. Not a lot, but enough to do the trick for a mortal. Joxer, next time you see Uncle Hades, all you have to worry about is the proper form of address. He'll just be sending you back topside."

Ares sighed. "I can't believe..."

Joxer scrambled to his feet, face flushed. He yelled at Ares, "Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you? All I ever did was worship you, and... and..." He dashed out of the room, sheet flapping.

There was silence. Ares started after Joxer, but Apollo grabbed his arm (a pretty brave thing, when you think about it). "Hang on, Ar. He's upset right now. Give him a few minutes to himself."

"Are you sure he'll be all right?"

Apollo shrugged. "He's immortal, remember? Did you do something to him before Strife brought him back?"

"I left him eating breakfast, and he was gone when I got back. He seemed happy enough. How did we get from there to here?"

"It's strange. I've never heard of a mortal being upset when he found out he was gifted with immortality."

Strife climbed into view. "Maybe cause some mortals might view it as a curse instead of a gift. Ya evah think of that?"

Apparently Apollo hadn't. "He must not realize that eternal youth is included. I can see being upset if you'd have to go on and on, getting all wrinkly and decrepit."

"Not it eithah, Bright Boy. Eithah one of you two thought about what mosta Joxer's life has been like?"

Ares said, "Sure, a warrior's life is hard, but he chose it."

Strife shook his head. "Yer only partly right. It was chosen fah him. His dad dedicated him an' his brothahs to ya when they were still snot noses, remembah? Joxer DID decide ta continue once he grew up, cause it was all he knew, an' by then, well, you were his GOD, Unc. Joxer don't desert people he cares about, no mattah how much he's ignored, or kicked. Ya musta noticed that, right? How long has he been taggin along with Zeen an' Gabs, with nothin ta show fah his loyalty but thumps, condescention, contempt that they don't bothah ta hide, an' tha occasional fish dinnah or pat on tha head, when Zeen is feelin generous?"

"Hearing you put it like that, it makes me want to smash them myself," said Apollo.

Ares sounded doubtful. "It hasn't been THAT bad a life for him, has it?"

Strife shrugged. "Oh, he's been happier in tha last coupla years than he was before. His early life was really pissy, though. I don't know alla it, an' I had wunna his Dad's war horses kick tha old asshole in that nuts, then crush botha his kneecaps." Strife grinned. "I gotta special agreement with Gaia that his neighborhood has more cold, damp weathah than tha climate would usually support."

Strife clambered over the back of the sofa and sat on it. "Since Jox has been nekkid as a jay bird lately, I s'pose ya noticed tha numbah of scars?"

Ares nodded. "I asked, but he didn't want to talk about them. Do you have any idea how he got those lash marks on his calves?"

Strife's expression tightened. "Lessee... those were from tha time Jonas was beatin Joxer's mothah, an' Joxer tried ta stop 'im. Jayce an' Jett had already left home by then. I dunno what the woman had did ta piss Jonas off, but he prob'ly woulda killed tha sad bitch that time, if Joxer hadn't distracted him. First Jonas beat Joxer unconscious. Then he strung him up by his wrists an' spent tha next three days whippin him whenevah he had tha inclination, or energy. He also used anythin that was just layin around handy. Jonas finally let her cut Joxie down, an' she kept him alive, an' nursed him back. Joxer nevah was all that sturdy, ya know, an' he's been a little fragile evah since." Strife looked down at his lap, fingers working restlessly at the leather covering his thighs. "He begged her ta let him die. Said he hoped he could get inta tha fields, but he figured Tartarus couldn't be much worse than what he already had. She guilted him inta wantin ta stay alive."

Ares and Apollo were both regarding Strife with bemusement. This was the longest coherent speech either could remember their nephew making. Ares finally shook his head, as if clearing it. "I'd better go find him." He left the room.

Apollo sat next to Strife. "Since when have you been all sympathetic for a mortal's troubles."

Strife elbowed him. "Look, all children are mine, up to what some people laughinly call tha age of reason. When they start bringin grief down on their heads through their own powah, I lose mosta my interest in 'em. Joxer nevah reached that stage. Tha poor goofus has been a freakin' victim ALL his life, but he's nevah ceased ta believe that things'll get bettah if he just tries hard enough. Now, from most people, that attitude would make me wanna spit, but from Joxer--it's kinda... I dunno... Endearin, I guess. An' if ya tell anyone I said that..."

"I know, I know. Muses with PMS, snapped harp strings, dive bombing birds, loose wheels on my chariot..."

"Ta name only a few of tha delights I'll visit on ya. Deal?"

They shook hands. "Deal. And if YOU tell anyone about THIS..."

"Yer so cute when ya try ta be threatenin."

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Ares searched in a systematic manner. Finally he heard the soft murmur of female voices. *That'll be the Muses. Well, they aren't screaming, but maybe they've seen him. It's worth a shot.* Ares followed the voices. The scene he walked in on was... unexpected, to say the least.

Joxer hiding behind furniture while shrieking Muses threw pottery was believable. Joxer knocked out cold and trussed up would have been even more believable. Joxer, surrounded by petting, cooing Muses, who seemed to be attempting to kill him with kindness, was not believable at all, but there it was. He was ensconced on a comfortable sofa, with his head in the lap of Melpomene, who was stroking his short hair, her usually grave expression sadly tender. Urania was holding his feet, massaging them, carefully wiggling each toe. Euterpe was playing her flute and Clio was playing her lyre as Terpsichore danced before Joxer. Erato and Polyhemia were taking turns feeding the totally baffled new immortal grapes.

Calliope, the senior Muse, and Thalia, the youngest, spotted Ares, and hurried over, shoving him back out of the room before anyone else noticed. Out in the hall, Calliope hissed, "What have you been doing to that poor, sweet little man?"

Ares blinked. "I thought I was going to have to rescue him from you girls."

Thalia snorted. "Huh. It's not us he needs rescuing from. That poor baby. He comes flying into our room, and Mel asks him, very calmly, what he's doing in there, and he just wails, 'Why can't beautiful people ever be HAPPY to see me?'" She smacked Ares with her shepherdess crook.

"Ow! Why are you hitting me?"

"Well, he'd just come from being with you, silly, so you must've been the one he was talking about."

Ares shook his head. "He must've meant Apollo, but that doesn't make sense, either." He scowled. "Apollo would be just TOO damn happy to see Joxer." The two Muses exchanged looks, then started whispering together. Ares couldn't be sure, but he thought he caught the words 'Dite', 'cute', and 'clueless'. "What?"

They smiled at him. "Nothing," said Calliope. "We'd love to keep him, but Apollo draws the line at two footed pets. You'll have to take him home with you."

Ares looked into the room. Urania was trying to convince Joxer to let her paint stars on his toenails. "I don't know. He's immortal now, so there isn't much on earth that would be a threat to him, but up here... Zeus won't like it when he finds out."

"He'll be safe at your place," said Calliope confidently.

"I wish I could be sure."

"With all nine of us, Apollo, Dite, Strife, and Cupid distracting Zeus, he will. We might even get Persephone to kick in, since the fewer times Joxer Hades has to send Jox back, the more time he has to spend with Seph."

Ares eyed the two Muses suspiciously. "Why is everyone suddenly so co-operative?"

He didn't like the way Thalia was giggling. Too much like Strife when he was up to something. "Just keep him at your Olympic temple for a few months, letting him get adjusted to his new state, before you toss him out." She glared. "He's had enough of that in his life."

"I suppose I can do that. He's already proved he can keep himself amused." Ares walked into the room. "Joxer."

Joxer swallowed a grape the wrong way and started coughing. The seven Muses around him were immediately thumping him on the back and shoulders (or, in anxiety, anyplace they could reach). Consequently he was getting pretty lustily thumped. As she whacked him, gentle Euterpe was trying to reassure him. "Don't be scared, Joxer. Remember, you can't die now. Choking feels rotten, sure, but it can't kill you."

"Really, ladies, I'm okay," he said hoarsely. He caught whatever flying hands he could. "PLEASE don't distress yourselves over me."

"Are you ready to go now?" asked Ares. His voice was more subdued than usual. Calliope and Thalia went around, whispering in the ears of their sisters. Soon all of them were looking at Ares with small, secret smiles. "I'd really like to get home. I feel like I'm about to be overwhelmed by estrogen." Joxer gave him a questioning look. "I don't know. It's something female, like testosterone is something male. Strife is continually bringing back unearthly concepts from the future. It just sounded right in this instance." Joxer stared at him doubtfully. Ares held out his hand. "Joxer?"

Joxer had never heard his name said like that. It was as if there was a whole string of thoughts and feelings, a whole epic poem of a story, in those two syllables, Ares said it in just that tone. *I think I might be able to figure it out if I just sat with him for a long, long time, and listened to him say it over and over again. That won't happen. But maybe if I go with him I can hear it one more time--if I'm lucky.* He gently disengaged himself from the Muses and stood up, going to stand beside Ares. He bowed to the women. "Ladies, I'm sorry I intruded, and I thank you for your kindness."

"It's all right, Joxer," said Melpmene softly. "You come back and see us sometime--some time when you're feeling better."

Ares took Joxer's hand. Joxer looked down at them, then up at Ares. "I have to transport us." *Why am I explaining this to him? * "I know it makes you sick, but we can't go walking around outside right now."

"It's okay."

*Flash*

The Muses started chattering happily. Erato said, "So, which one of them do you think will snap to it first?"

Melpone said, "Joxer. He already knows he loves Ares. He just doesn't know he's IN LOVE with him."

"Is it just going to be a fling, or are they going to STAY together for a few decades?" asked Polyhymia. "I already like the little guy, and I don't want to get too attached if he's going to be sent away in just thirty or forty years."

Calliope said, "I'd say it's going to last, and it's going to be HOT. After all, Aphrodite AND Cupid are involved. Now, lets come up with suggestions as to what to do to that snot bard who's been so mean to him."

"Oo, oo! I know!" Thalia waved her hand. "Every comic writer in Greece is suddenly going to start naming all their most haggish female characters Gabrielle!"

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

*Flash*

They had appeared in Ares study. "Sit down." Joxer took one of the chairs before Ares' desk. He was a little surprised when the War God didn't go behind the desk, but instead too the chair beside him. Ares materialized a cup of wine and offered it to Joxer. "Here. You probably need this." Joxer took the wine and gulped it down. "That's some of Dionyses' best, Joxer. Do that again, and you'll probably slide right out of that chair." He tapped the side of the cup again, and it refilled. "I mingled that one with some water. Sip it."

Ares slumped more comfortably in his chair, stretching out his legs and crossing them at the ankles. "I'm still not entirely sure how you got it into your head that I purposefully did something to hurt you."

Joxer flushed. "I'm sorry. I was sort of freaked out."

"Learning you're never going to die can do that to you, I suppose. Joxer, I was trying to make you live, I wasn't trying to make you live forever. Immortality isn't something to be handed out willie- nillie. As a matter of fact, Zeus sees it as his own personal perogative. Any god or goddess who wants to bestow immortality on a particularly worthy mortal has to go through an approval process that you wouldn't BELIEVE! Lots of times the mortal in question just goes ahead and dies of old age before a decision is reached." He cocked his head. "Eventhough it was a mistake on everyone's part, you sort of slipped in under the wire, and Zeus would NOT appreciate that. I'm sure you can understand why it would be better to keep this information from him for as long as possible."

"You get no arguements from me there."

"Good. Then you see that it's essential that you stay here."

"Wouldn't I be better off farther away from him, on earth?"

"Think, Joxer. You're in all sorts of dangerous situations on Earth. It's a miracle that Hades hasn't already sorted you. If you keep dying, then reappearing, don't you think that rumor will get back to Zeus?"

"There is that. Gabrielle alone would spread it over Greece, because she wouldn't be able to resist writing a few ballads about it."

"So you'll stay here till things are sorted out."

"Okay. And I was wondering... You know that garden?"

Ares frowned. "I had that for Aphrodite when she was expecting Cupid. I haven't been out there in ages."

"I was wondering. I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands. Do you suppose I could sort of work with it?"

"Why?" Joxer's expression, which had been brightening, drooped. "I'm not saying no, I'm just curious. If you really want a good garden, I could ask Demeter or Gaia if they'd whip it into shape for you."

"Oh, no, please!" Joxer said quickly. "I'm not ungrateful for the offer, it's just that... Well, I was allowed to tend the vegetable gardens when I was a kid..."

*Allowed? I bet you were strapped to within an inch of your life if Jonas thought you weren't being busy enough.*

"...but I was never allowed to do anything with, like, ornamental plants. Since I left home, I've never been in any one place long enough. Since I'm going to be here for awhile, I thought it would just be nice to grow something, and know that -I- was the one who was tending it, helping it along."

"I don't see any reason why not. Just let me or Strife know what you need, and we'll get it for you." Joxer beamed, and Ares blinked. *It's like Apollo driving his chariout out from behind a cloud when he does that.* "Anything else?"

Joxer nodded, then said hesitantly, "If it isn't too much trouble." Ares shrugged. "If I'm going to be staying, and I'm not going to be bedridden, can I please have some more clothes? I'd like some pants. This sheet is very smooth, but it's also kinda drafty."

Ares tilted his head, studying Joxer. "Are you positive that your wound isn't giving you ANY discomfort?"

"Not a twinge." Joxer shivered as a crackle of red static ran over him, from head to toe.

"I can't do anything about the hair--that'll just have to grow back by itself, though why the healing potion didn't regenerate it, I'll never know."

Joxer looked down at himself. He was wearing a simple white linen shirt, and brown leather pants and boots. "Wow! I haven't had anything this nice since my last set of 'go to temple' clothes when I was a kid!" He hopped up to try out the boots, walking slowly across the room. "And these boots are... are better than SEX! Um, well, maybe not THAT good, but BOY, are they comfortable! Can I go out and look at the garden again? I want to start planning what I'm going to do with it."

"Just stay out of the audience room."

"Will do!"

Joxer walked out slowly, again keeping his eyes admiringly on his new footwear. He didn't notice how closely Ares was watching him. When he was gone, Ares muttered, "I'll be damned. He DOES wiggle in tight pants."

Part Eight
Settling In

Ares stood, glanced upwards, and called, "Eris!"

There was a crackle, and his twin appeared, looking impatient and irritated, as usual. "What's up, and make it quick. I left a hot king of thieves tied up behind the altar at one of my temples. If I don't hurry, he'll be limp where it counts, and stiff where it won't do me any good."

"There's going to be someone around for the next two or three months. No killing or maiming, and try not to scare him shitless, if you can help it."

"What? Did you have a 'win a vacation with your god' contest for your mortal warlords?"

"No, it's a worshipper I'm... uh... sort of doing a favor for."

Eris had been preparing to transport, not really expecting any kind of substantial answer, and now she paused. "You mean a plain old mortal-mortal?"

Ares chewed his lip. "Not exactly."

Now she sat down. "Ar, they either are, or they aren't. There isn't a whole hell of a lot of in between."

"Well, he's human, but he's not mortal anymore."

"Oh, crap. You didn't leave a golden apple laying around, did you? Zeus will be PISSED--not to mention Gaia."

"I don't think we have to worry about Gaia. Any woman with the least bit of softness in her heart seems to direct it toward him."

"Joxer, huh?"

He stared at her. "How the TARTARUS do you know that?"

She shrugged. "I've had a few chances to gut him, and for some reason I never do. I can't explain it. I guess part of it is because he's good comedy relief. Oh, and he's terrific at spreading chaos, whether he means to or not, but this is going some, even for him. How did this happen?"

Ares explained the situation as quickly and as plainly as possible, but he found that he was rambling a little verbally. "And now I think his speech mannerisms are rubbing off on me. Are you SURE you didn't have twins when you had Strife and just misplace one of them?"

"You think Hera would have let me get away with that? Okay, he's safe enough from me, and I'll kick in with the misdirection if it looks like His Royal Goatiness is getting suspicious." She stood up. "But you'd better figure out what you're going to do with him, bro. Let him hang around too long, and people will start to talk." She flashed away.

Ares thought of the Muses, Aphrodite, and Cupid. "What do you mean START?"

Ares went in search of Joxer, and found him outside. The new immortal was walking around the perimeter of the garden, muttering to himself intently. *That's it--he's crazy.*

As he approached, though, Ares listened more closely. "Let's see-- nice even rectangle. Maybe I can plant bushes along the wall to hide them. Not all the same kind, though--that would look too formal, too stiff. Not roses, but I'll have roses scattered through the garden. Azalea, laurel, forsythia, hydrangea. Boy, a lot of them end in 'eeah', don't they? Oo, and hibiscus, LOTS of hibiscus! They have such vivid colors. Will they grow here?"

"Everything will grow here, Joxer. Just tell me what you need, and I'll have Gaia take care of it."

Joxer didn't seem the least startled. He said quickly, "But would you ask her to just bring the seeds, or bulbs, or slips, or whatever they are, and not just zap them into full growth? I mean, I'd appreciate the effort, but I'd kind of like to... I like to see little things grow."

"Most of the divinities don't bother with that, aside from Gaia and Hera."

"Really? But you have all the time--you could see it ALL. I mean, you could watch a tree go from an acorn to an oak as thick as a barrel. Why don't the gods like that? It's amazing, and after all, you all are pretty much responsible for things like that."

"I don't know, Joxer. I guess that we've just seen it for so long that we've sort of forgotten how amazing it can be." Joxer was on his knees, and as Ares spoke, he was carefully pulling weeds from around several rather sickly looking plants. "What are you doing now?"

"These are daffodils, but they're almost choked out. After I pull these weeds, they'll get the space and sunlight they need, and bloom."

"So that's your first campaign--to get rid of all the weeds?"

"No, no!" He reached out and touched a vivid yellow blossom, with scalloped leaves. "What would a garden be without a few dandelions? What would children pick to give their mothers? I like dandelions. I wrote a poem about them ones."

"Did you? Say it for me."

Joxer paused in his weeding, looking up in surprise. "You want to hear it?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"Gabby said it's just a nursery rhyme."

"Nursery rhymes are our first verses, Joxer. If a child doesn't love nursery rhymes, how can they learn to love poetry? Go on, let me hear it."

Joxer cleared his throat. He didn't look at Ares, fixing his eyes instead on the simple weed. "Every day the children pass, yellow coins upon the grass. Tiny suns or lemon pies--dandelions through children's eyes. Golden treasures, grown from seeds. Never call them only weeds." He shrugged. "I told you it wasn't much."

"You need to say that one for Bliss. He'll like it. Make a list of the tools and supplies you'll need, and I'll get them for you tomorrow. I'm sure I can get most of them from Demeter. She'll be happy to know that there's someone as interested in gardening as she is. I need to tell you about how the house operates. Have you seen the bathing chamber?"

Joxer nodded. "Wow. Does that pool stay hot?"

"Yes, unless you want it to be cool. You'll have to tell me if you do."

"No, hot is fine! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a hot bath? They charge like they're pouring molten gold at most of the inns."

"I may have to be away for a couple of days at a time, or even more, but if I'm not here, I'll make arrangements for someone to be bring you have food--Strife, Eris, Dite, Cupid--someone. I think that the Muses will be willing to set up a meals by chariot service, just for you. Now, sleeping arrangements." v "Um, yeah. If you have a couch or something around, I'll be fine. I mean, I've spent the last few years sleeping on the ground most of the time."

"And that's what you're comparing my hospitality to?"

"NO! I mean..."

Ares sighed. "I was making a joke."

"Oh."

"Or rather I was TRYING to. There's a room..." He was watching Joxer, watching his open expression become more guarded, and he came to a decision, mentally erasing the door to the (quite comfortable, if a bit dark) spare bedroom, "but it's sort of been in use as a, um, holding pen. It's kind of nasty--moldy straw, chains, bloodstains, you know... Not very cheerful. It would be better if you kept sleeping in my room for the time being."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I don't do much if I don't want to, Joxer. Haven't you noticed? Look, immortal or not, you don't need to be overdoing it so soon after you were hurt. That's enough work for today. I have to go throw the fear of myself into a general who's been getting a little lax. I'll leave a cold supper on the table in my room. If Phobos or Deimos show up, don't get spooked--the look almost as much like Strife as you look like your brothers. I think it might be a good idea to go ahead and give you a mark, so they and anyone else who drop by will know that you're off limits. Will you accept my mark, Joxer?"

Joxer blinked at Ares. His voice had suddenly gotten formal, and Joxer realized that this was not a casual question. *Taking a god's mark IS serious. It designates that you're theirs, and they don't just hand them out. I know that Dite really likes me, but even she hasn't asked that. And he could just TELL me he was doing it instead of asking. After all, I was dedicated to him when I was just a kid-- he's owned me since then.* He looked into Ares' dark eyes, trying to figure out just why he was doing this. Then he thought, *Who am I kidding? I'd have belonged to him even if I was dedicated to Zephyr.* "Yes."

Ares nodded. Joxer shivered slightly as Ares reached out and undid the first few buttons of his shirt, pushing it off his right shoulder. He placed his palm flat, just over Joxer's heart. "This will burn, Joxer. It can't be helped." Joxer felt the heat pass from Ares' hand and into his flesh. Joxer gritted his teeth, determined not to make a sound. It hurt as badly as that hot poker had, *but this is different, different from when Father did that, because Ares isn't TRYING to hurt me. He's doing this to keep me safe--for always.*

Ares pulled his hand away, and the pain started to fade immediately. Joxer looked down, and there was a dark mark, not much bigger than a dinar, just over his heart. It was simple and graceful, looking a little like two slightly curved shepherd's crooks, back to back. "Just show that to anyone who makes you nervous," Ares instructed. "They'll know that they're taking their life, immortal or not, in their hands if they harm you."

Joxer bowed his head. "I'll try to be worthy of it, my lord."

"I know you will."

*Flash*

Joxer used the bathing chamber, luxuriating in the steamy water for almost an hour. It was a treat to be able to stretch out instead of sitting in tepid water with his knees almost to his chest, listening to some inn owner banging on the door and telling him to get his ass out of the tub because the next customer was waiting. He had a leisurely dinner, then found some scrolls on a shelf in Ares' study. He was rather surprised to find that they were not treatises on strategy or weapons. One of them was an interesting history of Chin, and some of its philosophies. He'd never been able to afford anything like that himself, so he brought it to the bedroom and sat cross-legged on the bed to read it.

He was engrossed when he suddenly realized that there was a sizzling sound. He'd been rubbing his head absently, and there was a crackle of static electricity. "Ow!" He laid aside the scroll quickly, thinking, *Ares coming, and he's pissed.*

*FLASH!*

Ares appeared in the middle of the room. Joxer leaped up in alarm. The War God was wild-eyed, and clutching a gore dripping sword. His vest was split, and there was a shallow gash across his chest, blood smearing his chest and matting the dark hairs.

"I warned him!" he shouted. "I WARNED the stupid cocksucker. I knew he was a little unbalanced, but I had no idea he was THAT crazy."

"Ares, what happened?"

Ares shook the sword, and Joxer winced as blood droplets spattered his face. "I was just going to let him know that I was watching, that I knew he was second guessing my orders, and that I wasn't going to stand for it any more. I DIDN'T WANT TO FUCKING KILL HIM!"

"Why don't you let me take the sword? You could hurt yourself, waving it around like that." Joxer held out his hands.

Ares stared at him in disbelief. Joxer crooked his fingers. Ares handed the weapon over slowly. Joxer placed it on the table. "I'll clean this up for you after we get you taken care of. Come sit down and I'll get something to clean you up." Still watching Joxer, he went and sat on the bed, slipping off his vest while Joxer poured water into a basin and carried it over to the bedside table, concentrating so hard on not spilling it that the tip of his tongue poked out the side of his mouth.

Joxer sponged away the blood. "You've already stopped bleeding. I guess that's a god thing, huh?"

"Yes."

"Good. That jar--that's what you put on my wound, isn't it? I'll use that. I'm glad you didn't throw away the spare bandages. I think that they're long enough to wrap around your chest. I THINK so, but you are pretty broad across the back, and deep-chested. Actually, you're just sort of big, period. Do you have a hard time finding clothes that fit? No, of course not--you sparkle them up. That must be convenient.*

"Joxer, don't you want to know what I did?"

Joxer was measuring off lengths of linen strips. "I don't think I could keep a pad on that, so I'm just going to have to wrap enough layers so that it's covered. Gabby doesn't usually let me work with the bandaging. Usually the ones I tend end up looking like one of those Egyptian dead guys, except that they keep all their internal organs. You'll tell me if you think I should know. I'm sure you had a good reason. Can you lift your arms without it hurting too much?"

Instead of replying, Ares held his arms to his side, and Joxer began to wind the bandages around him. Every time Joxer passed the roll of cloth behind Ares and reached for it with his other hand, he almost embraced the War God. Ares watched the intent look on Joxer's face. "He thought he was going to depose me as God of War."

Joxer's head jerked up, and he stared into Ares' face in astonishment. "You're right--he WAS crazy."

Ares sighed, the rage and tension that had been ruling him since he'd had to draw his weapon seeping away. "He used to be a good general-- one of my best. I honestly don't know where it went wrong. Even his highest officers didn't know what he was planning. I spared them." Ares' expression twisted. "But he did it in front of his son, Joxer. His SON! The boy was only seventeen, he hadn't even been in his first battle." Ares rubbed his forehead. "Damn it. The boy believed in his father implicitly. When the general attacked me, he backed him up." Ares' voice dropped. "I had to kill him, too." Joxer was tying off the bandage. Ares touched it. "He was the one who gave me this, after I killed his father. What a waste. He'd have been a magnificent warrior some day. Hades will send him to the Fields. I just hope the father regains his senses in Asphodel, but you never know. There are plenty of insane shades."

"Ares? You're going to think I'm crazy for what I'm about to say. Heh. Why you be any different from most of the world. But I want to make a suggestion--let it go."

"What?"

"Let it go. You did what you had to do. Even if it hadn't been self- defense, you couldn't allow a maniac to take over your godhood. Would that have even been possible?"

"We don't discuss things like that."

"Understood. Anyway, you couldn't let such an important position fall into the hands of someone who was unbalanced. It would be too dangerous."

"Joxer, you ARE aware that most mortals think -I- am unbalanced?"

Joxer thought about this. "Things can be hard to understand when you're seeing them from the bottom. I mean, if you're standing at the foot of a cliff, it's easy to shout at someone on top, but you ought to admit that they're going to be able to see the army in the next valley that's sneaking up on you a lot sooner than you can. Um, not YOU, but... You know what I mean."

"Surprisingly enough, I do. Thank you, Joxer."

Joxer flushed. "Is that wine in that ewer over there? Why don't you take off your boots... Wait, I'll HELP you take off your boots--I know they can sort of stick sometimes. You can lay down, and I'll bring you some wine, then I'll clean your sword off for you before the blood gets all gluey, all right?"

*When was the last time someone volunteered to do something like that for me? I've had some offer to LICK my blade clean, but those sort always worry me a little.* "That would be appreciated."

"Okie-dokie. Stick out your foot." Ares lifted one foot straight out. Joxer turned his back to Ares, then stepped over the god's leg, gripping his boot. "Put your foot on my butt and push."

Ares stared. Joxer, legs slightly spread, straddling Ares' leg, bent over. Ares looked down at his fly. *Great. Wait until I'm wounded to get interested.* He put his foot against the leather coated buttocks and pushed. The boot popped off, and they repeated the action.

Joxer set the boots neatly beside the bed and brought Ares a goblet of wine. He watched as Joxer took more of the bandages and proceeded to clean his sword, working with patient thoroughness, and he suddenly realized that there was nothing more that he wanted to do than spend the rest of the night watching Joxer, and maybe listening to him rattle on about some nonsense.

Joxer looked up, catching his gaze, and smiled.

*Well,* thought Ares, *maybe ONE other thing.*

Seeking Balance, 9/?
By Scribe

The Next Morning

"Yer in a good mood t'day, Unc."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, when that sentry questioned ya, ya just hung 'im up in that tree."

"I put him at the TOP, and it's a TALL tree, Strife."

"Yah, but ya hung 'im by his belt insteada his intestines."

"You're right. Well, shit, I don't want to look like I'm changing my mind, but I don't want to look soft, either. Send him something to make it interesting."

"Bees, or loose boweled birds?"

"Mmm... both."

"I take that first remark back--yer a combination of good mood an' pissed off."

"I didn't sleep much last night."

Strife grinned at Ares. "How is he?"

"Pre-occupied with planning the garden, and..." Strife was giggling. Ares scowled, realizing the innuendo had gone right over his head. "I wouldn't know."

"Yet?"

"Just DROP IT."

"Well, if ya weren't knockin boots, what kept ya up? Does he snore? Kick? Drool?"

"He BREATHES."

"Most mortals do, Unc. I mean, now that he's immortal, he could prob'ly hold his breath a LONG ass time, but it's pretty uncomfortable, an' ya hafta CONCENTRATE. If he's too loud, just flip him on his side, an' that should quiet 'im down."

"He's not loud--he's just... THERE." Ares was staring off into the middle distance. "He sort of pulsates."

"Now yer bein weird."

Ares shook his head, as if to clear it. "I just mean that he's so close that I can feel his body heat, and if he accidentally touches me, I can feel his pulse beating, just under his skin."

Strife stared at Ares, knowing that the War God didn't realize what he was saying. *Son of a bitch. I knew Unc had tha hots fah Joxer, but he's got it BAD. Has Cupie been messin around in his Dad's love life? Much as Ares loves him, he'd pluck Cupe an' stuff a pillah if he thought Blondie was messin in his love life.*

"I have to go. Hephastus is working up a bunch of garden tools for him. I'm having him spell them so that they won't cut skin--just in case."

"Smaht move."

Hephastus was honing the blade of a hoe when Ares arrived. "Ares. I'll have this done in a moment. Are you sure you don't want me to put a self-sharpening spell on them? It'll save a lot of time."

"No. Joxer seems pretty set on doing things the mortal way."

Hephastus chuckles, running his thumb along the edge critically. "Imagine that--a human willing to do things the hard way. You won't find many of those."

"I get the feeling he's pretty unique."

"Really?" Hephastus began to bundle tools into a small, three- wheeled cart. "I made this for him, too--my compliments. I thought that he was one of three?"

"He's a triplet, but it's sort of like it is with Apollo and Artemis, or Eris and I--different similarities. Or is that similar differences?"

Hephastus was staring at him. "When did you stop making sense?"

"I have no idea. Is that all? I'm still not entirely comfortable with leaving him alone in my temple."

"I don't think he could really HURT it, Ares."

"I'm not worried about that--I'm worried about what might wander in. I gave him my mark..." he didn't notice Hephastus' surprised, speculative look, "but you know how quick some of the Olympians are. They might do something--THEN check. The Bacchae are particularly bad about that."

Ares took the tools and flashed away. Hephastus went home earlier than he had planned, and located his wife, who was carefully painting her toenails coral pink. He took over the job. "My dear, what is this about Ares and that human he's taken into his home?"

Dite's eyes narrowed. "Who told you about that?"

"I'm not sure. I think you did."

"Did I?" She relaxed. "That's all right, then. Poo, this is becoming one of the most open secrets on Olympus. Let's see, who do we REALLY need to keep it from? Zeus, of course. I'm not sure about Hera. She might keep the secret, just because she'd know that it would piss Zeus off. Then again, she might TELL him for exactly the same reason, so we'd better keep her out of the loop. Athena had better not know--she'll do anything she can to undermine Ares with Zeus. We probably don't have to worry about Bacchus, since Zeus doesn't give that vino veratis stuff much credit. Janus doesn't meddle, and Hecate is a witch, so she'll ENJOY having a secret..."

"Dear, if you're going to list every godling on Olympus, we'll be here till the Twilight. Do you want another coat on these?"

She kissed him. "No, that will do." *sigh* "This has to work out, Heph. I've been worried about Ares--he's been too wrapped up in his work."

"He IS War."

"Yes, but he's himself, too--aside from his godhood. I think he's been forgetting that. He NEEDS something else in his life, and Joxer is just perfect for that. If I can just get Ares to REALIZE that, he'll be so much more stable, and it'll be good for everyone." She giggled. "Except Zeus, of course. I can almost see the veins in his neck swelling now."

~~~***~~***~~***~~***~~***~~~

Ares hauled a dripping, choking Joxer up out of the pond. "Joxer, how in the name of Asphodel did you manage to do THIS?" He began untangling the slimey mass of dark green vines that were twined around just about every visible portion of Joxer's body.

"I don't know. I just waded in to start thinning out the water plants, and I slipped. Are you SURE that these things don't move on their own? I'd swear I could feel them wrapping around me on purpose. I don't see how I could have gotten this snared just by rolling around a few times."

"No, these are plain old earthly plants. Hecate's the only one who really favors the sentient greenery. Word of advise--NEVER go walking in her greenhouse unless she's just gotten through feeding the carnivorous plants. You couldn't have waited for me to bring the tools?"

"Ares? Me, swinging something sharp, underwater, around my feet?"

"Right."

"I'll be more careful, though. I won't go out past my knees till I get it thinned out some. Whoops!" He suddenly jumped and began to wiggle in a very distracting manner. "That is the WEIRDEST..." He stuck his hand down the front of his pants.

"Joxer..." *Oh, PLEASE don't grope yourself right in front of me! I won't be able to stand it, and outdoor sex is great, but if I just jump you now...*

Now he was reaching down the back of his pants. "ZEUS, this tickles!"

Ares closed his eyes. *If he doesn't stop...*

"THERE you are!" Ares' eyes popped open. Joxer was dangling a tiny fish, no longer than his pinky, between his thumb and forefinger. He grinned at Ares. "I didn't think there were any fish left alive in there. I caught him just in time. He was *ahem* heading for parts unknown. I guess that after he'd been swimming around in that muck that it wouldn't seem so smelly in my..." He turned scarlet, and flipped the fish quickly into the water, where it darted away with a flick of its tail. "He was just panic stricken. Wow, what a great load of tools!"

Ares dragged himself back from some mental images. "I got what you asked for, and I think Hephastus threw in a few he thought you might need. You can try them out tomorrow. Come on, you're all mucky. Time to get cleaned up."

As they entered the temple, Joxer said, "That bathing chamber is really fantastic. I've had to freeze my butt so many times, bathing in a river, that I can really appreciate it. You know what would be a good idea? If they could arrage to have something like that in inns. They could give it a special name, and use it as a selling point. I'm not sure how--Salmoneous is better at things like that. Maybe... a hot tub. Yeah, that covers the facts. It's a sort of a tub to bathe in, and it's HOT--you don't have to have someone dragging in buckets of hot water to pour over you again and again." They'd reached the bathing chamber and Joxer began stripping, dropping his clothes beside the pool. "That can be really embarrassing. You can never really relax, because someone might come in, and... You're taking your clothes off."

"I always do when I bathe. I went in after you, Joxer, and in case you didn't notice, I'm just as slimed as you are. Go on and get in the pool, before that shit starts to form a crust." He pushed his pants down.

Joxer jerked off his own pants while Ares was bent over, and then dived head-first into the pool before the god could straighten back up. He figured that he'd better hide his incipient erection as quickly as possible.

"Don't do that again, or you might crack your skull," warned Ares, wading into the water.

Joxer back pedalled toward the other side of the pool. "You ought to stay there. You don't need to get your bandage wet."

"Joxer, I just got through being doused in pond water, remember? Besides," Ares unwound the bandages, and all that was left of the gash was a pink line across his chest, parting the dark hair. "Divine healing, remember? In a couple of days this will be shrunk and faded. You'll hardly notice it." He tossed the bandages up on the side of the pool, then waded toward Joxer.

Joxer started working his way along the side of the pool, babbling brightly. "Wow! Look at this tileing over here. Is that a mosaic? It is. What detail. It's men and women, and they're... uh... Oh, boy. And here it's just guys, and they're... they're... Wow."

"Aphrodite decorated. I drew the line at pink marble, but the orgy mosaic seemed like a good idea. You can't get clean if you just keep floating around." They were right by the area where the soap was stored, within easy reach. Ares reached out and scooped some soft paste out of a dish, and began to scrub it over his torso. It foamed immediately, creating a lather. "Go on."

Joxer dipped up a dab of the soft soap and started to wash his hands with it. *I have to stall. He'll finish and get out, and then I can get rid of this boner without him finding out and maybe drowning me. Can I drown now? Well, he could certainly try...*

"Zeus, Joxer! You'll be here all night." Ares dug out another handful of soap, and grabbed Joxer's shoulder with his other hand. Joxer squeaked as Ares splatted the soap right in the middle of his chest and began to rub it in vigorously. "I haven't had to actually bathe anyone since Bliss was little, but I'm sure I can remember." Ares' hand passed over Joxer's nipples in a combination of slightly rough fingers and slippery soap. Ares paused, eyebrows climbing, as he felt the stiff points poking against his palm. He rubbed more slowly, watching Joxer's face. The redness creeping into his cheeks wasn't just from the heat of the bath.

Ares' grip on Joxer slid along his shoulder, to cup the back of his neck. "But then, this isn't anything like bathing my son, thank Olympus."

"Ares... I..." Ares hand slid down Joxer's torso, under the water, and bumped his erection. He closed his eyes. "Peoplegethardinthebathallthetimenothingpersonal." Joxer twitched as he felt the tickle of Ares beard on his neck. *Oo, damn, he's gonna BITE me.*

Then there was the brush of lips against his ear. "You mean that isn't because of me? I must be losing my touch, then."

He squeezed lightly and, before he could stop himself, Joxer gasped, "Your touch is just fine!"

He bit his lip in dismay, but Ares was chuckling. "Good. I was wondering if I was going to have to keep chasing you around this pool all evening. I don't mind pursuing what I want, but it wastes so much time that could be spent in more pleasant activities."

He turned them so that Joxer had his back against the side of the pool, then moved up till their bodies were pressed together. Joxer's eyes got big when he felt the hard length of Ares' erection slide along his groin, and he looked quickly into his god's face. Ares nodded. "That ISN'T just a bathtub erection, it's because of you." Ares humped against Joxer slowly, and the mortal grabbed his shoulders as his knees went weak. "That's better." He DID bite Joxer, but very lightly, nipping at the side of his neck, then licking the slight sting. "You DO understand that the sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, pretending to ignore each other shit is OVER?" Joxer wrapped his arms around Ares' neck, and his legs around his waist. "Good. Just so we're clear. But we're not making it to the bedroom this time."

Ares reached down and cupped Joxer's ass, then carried him over to the shallow end of the pool, and sat down. He ended up waist deep in water, with Joxer sitting on his lap. He held Joxer's head, cupping either side of his face, and kissed him, slowly and deeply. He was pleased when Joxer sucked his tongue, making tiny, pleased noises in the back of his throat. Ares skimmed some of the lather off Joxer's shoulders, and pulled his head back far enough to whisper, "Raise up a little." Joxer obeyed, and Ares slid his hand back under him, along the crease of his ass. He quickly located the little hole he sought, and sank a finger in up to the second knuckle. Joxer gasped, letting his forehead drop down on Ares' shoulder. "How much of this have you done?" *I don't really want to know his history, but I need to know how experienced he is.*

"I've sort of played around some," Joxer's voice was breathy. "Mostly just my own fingers. My friend Meg has this thing she calls a Spinster's Comfort, and she swears it's safe, but I only used it once. I kept worrying about splinters."

"Mm, there's something to keep in mind for later. But I meant with other men, Joxer."

"Oh. Nothing." He rolled his head and peeked up at Ares. "I'm not exactly sought after. There was this one mercenary who got me drunk and was going to try something, but throwing up on him sort of spoiled his mood."

Ares frowned. "Can you remember his name?"

"Something-or-other-us."

*I can't very well kill everone that name would fit. I'd depopulate Greece.* Joxer was pushing back, and Ares' finger slid in deeper. *It can wait.* Ares slid a second finger in beside the first, reveling in the little cooing noise that Joxer made. He worked patiently as they kissed again, stretching his fingers apart gradually. He knew that the first penetration would hurt some, and he wanted to make it as good for Joxer as he could. Finally he mumbled against Joxer's mouth. "Are you ready?"

In response, Joxer raised up, pulling free of the probing fingers, reached down, and gripped Ares' rigid cock. He quickly smeared a thick coat of soap on the turgid flesh, then stared into Ares' face and slowly began to sink down. Ares grabbed at Joxer's waist to help steady him. He felt Joxer spread, then his cockhead was encased in moist heat, and his head fell back as he groaned.

Joxer froze, a slightly dazed, surprised look on his face as he adjusted to the feeling. The reality of what was happening had finally struck him. He was having sex with his god. He was taking into his body the flesh of the man he'd worshipped... *no, loved. I love him* for as long as he could remember. And judging from the look on Ares' face and the sounds he was making, he wasn't doing a bad job of it, either.

"You're going to have to move." Ares voice was hoarse.

"Sorry." Joxer began to lower himself slowly, wincing a little. It burned as his back channel was forced open--but it felt good, too.

"Stop apologizing, damm it." Ares was now fully embedded. He could feel Joxer's balls nestling just above where their bodies joined. "Damn, you're TIGHT."

"I need to wait a minute. Can I wait a minute?"

Ares wrapped his arms around Joxer, pulling him even closer, till their chests were pressed together, and Joxer's own hard-on was trapped between their bellies. Ares kissed him, probing forcefully with his tongue, then said, "Just tell me when you're ready."

Ares contined kissing him, and not just on the mouth. Joxer quickly discovered that, where Ares was concerned, his entire body seemed to be an erogenous zone. The ache was fading, replaced by a delicious sense of fullness--COMPLETENESS. "Please."

"Now?"

"Please, yes, please."

The water helped. Ares was able to lift Joxer easily, sliding him a few inches up, before dropping him back down. Joxer whimpered with pleasure from the friction. He shifted a little on one of the downward slides, and his eyes flew wide in surprise as a hot burst of intense pleasure rode through him. "Uh! What did you DO?"

"What is it?"

"That was so GOOD! Is it a god thing?"

Ares laughed. "Apollo has a particular name for it, but it's just your special spot, Joxer. All men have it--the smart or lucky ones figure out how to use it. You've never had it touched before?"

Joxer shook his head emphatically, damp hair flying. "Believe me, THIS I would have remembered." He tipped his chin down, then looked up at Ares almost shyly. "Could you do it again?"

"I can damn sure try."

It took another couple of minutes of experimenting with different angles (all of which was enjoyed by both), but Ares finally found the exact right angle that would cause his cockhead to rub over Joxer's prostate on almost every thrust. They moved together, faster and harder. The water around them churned, splashing out onto the surrounding tiles as their coupling grew more active.

Joxer yelped, clinging to Ares as his first orgasm with a man ripped through him. Ares grinned in fierce satisfaction as he felt the warm sperm splash his chest, and felt the squeezing ripples that passed through Joxer's ass. It was like being stroked by Joxer's internal muscles. Another few thrusts, jamming the now pliant body down firmly on his spearing prick, and Ares came, too. As he felt the hot gush of Ares' seed fill him, Joxer felt a sense of warmth over his heart, where Ares had placed his mark. *No, not over it--IN it. If I wasn't his before, I am now. He's marked me in every way, inside and out. No matter what happens, even if he sends me away--I'll always be his.*

"What was that, Joxer?"

*Did I SAY that? Oh, Zeus. No pressure, Ares. I just love you.*

"Joxer?"

"I said is this what they mean by good, clean fun?" There was a moment of silence, then Joxer both heard and felt Ares rumble of laughter, and he relaxed. *Maybe I can tell him--some day. But if I HAVE to tell him--maybe I shouldn't.* Joxer once again rested his head on Ares' shoulder, and wondered when his life had gotten so complicated.

Next Part